Thursday, July 30, 2009

Fast Week

Wow! This has been the fastest week. I can't believe VBS is ending tomorrow! :( Kacey and I have had such a wonderful time getting to know everyone and learning about the Lord. I've got so many great pics to share.

I also took time the last two days to start organizing pictures from the last 15 years. I was going to buy photo boxes but when I saw they were $20 each and they'd only fit a year worth of pics then I knew we had a problem! I got some boxes with lids and I pulled out the HUGE rubbermaid tote and 3 boxes of pictures. I layed out piles.... 15 years ....all in the middle of my living room floor. As I strolled down Memory Lane, I laughed, I cried, I sighed and I also felt very thankful. Thankful because I had the pictures to remind me of so many times in my life that I'd filed away in the back of my head. I found funny pictures of the girls. I found tons of pictures of Frankie's Granny too. Pictures of her kissing Kacey and rocking her as a baby. Christmas pictures of the girls hugging her. So many that I'd forgot all about. I started setting those in a pile alone. I've decided to put those into a seperate scrapbook for Frankie. He doesn't know I'm making it for him and I think it will be something nice for him to pick up and look at when he's having those "miss her" days. I also found pics from when Frankie and I were dating. Again, I got giggles seeing how "in love" we were. Not that we still aren't but it's a different kind of love than we had back then. I told him we need to take more "fun" pics like those *wink* Anyway, it's taken me 2 days to organize the pictures by year. Now I'm going to take each year and organize them by month so I can do yearly scrapbooks for them. I've got lots of work ahead of me! I figure it will take me several "All-day" scrapbook events to get through them but once they are done, it will be nice to pull out each year and look back.

We've figured out that the raise in Kacey's sugars on the 3rd day had to be from bad insulin in her pump. Her numbers yesterday came back down into range and her numbers today have been AMAZING! They bounced from low 80's to 130's. Once Frankie came home from work today, she was telling him all about Bible school and what she'd learned and he said "Well I think we should go celebrate a bit with ICE CREAM!" So we took her to the ice cream shop. Last time we'd bolused 70g and so we stuck with doing that this time. She's 2hrs in ..... 100 mg/dl!! I'm not too comfy with her going to bed at that number but I'll be up for a little while so I'll retest her in 2 hours to make sure she's not dropping.

Tomorrow is the last day of Bible school and also the family picnic. Frankie is off and he'll be able to go with us. I'm excited for him to meet everyone and see the church and see what feeling he gets. I'm hoping it's the same feelings Kacey and I have had all week. She asked to go to church on Sunday! :) I'm excited about it!

I'll share pics tomorrow after the picnic!

Tuesday, July 28, 2009



It's something I looked forward to every summer. We didn't regularly attend a church as kids but we always got to go to Bible school at the local church.

When my girls were little, we had a church home. We went regularly. We LOVED it! Then something changed. The members changed. The pastor changed. Then the church name changed. I felt "lost" and as if I didn't belong anymore. I don't think it's anything anyone did. I just felt like that and I didn't have a "place" anymore. We eventually stopped going. My girls never really missed it because the church we went to only had about 5 kids (including my 2) every Sunday. Kayleigh was the oldest and Kacey was the youngest. They were never involved in a "Youth Group". So they didn't know what they were missing. But I did!

For some time now, we've been looking for another church home. I wanted a church that had a great youth group because I felt that was most important. I remember wanting so bad to be a part of a youth group when I was younger. I'd hear stories from friends about mission trips, get togethers and family picnics. Now that my girls are at the youth group age, it's something I'm really wanting for them.

I was invited by my friend, Lyn, to bring Kacey to Vacation Bible School this week at her church. I tossed the idea around and then presented it to Kacey. I figured it would be something to get her out of the house since Kayleigh is still in Hawaii. It would be some fun for her to make crafts and learn more about Jesus. Little did I know, it would have much more of an impact on us.

Yesterday I hung out in Kacey's class. My friend, Lyn, was teaching it and she knew Lyn but she still didn't want me to leave. It turns out, Lyn needed some help preparing more of the craft they were doing because she wasn't expecting to have 14 kids in the class. I hurriedly prepared enough for us to continue. (Hmmm, was there a reason I was needed?) Lyn introduced me to the Youth Pastor and his wife then she introduced me to the Pastor and as other teachers came around, I was introduced to them as well. Every single one of them welcomed me with open arms and I instantly felt comfortable! Something I haven't felt in church in a long time.

Today when we arrived at the church, I went into Kacey's classroom. From there we went to the sanctuary. As we were sitting in there, I was with Kacey's class and the Youth Pastor's wife tapped me on the shoulder and asked me if I'd be interested in helping with one of the other classes. One of the other teachers was out and they needed another person. I knew Kacey was in good hands so I jumped at the chance to be with 1st-2nd graders! She introduced me to the other teacher and as I spoke with her, I found out that her son graduated a year before me and her daughter graduated a year behind me ....I knew them both! Kacey did just fine without me. She knew I was in the building and was comfortable with that. While I was in the other room, the Youth Pastor came in and told me how thankful he was that I was willing to help out. That REALLY made me feel good! Then when we went back to the sanctuary for music time, the Pastor was in there. I was taking pictures of my other friend's daughter and he asked me if I had another child in that class? I told him no I was just helping out. He gave me a pat on the back and thanked me. He then began asking me where we were from, did we have a church and invited us to come on Sunday. I've just felt so welcomed and everyone is SO nice! So, is there a reason I was meant to stay there? Does God have a plan for me to get to know everyone? All I can say is...It's only Day 2 and Kacey and I are BOTH ready to go back! They have a family picnic on Friday and Frankie is off that day so I want him to go with us so he can meet them and see if he gets the same good vibes I have. I'd love to go on Sunday and see how the service is :)

Pump Question

I've got a question. It's one I've never really thought about until now.

We're having some really hot temps here in VA. Some days it's in the high 90's and the humidity is terrible. I know insulin goes bad in the heat. Since it's in her pump, and she's playing outdoors, will the insulin in her pump go bad quicker?

I've noticed that by the 3rd day, she's getting up in the 300's with her blood sugars. Could it be because the insulin is bad?

It just got me thinking because I know the pump is against her body, which is obviously warm, and then being out in the that whats causing these sugars to spike on Day 3?

Thanks for any input :) Geesh...she's been on the pump 4 months already and I've STILL got questions!

Monday, July 27, 2009


BLOOD SUGAR- 8pm- 76

A cup of Swiss Miss Sensible Sweets Diet Hot Chocolate-----5 carbs
Plus a squirt of whipped cream and a few sprinkles---- 5 carbs
Plus 3 sugar cookies--- 15 carbs
One VERY happy little girl-----PRICELESS!!

Kacey needed a little snack before bed the other night and she wasn't very hungry so I surprised her and made her some hot chocolate and topped it with whipped cream and sprinkles. LOL! You'd of thought I gave her Starbucks! She was so excited and savored every last drop. It wasn't a high carb snack either. Just enough to bring her up to range and keep her up in range all night.


Last week, Kacey's blood sugars went a bit whacko. She went from low to high and then back to low. I felt like a ping pong ball! She ended up with a cold. She had a runny nose that was causing a cough. I'd gotten my newest copy of Diabetic Living the day before and I picked that up in the middle of the night since I was awake with Kacey. It had an article with suggestions of different OTC meds for different symptoms. I'd tried Triaminic Night-time and that knocked her out but I knew I couldn't use it during the day. The article suggested Sudafed PE (Non-drowsy) so the next morning, I went right to Walmart and picked it up! Within about 6 hours, Kacey was already perking up. Amazing! I didn't give her the full 2 pill dose. I gave her one every 4 hours. Because of her weight, I knew she could handle taking one pill but was too scared to try two. For the last few days, she's been on it and still has a little cough but nothing like she had.

My Mom and I took Kacey over to Chuck E. Cheeses as a special treat last week. She had such a good time! With all the running around and games, her blood sugar dropped and we treated with some good ole' ice cream. She had so much fun but she really missed her sister being there. When we've taken them to Chuck E. Cheeses before, they always play the games against one another. This time, my Mom and I tried to make up for it but she still missed Kayleigh!Yesterday we worked out in our pumpkin patch all morning. The plants are starving for water, the ground is so dry and we just need tons of rain or we're going to lose the whole crop. Around 1pm, we came inside because the temps were near 95F and it was REALLY hot and humid. We had some lunch and cooled down. Around 5:30pm, we started to hear some rumbles of thunder. Could our prayers have been heard? While I was weeding, I kept asking Granny to send us some rain. The wind started picking up and before long, it was pouring. It rained for about an hour and then the sun came back out. Here is a picture of what we saw....
It may not have meaning to anyone else, but for us it was like Granny telling us "You're welcome!" This sunlight didn't last long. About 30 minutes later, we had a really bad storm roll up. Heavy winds, dangerous lightening and down pours rocked our small town. There were suspects of a few small tornados that touched down not far from us. Our power flickered all night and some friends of ours had a tree fall right through the middle of their house. It stormed all night long and then about 4am, it had passed and things cleared up. Thankfully we didn't have any damage and our pumpkins got plenty to drink!
Yesterday was also some exciting news with the baby birds in the grill. We check them every day and they seem to change so fast! When we checked on them yesterday morning, we noticed they now have some brown feathers coming in and their beaks have changed AND they're eyes are open! Of course, in the pic below, they were sleeping sound so they must have been fed! No matter how much I jiggled the grill lid, they wouldn't wake up. It's been so exciting watching them grow.
Today was the start of Vacation Bible School at church. Kacey found out last week about it and she's been so excited about going. A friend of mine is teaching the 5th-6th grade class and I knew Kacey would be in the 4th grade class. She didn't want to switch classrooms so they were kind enough to leave her in there. (LOL! She's as big as those kids anyway and shes mature enough as well) I wasn't sure how Kacey would do once we got there. She kept asking me not to leave. She's still not comfortable with strangers caring for her and after that bad low last week, she's not left my side lately. I completely understand her fear and I'm not going to force her into it. She had a really fun time today. Here's a pic with her looking up a verse in the bible.
For once, Kacey was in with 14 other kids and only 2 of them knew she had diabetes (my friends kids). She wasn't treated any different. She didn't have to tell anyone she had diabetes. Herbie was proudly worn in her Tigger pump case but not a single child asked what it was. It wasn't until snacktime at 11:40pm that anyone was even aware of her diabetes. She sat down to the snack table where the snack was already layed out....a glass of pink lemonade, a cup of animal crackers and a "termite hill" (mound of chocolate covered pretzels). She quietly sat down, pulled out her lancet and Herbie, tested her blood sugar and was putting Herbie back in her case when a woman frantically ran over to the table and shouted "SHE CAN'T EAT THAT!" With wide eyes, I looked at her and said "Excuse me?" She'd scared Kacey and also gotten the attention of the entire class. She proceeded on about how Kacey couldn't eat the snack and offered to give her ham & cheese. I nicely explained that I was her mother and she was fine. We had a snack in her bag if she didn't want that snack. The lady apologized and went on back to the kitchen. Kacey sat there a bit embarrassed and asked to eat the snack we'd packed. I sat next to her and she said "Mommy, that lady scared me! She said I can't eat that?" Ugh! I told Kacey if she wanted it then she could eat it, we'd just dose for it. But by that point, she just wanted her snack. Two things stuck out here..... the first is......I'm thankful they were on top of knowing WHO Kacey was and that she's diabetic. The second is....the ignorance between Type 1 and Type 2 is still out there! YES, Kacey CAN eat it if she wants. It's so hard to explain to people that she CAN have sweets if she so chooses to. They immediately think if you have diabetes then you can't eat it and how do you sit an explain to them without taking about 30-45min? It's hard! I know she meant well and I'm thankful but I wish she would have done it a bit more private. This is the first time in the last year that I've felt the need to be private about diabetes. I'm not sure why? I guess it's because we were in with a bunch of strangers and I wanted Kacey to have the feel of not being treated differently....unless she HAD to be because of a low or a high. I didn't want diabetes to be the first thing people thought about when they saw her. Not that we're hiding it, I just wanted to be....well.....normal. went well and Kacey is excited to go back tomorrow! :)

Saturday, July 25, 2009

I've Come To Realize...

Fill in the blanks....

I've come to realize that my legs are...something I take for granted.

I've come to realize that my priceless! My job as wife, mother, cook, taxi, nurse, teacher, and much more is something you can't even begin to put a wage on!

I've come to realize that I get my butt back in the gym.

I've come to realize that I have true identity. I'm slowly working on getting it back and hanging out with friends more. :)

I've come to realize that I hate...DIABETES! ***enough said***

I've come to realize that something we can't go without if we want our daughter to live.

I've come to realize that people...can hurt your feelings and not even know they have.

I've come to realize that I'll always be...the one to manage Kacey's diabetes. I just realized that since Kacey's had her pump (4 months already!) that Frankie hasn't done a single site change.

I've come to realize that I have a crush...on no one.

I've come to realize that my always going to be there even when no one else is!

I've come to realize that my cell phone lifeline and something I can't live without.

I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning...I've made Kacey sleep on the couch for the last 2 days because I was too scared that I wouldn't hear her in the baby monitor. Shes got a cold and I'm always so worried I won't hear her if she needs me.

I've come to realize that last night before I went to sleep...simple things like sugar free hot chocolate with a small squirt of whipped cream and 2 sugar cookies can make a diabetic child feel like they've won the lottery. (Pre-bed BG was 82 so she had a "special snack" last night)

I've come to realize I'm thinking much I really miss Kayleigh being around here and how much she helps out with chores.

I've come to realize that my dad...isn't going to be a part of our lives.

I've come to realize that I get on catch up with friends but I'm on Facebook more.

I've come to realize that 2 weeks from today, Kayleigh will be home!! :) :) :)

I've come to realize that something that is never promised!

I've come to realize that I really want the best Mom I can be.

I've come to realize that I'm....a better parent than I ever thought I could be.

I've come to realize that if you want to be with have to be talkative!

I've come to realize that right now...I'm happy with my life.

Feel free to copy this and paste in your own answers! :)

Monday, July 20, 2009

The "Low" Look

Kacey and I went running errands this morning. She ate breakfast before we left so I knew she'd be good while we were out. Since we were going to be coming back home at lunch, I decided to treat her to Subway. We got the subs and we were on our way home when she quietly got out her test kit to test her blood sugar. I thought she was just doing it so once we got home, she could eat right away. A quiet voice said, "Mom, I'm a 43." I thought I heard her wrong. "You're a WHAT?" She had the "low look" all over her face! "I'm a 43, Mommy and I'm shaky." I pulled the chips out of the Subway bag and had her start eating. We were only 2 miles from home. We got home and I got out of the car and started walking to the door with our shopping bags. I turned to see Kacey still sitting in the car! I dropped the bags and walked back over toward her as she slowly got out of the car. "Are you ok?" She just gave me this "I don't know" look. I helped her to the house and got her to the couch. She was drenched in sweat! She's gotten sweaty before but never drenched. Her legs and arms felt like she'd just stepped out of the tub. I gave her something to drink while I got her sub out.

The look of a low....

She started eating but I knew she wasn't going to come up too fast. I watched her little hand shake as she brought the sub to her mouth. The tears began to run down her face. "Kacey, what's wrong?" ... "Mommy I'm so hungry but I'm scared because I still feel low." .... "Ok...let's test so you can see that you're coming up."
After she saw that she was coming up, she started to calm down. I think she's so afraid she is going to keep dropping low so just seeing that she was rising helped. Although, she continued to shake and say she was cold. Poor thing! :( After she ate, she sat on the couch bundled in a blanket. She started to cry again and I asked her what was wrong? She wanted to test again to make sure she was above 80. She pricked her finger blood. So she tried again...and got a double dose! LOL!
We both giggled since she had her choice of which finger to test. She'd come up nicely....
But she was completely wiped out!
She went right to sleep on the couch and she's been asleep for over an hour now :( Damn diabetes! It's completely robbed her of her day because she'll spend the rest of the day playing "catch up" to gain her strength back.
Just more proof that diabetes is so unpredictable and you can be having a great day and all of a sudden it can sweep you off your feet and you begin your roller coaster ride. It's now 1:10pm and I just tested her and she's bounced up to a 255....and STILL asleep!

Happy 1yr. Blog Anniversary

Today marks my 1yr. anniversary of blogging!

This time a year ago, I was bottled up with so much emotion and I was looking for an outlet. Someplace I could write down what I was feeling and not worry about anyone getting upset. I looked into online journals and then I ran across Blogger. I didn't even know what a blog was a year ago! I created my own....made it private....and began to pour out my most inner feelings. It wasn't long before I made my blog public and found that I wasn't alone. There were other Moms out there feeling exactly the way I was. They were either going through the same thing or they had been through it already and offered so much advice and just the support I was needing to get through daily life. Then I started to get in touch with other adults with diabetes. Many of them very successful and it gave me a whole new outlook on things. My child wasn't dying with diabetes, she was LIVING with it. She can live a long and healthy life if taken care of! I became more active in the blogging community and I began to share myself with others. As new Moms came into the blogging world, I was able to offer the same support to them as I was given when Kacey was diagnosed. It felt good to be able to "pay it forward" and tell them, "It DOES get easier." Even though some days are rougher than others, we still push forward.

I'm not sure where I would be if I hadn't started this blog and put myself in contact with everyone. I'm SO very thankful to be a part of this community and I'm even more thankful to call each and every one of you... MY FRIEND! Thanks to each and every one of you who have posted to me along the way. Just a few simple words were not left unappreciated. You all are my backbone and each hold a special place in keeping me strong!

So on that note.... Happy ONE YEAR Diabetes Sweeties! We look forward to MANY more to come!

(((HUGS))) to you all!

Sunday, July 19, 2009


Is it too early to praise Edgepark yet?
Nah! I'll do it!

Last Monday is when I put in the call to Edgepark about supplies. The order was for 4 boxes of sites, 2 boxes of cartridges and a box of Skin Tac wipes. I was expecting to get a call back and let me know when they were shipping or to let me know something about insurance. Nope! On Wednesday, UPS knocked on my door with a box. HOLY COW! That was fast! The girl I spoke with on the phone had put an *urgent* rush on it and we got the supplies in 2 days :)

I can't begin to tell them how pleased I am...not only with the service but with the delivery time as well!

Babies! Babies! Babies!

After checking on the bird nest every single day, Kacey and I were thrilled to lift the grill lid and see 4 little babies in the nest this morning. She ran in to get my camera and both of us jumped up and down like 2 proud parents...LOL! They are not even 24 hours old yet because we checked the eggs yesterday afternoon and they were still eggs. A friend of mine who is familiar with wildlife identified the eggs as Carolina Wrens. We're so excited to be part of their growth!! :)

Saturday, July 18, 2009


Lately it's been just Kacey and I at home all day long and we've had lots of time to just chit-chat. She's so funny and comes up with some of the funniest questions and comments.

Because she was involved in everything with Grandma's death, it's brought on a new set of questions and concerns. She's asked about dying and how it feels? Did Granny hurt? Just normal questions a 9 year old would ask. Today while we were driving, out of the blue she asked me if you had to be old to die? I explained that we could die at any age. She looked at me with a serious look and said, "Did you know when you are born, God knows when you are going to die? I think it was Granny's time to die but we didn't know it because only God knows those things." I smiled and continued to just let her talk. She went on to say, "I hope I die of old age and not because of diabetes." I got this immediate knot in my throat! Kacey is so intune with her illness and knows that without good control over her diabetes, she could have severe complications but we've never discussed "diabetes" and "death" in the same sentence. I instantly replied with, "I know you will die of old age because you take good care of yourself!" *sigh* So then she goes on to talk about the cemetary (ugh!) and she says, "Mommy, will we be planted where Granny is planted?" OMGGGGGGG! I nearly had to pull the car over because I was laughing so hard!!!! PLANTED?!?! She couldn't understand what was so funny and I had to explain, as I wiped my tears from laughing, that we didn't "plant" Granny, we buried her! Talk about one of those priceless moments....hahahaha! After the cemetary talk, she went on to ask me, "Do I have to move out when I graduate?" I asked her why she wanted to know something like that? She said, "Well I don't want to move out. I want to live with you and Daddy forever." So I went on to explain when she graduated, she'd go off to school and meet a great guy and get married. She gave me this funny look and said, "But that man won't take care of my diabetes like you do Mommy!" HAHAHAHA! Geesh! Some days I forget that she's only 9yrs old and expecting a 9yr old answer. I explained to her that she could live at home as long as she wanted and I'd always be there to take care of her diabetes. :)

Whew! She's gonna be the one to question every move ;)

HAHAHA....I'm still giggling about "planted"!

Friday, July 17, 2009

Cast Off

Kacey got her cast off yesterday! P-U! That thing was so stinky...not to mention DIRTY!
When she got it off, she tried to hold her wrist up and it just fell over. LOL! She's lost the strength in it after being in it for 6 weeks. The doctor put her in a velcro splint for the next 2 weeks. He wants her to take it off and exercise it and she can sleep without it but if we're out being active he wants her wearing it so she doesn't reinjure it. The x-rays looked great and he said it healed perfect!
LOL! I snapped this pic of her holding it up and caught it just before it "flopped" over. I'm so glad to be rid of that thing! The first thing she asked to do was take a bath...haha! She loves her bubble baths and for the last 6 weeks, I've had to assist her washing and she hasn't been able to lay back in the tub and relax. She ended up taking a 30 minute bath last night!

Spoiled Kitty

I haven't done a kitty update in a while. Fortunately we were able to find homes for all but 2 of the babies. A friend of mine took them up to the vet for me and we found out the sex of them because I wasn't able to tell...LOL! The girls had fallen in love with the runt and I told them they couldn't keep it unless it was a male. When they arrived home from the vet, the girls were practically doing cartwheels when they found out that the litte gray one was a boy! He already had a name... "Junior". My friend and her neighbor took the females that looked like Miley. One of Frankie's friends took the other gray female for his kids. That left us with Junior and the other male that looked like Miley. Since it had been so long before we were finally able to touch them, this little male was wild. He'd hiss and spit then wouldn't let us pick him up. He'll come out when we're around but we can't touch him. Maybe in time he will come around. For now, Junior is being spoiled rotten! Here are a few pics to show just how rotten he is!

Here he is cuddled in Kacey's arm. He would sit there for hours if she let him!

Yes...thats him sitting in the basket! She found an old basket and started putting him in it. He'd just sit there while she carried him around the yard.
Guess he got tired of sitting....cuz then he'd just lay down like a baby while she carried him.
And then...the picks him up and throws him over her shoulder like a baby....and he just lays there!!
So "Junior" will be taking Henry's place outdoors at our home. He's already following Miley around the yard and actually participated in the feast of a mouse! BLECH!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

HaPpY 1Yr. D-AnNiVeRsArY KaCeY!

This time, one year ago, I was sitting in the ER at CHKD with Kacey. She'd already gotten an IV and had 7 tubes of blood taken. I had so many things running through my head and the reality of them all had not hit me yet. It wouldn't be til they admitted her and took us up to the PICU that I'd understand how sick my baby was. When we came off the elevators and I saw the sign that said PEDIATRIC INTENSIVE CARE UNIT and I felt my knees go weak. It was the beginning of a long 3 day hospital stay.

I can't begin to explain how my heart feels today. When I looked at the clock at 3:30pm, I started to cry. That's what the time was when I called Frankie to tell him we had to go to the ER and the doctor *thought* she had diabetes. Really, the doctor knew she did and he'd told me she did but I didn't accept it and thought it was wrong. Oh how I wish it was wrong that day! But you know what, we took what we were dealt and moved forward. Kacey's diagnosis made me a stronger mother, not that I wasn't a strong mom already, it just made me look at the way we did things so much different. The time I was spending doing other things was quickly shifted to focus on her. I've handled feelings in ways I never thought I could. I've educated as many people as I possibly could in this last year....some ignorant to what diabetes was....some that thought T1 and T2 were the same thing....and some just plain asses, you know those ones that think your kid got diabetes from being fat and eating too many sweets? Yep, I've educated them too! So when I look back at my question to God in the hospital....WHY KACEY? WHY US? Now I've got my answer! It's was God's plan to use us to educate those around us and those we will come in contact with in the future. I've accepted God's plan and we will continue to serve it. As for Kacey, she's made strides that I never would have imagined a 9yr old child could make. She's overcome struggles this last year that no child should ever have to deal with. Did she complain? Yeah sometimes. Did she cry? You bet she did! Does she hate her diabetes? Yep some days she does. But you know what? She still has a smile on her face and she doesn't let it stop her! Diabetes might try and trip her up and bring her down but she gets back up, dusts off her knees, smiles and moves on. And....thats how Kacey is! I'm so very proud of her, as most parents are of their kids, but our T1 kids are special!

I was given a poem by Chasiti yesterday that I'd like to share. (Thanks Chasiti!!) I read this to Kacey and she ended up in tears! She hugged me and said, "I have the best Mommy in the world!" *sigh* ~wipes tears~

To Kacey,

How we managed to make it through,
I guess we'll never know,
But I'm grateful that we did it together
because tough times can help us grow.
We'll find our way, we always will.
As long as we have each other,
You will always be my baby and
I will always be your mother.
-Gina Marie Lauchner

As for Kacey's special day....

Frankie took the day off to spend with us since we didn't have anyone to go with us today. :)

We started the day with a reminder that diabetes is still a part of our daily change. After site change, it was off to breakfast. We went to McDonald's for the big breakfast platter.

After breakfast, we headed to Busch Gardens. The temp is only 87F today and it's low humidity so we were in for a great time! I had the backpack packed with a surprise for Kacey but she wouldn't get it until we were inside the park for a bit. We got there when they opened and since it wasn't crowded, we headed over to Sesame Street to play for a bit. Daddy was a great sport and got on all the rides with her. I snapped some fun pics that I'll share soon. After they finished in Sesame Street, he asked her if she wanted to ride Escape from Pompeii....a water ride! She frowned and said she couldn't and held up her cast. Thats when I pulled out my surprise....a plastic bag and rubber band! YES! You're gonna ride it :) She started jumping up and down. Tomorrow is another exciting day because she gets her cast off. So if she gets it wet today then I'm not gonna get upset over it but we were still gonna try and protect what we could. Off to the water ride....yahoooo! Unfortunately there wasn't enough weight in the car to get her soaked...just a few dribbles. Bummer! She sulked for a few minutes and it dawned on me....OMG! Good thing you didn't get so wet.....CozMonitor!! We'd forgotten to take it off! So then we're walking toward the next section of the park and she grins this silly grin and says "Roman Rapids?" Ughhhh! I looked at Frankie because I knew this was a ride that we WOULD get SOAKED and he winked at me and looked at Kacey and said "You wanna ride it?" She shook her head yes as she jumped up and down. His response..."Let's do it!" Ohhhh boy! This took us a second and we were once again given a reminder that diabetes is there. Instead of taking Coz off the back of Herbie, we just disconnected. There was no line and the ride was only 3min long so it was ok. We put Herbie in a bag, then into her purse which was in my backpack. LOL! Had to make sure there was no chance to it getting wet. I wrapped her arm back in the bag and she took off to the ride. And.....YES WE GOT SOAKED!!!! It wasn't til after we got off that I realized...Uhoh! I can't connect her back up because her pump lays against her clothes and her clothes were wet. **think** Ok, yes I can, I just have to take Coz off and put it back in the backpack. So thats what we did and then we didn't have to worry about Herbie because he could get wet ;) then it was a few more rides, a 20min train ride, a roller coaster and a 4D ride. After all of that, we were ready to come home. I've learned that about 4 hours is all Kacey can handle before her blood sugars start to go wacky. She was down to a 136 mg/dl and we knew she'd be falling.

On our ride home, she got a surprise phone call from her sister! Kayleigh was the one thing missing from our day today. It's hard to do these things without her :( Kacey is really having a "I miss Sissy" day! So it was nice for her to be able to talk to her.

This evening....we went to the ice cream shop! She didn't know we were going and she thought we were just going for a drive. She sat down with a huge smile on her face....tested her blood sugar.... (***pray*** Please let it be in-range)..... (BTW, how bout that new Jonas Brothers case and purse...haha!)

YAYYYYYYYY...... 82!!!!!! Herbie was dosing as I took this pic. Look at that smile :) and that HUGE ice cream...ugh! This ice cream shop makes home made ice cream so it's nearly impossible to bolus right for it. So we'll shoot for 70 carbs for this cookies & cream ice cream in a waffle cone.
You've gotta love the ice cream face! :)
And... now two and a half hours later...she checked her blood sugar....81!!! Looks like she'll be having a small snack before bed tonight. LOL!
That will conclude our excitement for the day.
A day of celebration for us! A celebration of Kacey's life. A life with diabetes. Proof that you can live a somewhat normal life with diabetes. Embrace your disease because it's not going away.
LIVE with diabetes....don't just EXIST with diabetes.
Thanks to everyone that left Kacey comments on my Facebook. I let her read them all and she felt so loved! You all are the best! :)

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Blood Sugar Check- 4pm

Today at 4pm EST, we joined 14,000 people with diabetes and tested Kacey's blood sugar. You can read more about the project HERE. It was pretty fun knowing that so many people were testing at the same time we were.

At 4pm...Kacey's blood sugar was.... 87 mg/dl!!!


Tomorrow is the BIG D-Day! :)

Monday, July 13, 2009

Swift Change

A day in the life of diabetes is NEVER the same. Diabetes can be cool and calm or it can be a pain in the ass! We've been battling some serious highs here lately....bouncing up in the 300-400 range and then coming down and being in the 200's for a steady time frame. Test. Correct. Test. Correct. It seemed like that was all we did since Granny passed away. The first week, I blamed it on the sadness and stress that Kacey was going through. What excuse did we have for the second week? Nothing! Could have been a growth spurt? Could have been stress? Could have been the fact that it was too hot to get outside? I won't ever know but what I do know is the highs took their toll on Kacey. She was so grumpy and with everything that was going on, she had every right to be. Last night she settled in to bed with her blood sugar in the 300's and insulin on board from the correction. I tucked her in and placed a cold bottle of water beside her bed. Just an hour into her sleep, she woke up to run to the potty. Damn highs! She drank some more and went on back to sleep. I set the alarm for 2am and tiptoed in to test her...160...finally! She'd come back into range. She woke up at 8:30am and she tested...180. She went up and she hadn't had anything to eat or drink. She wanted cereal for breakfast (ugh! I hate cereal days!) I braced myself for a high. She tested at 12pm .... 60! WHAT?!?! A 60?!?! She wasn't feeling it either. Scary! So she ate lunch and went back to playing on the computer. I had her test again at 2pm...148. Wow! Thats good considering she'd eaten 2 hours ago. Then I had her test at 4pm...66! OMG! She wasn't feeling that one either! She ended up eating dinner but she was feeling really drained. about a swift change! Here I was thinking that she'd need some basal changes but now with the lows and the do you adjust? I'm scared to make any changes. She just tested at 8pm and she is a 168. Thats a great number for her to go to bed with! The 2am check should be interesting ;)

This is just more proof that diabetes can change your life in a split second and you have to be ready for whatever it throws at you! Dang curve balls! LOL!

Insurance Frustrations

Here we are again....more insurance venting :(

Last week, I got a call from Cozmo telling me that they are no longer carrying insulin pump supplies and I need to choose a supplier (DUHHHHHH!) so they gave me Liberty Medical and the number. I called them and set up an account. The nice guy said they would call me back if there was a problem. On Saturday, I got a call... "Mrs. West, unfortunately we are not a participating provider. You will need to call your insurance company to find a supplier that is in-network." AHHHHHHHHHHH!

So, this morning I make the dreaded phone call to United Healthcare. The computer that answers my call couldn't understand me and then asked me to take a brief survey...HELL NO! Now I wish I had said yes so I could tell them what I thought about their company! Anyway, the lady that answers the phone asks me all the usual questions...ID number, name, birthdate...I was wondering when she was gonna ask for my underwear size...geesh! I explain that my daughter is on an insulin pump and we need to find a company that is in-network that carries the supplies she will need to continue pump therapy on her Cozmo pump. She gives me 2 phone numbers.... Apria and MiniMed. WTF? MiniMed? For Cozmo pump supplies? So I hung up and called the 1-800 number for Apria. I could barely understand her because she was of foreign decent. She said I called the wrong number and transferred me to a local number that takes care of infusion therapy. The lady on that number, which once again I can barely understand, tells me they deal with IV therapy not insulin pumps. So she gives me the number to a place that can help me. Wrong! The lady tells me they dont carry those supplies and they are durable medical equipment (DUH again!). So she transfers me to the DME line....the call ends. UGH! Thankfully I got the number before she transferred. I call them back and the guy is totally clueless as to what I'm asking for. He tells me for diabetes supplies then I need Star Medical and gives me the number. GRRRRRR! By now I'm really frustrated! I call Star Medical and the lady tells me that they don't carry anything for insulin pumps. Great! Just great! So this means I have to call back to United Healthcare. *sigh* I make the dreaded call back and speak with a nice mannered man. He apologizes for the wild goose chase I was sent on. I told him what I needed and he tells me that I have to go through another number. He stayed on the line until it was transferred. A really nice lady answers the phone. Once again, I tell my story and give her all my info. She gives me a list of suppliers that are in-network. Apria being the first....HELL NO! I told her I refused to speak with anymore Apria reps because I couldn't understand them. She giggled and said she completely understood. She told me to try Edgepark. She said they had a good name and she knew for sure they carried what we needed. *sigh* So I hung up and with a knot in my throat I called Edgepark. Within a few minutes I was speaking to a really nice woman and I explained everything I'd just gone through trying to find a supplier. She laughed and said well you're at the right place! She took all my info...told me she knew all about the Cozmo pump and Smiths not carrying the supplies...sympathicized with how frustrating it was....told me I was the 3rd Mom in the last hour that had a child that tested their blood sugar 10-12 times a day (so sad!) ...and asked me which sets we used? She also suggested we ask for 2 boxes a month instead of 1 because in summer heat and pool water they didn't stick as well and we needed room for bad sets as well. They come 10 in a box and if we change every 3 days thats just enough for 30 room for error. It made me wonder...was she just a good rep or did she have diabetes too and knew EXACTLY what we go through? It really didn't matter. I was just thankful to speak to someone that knew what we were talking about! She said she would call me back if there were any problems but she knew they were in-network so she didn't forsee any issues.

Whew! Why does everything with insurance companies have to be so difficult? If you say you need insulin pump supplies then they should be able to pull that up and give you a number to issues. But can't be that simple. And if you're a telephone rep for the USA then one of the qualifications should be...YOU HAVE TO SPEAK GOOD ENGLISH and CLEARLY! I'm sorry. I'm not against foreign speakers but if you're a rep then you should be able to talk clearly and properly so the person on the other line can understand you.

~gets down off my soapbox now~

Sorry for the vent. It's just frustrating that we have to jump through all these hoops when we shouldn't!

Anyone else use Edgepark?

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Fun-filled Weekend

The last 2 days have been wonderful!
My weekend started with a day to scrapbook all to myself. I got together with friends and we scrapbooked from 9am-5pm. It was so much fun :) When I arrived home, Frankie was cutting the grass and Kacey was playing outside. I walked into a house lit with Yankee candles...the floors were swept and vacuumed...the kitchen was cleaned...the beds were made...the trash was taken out....the laundry was going...the bathroom was cleaned and all I could do was stand there in shock as Kacey said, "Mommy, do you like how we cleaned?" WOWWWWWW! I felt like a queen! I'd been gone all day and I came home and didn't have to lift a finger :) We ended up going to Frankie's best friends house for dinner so that meant I didn't have to cook either! Woohoo!

Today we woke up and went down to visit Frankie's aunt. Sundays were always our day to go eat breakfast with Granny and his Aunt didn't want us to break the "tradition". We went down there to visit and it was extremely difficult for some reason. When we'd get there on Sunday mornings, we could smell breakfast cooking and it was on the table when we'd walk in. This morning, we couldn't smell anything....Frankie cooked :( We stayed about 2 hours and then we went on to the cemetary. All the flowers are dead and it's soooo real now! I did ok til we got back in the car and Frankie turned to me and said "Breakfast wasn't the same this morning, was it?" I couldn't hold my tears back any longer. It wasn't the same. It never will be. There was no smell of corn cakes cooking. I know thats one thing I will truely miss...Granny's corn cakes! I've been married to Frankie for 10 years and with him for 13 years and I still couldn't make a corn cake like Granny did.

We left the cemetary to go down to the river for the workboat races. Another event that brought back a flood of memories. Yesterday I mentioned shopping with my Mom this time last year....well this time last year we'd gone to the races as well! It was a Sunday, just like today. **Looking back*** We had taken the girls down to see the races and we sat on the beach. Kacey was drinking one soda after another and she kept having to go to the bathroom. She was hot and exhausted after being on the beach for 4 hours. Little did we know that just 2 days later she'd be hospitalized and diagnosed with diabetes. Today I stood on the pier looking over at the spot that we sat last year. I remember how hot it was...just like it was today. I remember Frankie having to go get the car because Kacey was so exhausted and complained of her stomach hurting. Today when it was time to leave, Frankie went to get the car again while Kacey and I sat on the bench to wait. Why did we have to sit down? Kacey's blood sugar went from a 107 to a 334! Once again, she was sick at her stomach. I don't know what causing these swings in her sugars but it's insane! I know her A1c has gone up because we've lost control (not that we ever had it to begin with). I'm guessing we're going to be changing some basals this week... we'll see!
Heres a pic of Kacey today out on the boat...
What a wonderful weekend! It was nice to be pampered for a change :)
3 days til Kacey's 1 year D-Anniversary
4 days til Kacey gets her cast off
8 days til my 1 year Blog anniversary

Friday, July 10, 2009

Thinking Back

I sat here thinking today about the events leading up to Kacey's diagnosis. The more I thought, the sicker my tummy felt. My baby was so very sick and I had no clue that diabetes was the culprit.

We went shopping with my Mom today. It dawned on me, this time ONE year ago, we were doing the same thing. We'd gone shopping and Kacey ate breakfast and was so sick at her stomach afterward. Today as we were shopping, I thought about when she was sick and how we walked around and she complained about her tummy. We went out for lunch with Mom today and afterward she complained about her tummy again....exactly what she did a year ago. I asked her to sit down and test her blood sugar. She was up to a 247 and that wasn't too bad since she ate 2 hours prior. She was a 134 before she ate. She still had insulin on board so I waited. She continued to cry about her tummy. The chilling words she spoke still haunted me like they did a year ago... "Mommy, I feel like I'm going to throw up." Crap! I remember her saying that but we didn't know. How could we know? This time...we DO know! I had her recheck again 2 hours later....445! OMG! Correct! Ugh...she's had Subway before and she's been fine. Could her site be bad? Only time will tell. The word DIABETES weighed on my mind all afternoon. When it was time for dinner, I had a smack of reality hit me. Kacey asked to eat and she went into the kitchen. She wasn't very hungry and just wanted a light dinner. I stood there watching her as she counted out 4 vegetarian chik nuggets, 20 chips and 1/4 cup of peanuts. Something about her counting just made me well up with tears. Her life is always going to be about counting. Counting carbs. Counting for servings. Gone are the days when she can reach in for a handful of something! Gone are the days when she can just grab a snack without thinking about how many carbs, will it make her spike, will she get "sugar sick"? For that moment, I felt sad inside. I felt like she'd been cheated. But I snapped out of it as quick as I snapped in it when Kacey turned to me and said "Mommy, it's 45 carbs and my sugar is a 121 and I already dosed and I dont need a correction." *sigh* (BTW, it's not the was Subway!) In a year, she's come so far. She's only 9 years old but she can check her sugar, add her carbs, count her chips, dose herself and still do it all with a smile! It's become nothing but natural to her. All the worrying I did about her being upset about knowing what life was like before diabetes and she doesn't really remember life before. Every now and then she will say, "Mommy remember when I used to eat that candy? It will make me so sick if I eat it now!" Sadly, she knows how sick it really will make her because we've tried to let her eat the sweet stuff and she gets a tummy ache. She chooses to just stay away from those things now.

July 15th is coming fast.....I'm planning something special for her :)

July 20th will mark my 1yr Blog Anniversary as well!

More reflections to come.....

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Griller's Surprise

Last night we got a funny surprise! I was laughing so hard that I had tears rolling down my face.

Frankie wanted steak for dinner and I'd gotten him some new steaks when I went grocery shopping last week. I took out the steaks and walked outside to give them to him. He seemed a bit shaken up. He said he just got a huge scare! I asked him what was wrong and he opened the grill to reveal this....

WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THAT? We just used the grill last week! He said to look I leaned over to see this.....

YES! Thats 4 baby bird eggs! Holy cow! He gave me a pitaful look and said "Oh Mumma, we can't hurt them!" that meals no grilled steaks for him! He chose to put his steaks in the oven instead :) He said that when he went to lift the lid of the grill the mama bird flew out and thats what scared him.

Here is a closer peek.....
Kacey was so excited! I just LOVE living in the country...haha! solve the Mom gave us a George Foreman grill so Frankie can grill his steaks and we can watch the birdies!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Playing Catch-Up

I'm finally getting things caught up at home after all the rush of last week. I didn't think I'd ever get the pile of laundry done...LOL!

Kacey is battling some crazy blood sugars. Not sure what's going on? I'm hoping that since we're getting back on schedule then her numbers will come back down. She's bounced in the 300's for over a week and now she's playing the "Tigger" game again and going from in-range numbers to highs and then back down again.

Frankie is doing MUCH better. I was worried about him when Granny died because I'd never seen him so upset before. After the funeral on Thursday, it was like a breath of fresh air. It was finally over and we had to focus on moving forward. Since his sister was in town, we made the best of it and we all went to Busch Gardens with his other cousins and their families. We had the best time and it was nice to finally laugh again after a week of so many tears. It was definately needed!

As for me....I'm in full scrapbook-mode again! I've got another ALL-DAY scrapbook day coming up this Saturday from 9am-5pm. I'm so excited! This time I will be catching up Frankie's hunting scrapbook since I haven't scrapped the last 2 years of his hunting season. I am also starting a new scrapbook called....Sleepy Hollow Pumpkin Patch. Yep :) We decided on a name for our pumpkin patch and I'm thrilled to start this book. It's our first time growing our own patch and I've taken pictures from the time we plowed the planting...then fertilizing....and when the "babies" came up through the dirt! It will be great to look back on this years later when we have a nice farm going.

FUZE Update...I got an email back from the company and they do not offer coupons but they did say the local stores run sales on them and for me to watch the flyers. Kacey and I found them in Walmart. They are $6.97 for a 6 pack but if you buy them individually they are $1.00 each. She tried the other 3 flavors and she loves them all! I ended up giving in and buying 6 of them for her :)

We're on the countdown to Kacey's 1 year D'anniversary! It's hard to believe how far we've come in just ONE year. I'll be blogging more about it soon!

Friday, July 3, 2009

In Shambles

That's what our family is in right now....shambles. The pillar of our family has fallen.
**get tissues out**
On Sunday, June 28th, we went to eat breakfast with Frankie's grandmother. This was our regular Sunday ritual. He was raised by his Granny from the time he was 6 months old until he moved out and married me :)

During our visit there, his Aunt "Sissy Alice" (who also lived with his Granny and raised him) was having some chest pains and symptoms of a panic attack. We called 911 for her and tried to keep Granny calm during all of this. When the ambulance arrived, Frankie told Granny that he would ride with his Aunt and she could ride with me and we would follow the ambulance. She insisted that she be the one to ride alone with her child. So she hopped up in the front seat and was perfectly fine....that we knew of.

We locked the house and made sure the stove was off, since we were getting ready to eat breakfast. We were just about to walk out when my cell phone rang. It was my Mom. She used to be on the local rescue squad and the scanner just reported the passenger of M31 was in cardiac arrest. WHICH PASSENGER?!?! We bolted out the door. We were already headed out anyway to follow the ambulance. We got about a mile up the road and the ambulance carrying Sissy Alice and Granny was pulled over. The time on the clock... 9:28am. I waited by the car with Kacey while Frankie took off running to the ambulance. We had no idea what he was about to witness :( They were doing CPR on his Granny in the back and his Aunt was hysterical. Another ambulance arrived on scene to take his Aunt to the hospital while they continued CPR on scene for 20 minutes. I called my Mom back and told her I needed her to come get Kacey because it didn't look good. She came to pick her up and we promised we'd call her from the hospital. We left the scene at 9:49am. We followed the ambulance with blaring sirens and flashing lights. We rushed into the hospital and then it was a waiting game. They always say "No news is good news", right? Wrong!

A nurse came out and asked "Who is Frankie?" He spoke up and she said "She is calling for you." Well we thought they were talking about Granny. When Granny had kidney surgery a few months ago, the first person she called out for when she woke up from surgery was Frankie. I walked with him to the doorway and the nurse asked who I was? I told her I was his wife and she said "Come on cuz he's going to need you too!" I knew in the pit of my stomach it wasn't good. As we walked down the hall, we could hear his Aunt screaming. We went in and it was HER calling out for him, not Granny. The doctor came in and he looked at me and said "I'm so sorry. We did all we could but she's gone." I felt my knees wanting to buckle and I looked over at Frankie in tears. He had this puzzled look on his face. He hadn't heard what the doctor had said and so I had to repeat it to him. Never ever in my life have I seen him in such pain. It was like his heart was pulled out of his chest and stomped on. They let us walk next door and see her. Some of the hardest steps I've ever taken. I felt like I had lead in the bottom of my shoes.

What exactly happened? What caused this? My questions were finally answered by the man who was driving the ambulance when it happened. I was in the hallway when the doctor said "I have someone that wants to speak with you two." and he walked us over to a gray haired man with glasses that immediately reached out to embrace us. I could tell he was still pretty shaken. He went on to tell us that Granny was talking to him in the front seat and she was doing fine and then all of a sudden she layed her head over and that was it. THAT WAS IT! Just like that! She was gone! He continued to tell us that they never got a pulse, nor did they ever get a pulse the entire time but they did everything they could, used every drug they could and didn't stop CPR until they got to the hospital and let the doctor call it. So here we are, standing with the last person to talk to Granny and why do I feel a sort of peace come over me? Well, we know she went fast and peacefully. But if things had gone the way we had planned them, it would have been much worse. Remember, Granny wasn't sopposed to ride along. Frankie was going to ride and we wanted Granny to go in the car with me driving. What if? If she had gone with me, it was her time to go and Kacey would have been in the back seat and seen everything! Thank you God for placing Granny exactly where she needed to be and could be helped instantly! The next do we tell Kacey? We also had to call Kayleigh in Hawaii to tell her.

Once we left the hospital, we went back to Granny's house and I cleaned up all the mess we left. Breakfast was on the table and hadn't been touched. Through the tears, I managed to clean up the kitchen. It was now time to go get Kacey. I was dreading this! She's always been so close with Granny. When she was born, Kayleigh was in Kindergarten. I would put Kay on the school bus at 8:15am and when I got to Granny's house at 8:30am, my breakfast was cooked and on the table. EVERY single day for nearly a year, I did this. When I'd get there, Granny would take Kacey from me and go right to the rocker with her. She'd rock while I ate. LOL! No wonder I never lost that "baby fat"! But she had such an impact on Kacey and they were very close. When I walked into my Mom's house, Kacey was on the computer. She turned to see me and she said "How's Granny?" I opened my mouth to speak but the knot in my throat was keeping me from speaking. I managed to whisper, "She's gone." and with that came the sobbing. My heart was now breaking for not only my husband but now my child. I still had one more call to make....Kayleigh. I called and talked to my brother first. I knew she'd need his support. It wasn't an easy phone call and I hated the fact that my daughter was 6000+ miles away and I couldn't hold her :( She took the news better than I thought she would but it was still hard because she was so far away.

Much of the last few days have been a blur. We've been up and out of the house by 9am each day and we haven't been getting home til 10-11pm at night. Kacey's blood sugars have stayed in the 300's and it's just taken it's toll on everyone.

On Mon, the funeral home came to the house. They sat and made arrangements with the family. Then the task of picking out the casket and vault fell on them. Frankie spoke up and wanted to go too. He went to the funeral home with his Mom and two aunts. He was the one that ended up picking everything out for Granny...but I'm glad because she wouldn't have wanted it any other way! She loved everyone....but NO ONE did she love like her baby, Frankie.

On Tues, his aunt finally got a doctor appointment to find out what is causing all this pain and gas in her tummy. I ended up going with her so I could make some sense of what she was being told and also so I could help her tell the doctor whats been going on. Almost 2 hours later....we had a diagnosis of Irritable Bowel Syndrome. That is what is causing the spasms in her tummy, which is then causing the gas and then she gets herself all upset and the anxiety kicks in which then just causes more spasms. Vicious cycle!

On Wed, we had the private viewing and the public viewing at the funeral home. We talked with Kacey and felt it was fine for her to participate in everything but the one thing we didn't want was for her to go into the room where they had Granny. I didn't want her remembering Granny like that and it was hard enough seeing everyone else upset. She agreed that she didn't want to but she was very curious. She'd never lost someone this close and this was her first experience with it all. More than 300 people came to pay their respects that night.

Yesterday was the funeral. A very sad day.
She had so many beautiful flowers and after the funeral was a reception down at the church. It was really nice and I know Granny would have been happy.

Once it was all over, we took Kacey back to the cemetary. She didn't have the closure when we left because the casket was still on top the ground. She thought they were going to leave Granny like that. So we had to take her back and it was nice because she got to see all the flowers and know that Granny was buried.

I haven't felt this close to Frankie in a long time. As we walked around, we started talking about making our own arrangements and the arrangements for the kids. If something happened to either one of us, at least we'd know that we wouldn't have to go up there and put ourselves through any more upset than need be. Same with the kids, there is no way I'd be able to go make those arrangements so at least we'd know it was all taken care of. So that's something on our "To-Do" list once everything settles down.
For now, we have to work on moving forward. It might have been easier if we'd just gotten a call telling us that Granny had died but we were there and each of us has feelings we have to deal with seperately. Frankie saw them doing CPR and that will be etched in his mind forever. As his wife, I have to be strong for him and help him move through the pain.

So all we have pictures! Pick up those cameras and take the pictures while you can because you capture memories that you can remember forever. Here are two of my favorite pics....

This is Granny and Kacey at Frankie's cousins wedding in 2007. Kacey was the flower girl.

This picture is Granny and Frankie at our family Christmas party 2008

Rest in Peace Granny (86 years old)!