Monday, October 31, 2011

Happy Halloween

HALLOWEEN....that one holiday that every D-Mom dreads. A holiday centered around CANDY. So as a D-Mom, we sit and make that decision to "let them be kids" or "make them D-kids and not allow it". My girls love dressing up, they always have. So when they start seeing costumes, they go into creative overload and get excited about it. Our family chooses to "let them be kids" and we worry about the candy later. Neither of the girls have ever been big candy eaters and we end up giving most of it away. The last few years, Kacey has taken it into class to be used for the "treat boxes". I buy her candy back with something a movie or books that she wants. It's never been an issue so we really don't dread the holiday too much.

This year we had to opportunity to give back and participate in our church's first ever, Trunk-or-Treat. We chose the theme, "West's Halloween Sweet Shop" and Kacey dressed as a baker handing out candy to the little ones that passed by. Kayleigh's girls group decided to do "Angry Birds" and they dressed up and had a great time with it. We knew there would be a prize for the best decorated trunk but I never expected to win! Our trunk was decorated as the "oven"...complete with lights inside to make it look like a glowing oven. It was so fun! We ended up winning FIRST PLACE....and a $50 gift card. It was awesome!!!

As for Halloween night....well my hubby's best friend still has a small child so the girls dressed up and they took him around trick-or-treating. It was GREAT! Kacey ended up dropping to a 51 during the walk and I became a human pez dispenser (thanks Reyna!) and popped her some glucose tabs. She continued on like nothing was wrong and 10 minutes later she was STILL low...55. So we tore open the Skittles....1 bag....2 bags....and up to a 178 by the time we finished :) Take THAT diabetes! It didn't stop her from having fun and enjoying the giggles. We saw some very creative costumes while we were out.

As for me...I went dressed as the Mom...aka. Silent Pancreas. LOL!


Thursday, October 27, 2011

Pump Prayers

Pump...Pump...Pump...thats all I've had on my brain lately.

We met with Kacey's CDE on the 17th and we discussed how to download Dexcom and use the charts to overlap with the pump charts. Kacey is on a Cozmo pump and since Smith's medical is no longer making the Cozmo, our doctor's office can no longer download the pump at the office anymore. They're phasing it out and if you're on a Cozmo then you have to email your logs prior to appointments or you have to print them and bring them in yourself. What a pain! So I had emailed Kacey's logs from her pump and our CDE printed them and showed us how to use Dexcom effectivly to make changes to her pump. It's the training that we didn't get right after we got Dexcom. We kinda just started using it and really didn't know how to USE it.

Cozmo logs are sorta screwy though. They print out straight up and down. It's the only feature I've never really liked about it and so when I print the logs, I end up feeling overwhelmed because I can't see it all on one page in front of me. As I voiced my opinion to our CDE, she showed us how she transfers them all to another sheet but then she went on to tell us that the other pumps aren't like that. They show them all on one page. Ahhhhhhh! So we took some time to chat with her about pump upgrades and it was a chance for Kacey to talk to her favorite CDE and get her opinion on the pumps. She couldn't sway us one way or another but she could tell us the one we've chosen is PERFECT for Kacey! Kacey asked lots of questions and then she said something that really got to me. She looked at our CDE and said, "You know, I loved Herbie with all my heart and I am not attached to Goober like I was Herbie. I'm in middle school now and I'm ready for a new pump." Shes READY! YES!!!! Shes's READY!!! As sad as we are to see Goober go, she's very excited about what's in store for her with a new pump. When you hold the new technology and you hold the old technology, it's pretty easy to make some decisions.

Sooooooo....The decision is final.....PINK PING IT IS!

Kacey is sure this is what she wants. So I made the call to the Animas rep that we met during pump class. I knew we had to go through her because she was so great with Kacey. She is so sweet but she said they were not sure if we could get approval because most insurance companies would not approve a new pump until the day after the warranty on the old pump runs out. WAIT! Thats crazy! So I told her I would call our insurance...jump through the language barrier hoops to speak to someone that speaks proper English...and ask them about coverage. She told me when I finally got someone, to get their name and extension so we could call back and deal with them directly. Excellent! Now for the BCBS....ring....punch numbers....ring...."Hello?" Oh-Em-Gee! An English speaker from the get go! YESSSSSSSSSS!!! The phone Gods were on my side today. So I explain to her about the pump...6 months from warranty running out....pump company no longer in business....can we upgrade NOW or do we have to wait til the warranty runs out completely? She explained that the pump was never purchased using that insurance so we can upgrade anytime. ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?! I tried telling them this back in Feb!!! But no one would listen to me!! :( Thats so frustrating! So I call the Animas rep back and tell her what the BCBS lady told me and gave her the lady's name and extension. I got the paperwork for the AOB and now it's a waiting game!

In the meantime, we need some prayers. Prayers that everything goes as planned and that there are no road bumps in the way. Also prayers for finances. Pray that financially we can make this happen for Kacey. Our insurance is a 80/20 for DME so we're gonna have to come out of pocket some for this and if we can make payments on it then that will be wonderful! I know God will provide and things will work out as long as we have faith but I'd love all the prayers to start coming in for this now.

So for now....we wait! I will update as we get the news :)

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Blog Giveway!!!

If you haven't jumped over to Shannon's blog for the beautiful bracelet giveaway...DO IT NOW!!! This is a gorgeous piece of jewelry that I hope ends up on Kacey's wrist!!

CLICK HERE to enter!!

She's exending the deadline a few more days!!! :)

Friday, October 21, 2011

Happy Homecoming G-town!'s a word that brings back some of the happiest memories of my 4 years of high school.

Homecoming...when all the schools celebrate and the football team plays a home game.

Homecoming...where we go for "class reunions" every year. I graduated in 1993 and Frankie graduated in 1989 and we both have friends that now have kids that are graduating from the SAME high school with Kayleigh.

When I was a freshman, I had the opportunity to experience a pep rally for the first time. Up until then, I'd heard of them but never really knew what they were. What an experience! The thrill of the entire school cramming onto bleachers in the gym with school colors blazing was such a thrill. I smile when I think about it and I even giggle at how silly we were...with pics to show for it!

So you can believe that when Kayleigh was in 8th grade, we were counting the time til she was finally a freshman and could have that same experience.

Homecoming week a.k.a. "Spirit Week" is always a fun time. The school changes the days each year so you never know until the week before what each day will be. All the schools in our town participate in this fun week but they're all different. We have always participated in the class spirit.

This year at Kayleigh's school was:
Monday- Gender Bender Day (Boys dress like girls and girls dress like boys...ummm 1/2 the school does that now already...hahahah!)

Tuesday- Breast Cancer Awareness Day- Wear pink!

Wednesday- Wacky Wednesday- self explanitory

Thursday- Throwback Thurs- Choose a decade and dress from that time

Friday- GHS Day- Wear your colors proud!

This year at Kacey's school was:
Monday- Twin Day- Dress like a friend

Tuesday- Fashion Disaster- Make a fashion statement!

Wednesday- Hillbilly or Heels- Dress like a hillbilly or wear your fancy clothes

Thursday- Dress like your Fav Teacher

Friday- Wear school colors or high school colors to support the team for the game tonight

Kayleigh is now a senior. The big dog on the bleachers. Each grade level wears a different school color. Freshman wear black, Sophmores wear yellow, Juniors wear red and Seniors wear tie-dye of red and yellow. Seniors make their own shirts and usually write all over them with black. It's been a tradition for years now. So we carried on the tradition and made the shirts this year! As we made the shirts, I had this huge lump in my throat. Another "last" for us. Her last Homecoming. Her last year in school. Our last time of doing this until Kacey gets to the high school. I was sad. I cried as I wrote "CLASS of 2012" on her shirt. I remember when we did her shirt as a freshman. I remember thinking 2012 is so far away and now it's right around the corner. As I wrote "CLASS of 2018" on Kacey's shirt, I didn't take this time for granted. Those 6 years are going to FLY just like they did with Kayleigh!

This afternoon will be packed with a pep rally at 2pm...followed by a parade down Main Street at 4:30pm...and then the football game at the stadium at 7pm. This is it!


Friday, October 14, 2011

How Young Is Too Young?

Over the last several weeks I've had several people comment on Kacey being "too young" to care for herself. As a D-Momma Bear...part of me wants to growl at comments like these. Being "too young" to care for herself?

Both of my girls have always been mature for their age. They both talked on advanced levels...comprehended much more than most of their peers their age....BUT they had different circumstances than most kids their age. When I was pregnant with Kacey, Kayleigh was in Kindergarten. I worked full time teaching preschool at the daycare Kayleigh had attended since birth. I was always around the corner if she needed me. From the time Kayleigh was born, I spent my lunch breaks with her. When it was almost time for Kacey to be born, I made the decision to be a stay at home Mom. We trudged through those bills and paid off what we could and I busted my butt to make sure all we had was basic neccessity bills. We didn't live fancy lives. We didn't drive around in new cars. (Not that you can't do that and still be a stay at home Mom...please don't bash me for that) But with the income my husband had, I was prepared for it to be rough. And....rough it was! Somehow by faith and love, we made it through the difficult task of buying what we NEEDED, not what we WANTED. Anyway....just a little for the last (almost) 12 years, I've had the chance to be a stay at home Mom with my girls. I was able to be there every single moment they needed me. It also gave me a chance to spend time with them. Many days it was just me and Kacey while Kayleigh was at school. I didn't baby her. I didn't put her in a room with toys to occupy herself. I had her under my feet and talked to her constantly. By the time Kayleigh was 7 and Kacey was 2, they were both in the kitchen with me. Kayleigh was making her own lunches, helping with dinner and baking with assistance. Kacey was standing in a chair at the counter helping me with dishes or watching us prepare meals. They've always acted more grown up than they were. They had responsibilities around the house. Yes, even at the age of 3, Kacey picked up her toys, fed the fish, and gave the dog water. As they grew, they had more responsibilities. They were not chores...they were LIFE SKILLS. By the time Kayleigh was 10 and Kacey was 5, they could both manage daily life skills that kept our house running. Kayleigh learned how to seperate clothes, Kacey was taking out trash and pairing socks....they helped make the house run and function. Now...before you bash anymore or shake your head and say stuff like, "When did they have time to be kids?"....they had more of a social life than I ever had. These skills they were learning didn't take anymore than 30 minutes to do but if they held up their part of the responsibility then I made sure they got their "fun stuff". Kayleigh was in karate for 5 years...played field hockey for 4 years...and moved onto her cake business. Kacey played soccer, teeball, softball and is now in cheer, band and chorus. Not to mention youth group at church for both of them. BUSY. Yes, we stay busy and for a house to function, we ALL do our part. all that being said....

When Kacey was diagnosed she was only 8 years old. We've been doing this for 3 1/2 years now. She did shots for 8 months and shes been on her pump for almost 3 years. She did her first finger stick a few days after we came home from the hospital. She did her first shot unassisted only 3 months after coming home. She doesn't remember any life before diabetes. Sad, yes it is but is she sad, no! Diabetes is part of normal daily life for her. The day she came home from the hospital, we had the understanding, "This is life now. There is NO other choice." and thats what we've lived by since then. Just like all the tasks before, she took this on with responsibility and I would NEVER relinquish care to her without feeling 100% certain she could do it. When she first did her shot, she was assisted. She didn't do it until she could figure out her own dose first. She did her shots assisted, with an adult, and then once she was doing them on her own she still had someone checking over her shoulder and making sure every step was done properly. When it came to her dose, counting carbs and bolusing, she still had someone checking over her. In fact, we'd make it a game to see who could figure it out first without messing up. Once she got her pump, things changed even more. She didn't want anyone touching her pump. It was like it was a body part now and it was HERS. Thankfully her pump was figuring up her dose and all she had to do was test her blood sugar and count her carbs correctly and enter them in. By now she was 9 and she was doing Math that the other kids in her class hadn't even done yet. Did I trust her to add her carbs correctly? YOU BET! She was amazing with addition and she'd have them counted before I could turn around for a pen to add them. Before I was done adding, she had already tested her sugar, added her carbs and had the number waiting in her pump for me to say "OK!".  And she was ONLY 9 years old.

She is now approaching 12 years old. She's been doing all her basic care (finger sticks, counting carbs and bolusing) for 2 years unassisted. If there is something that she doesn't know the carb count for, she will come ask me, "How many carbs do you think is in this?" and before I open my mouth, shes pushing buttons on her pump and she will have her guess ready....9 times out of 10....shes RIGHT! So now to my question....

How young is too young?

Is she too young to do her own finger sticks? Is she too young to count her carbs correctly? Is she too young to push the buttons on her pump? Is she too young to get her site change stuff ready? Is she too young to draw insulin into her pump cartridge? Is she too young to load the pump with insulin? Is she too young to check her own ketones? Is she too young to treat a low? Is she too young to do any of these things?

Because she's been doing ALL of these. The only thing she can't do yet is change her own pump sites.

I realize children develop at their own pace. Some are ready to do things quicker than others. Its like reading...some do it faster and others need help. Does this make them any better than the other, NO! Absolutely NOT! I don't think my child is any better than any other child out there but I don't feel she is "too young" to learn the life skills she needs to LIVE. One day I may not be around and she will have to make a decision that could save her life. I want her to know how to care for herself if that ever happened and she WANTS to learn these things. It was not forced learning. She learned this on her own!

So yes, my child is almost 12 years old and I don't think she's too young to care for herself. It's like wiping your teach your kids how to do this when they are able to learn because it's a life skill, right? One day you're not going to be there to wipe their butt and they will have to do it on their own. You have confidence your child will learn this life skill, right? So why wouldn't I give my child the confidence to care for herself?

Ahhhhhh ok, now I feel better :) BTW, this is NOT directed to any of my D-Mommas! This was for those people in my daily life that have asked me recently, "Don't you think shes too young to manage diabetes on her own?"

Oh and did I mention....managing diabetes on her own is NEVER an option....we manage this horrible disease as a family and she cares for herself in a normal environment.  Diabetes affects our ENTIRE family!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

A Testimony and Forgiveness

If you read my blog regularly, you might remember me posting about my journey with a new church and putting God first in my life. Next Monday, Oct 17th, marks one year since I stepped foot into that church. From the moment we walked in, I knew it was "home" and we'd be staying for a long time.

My walk through the last year hasn't been easy. There have been several trials along the way where I strayed from having God at the center of my life and the moment that happens, it seems like things around me fall apart.

Over the last year, my girls have had the opportunity to be involved with an AMAZING youth group at church. They look forward to Thursdays and it makes my heart smile knowing that we made the right decision to drive 30 minutes to a church where we didn't know a single person. They've made friends that have been raised the same way and they enjoy the drama-free zone with them.

What I didn't know was that as I was walking with my girls in their spiritual journey, I was taking my own steps with mine. I've never been a "leader". I love to plan events and be behind the scenes but I don't like being called out and recognized for the things that I do. I've always struggled with that and I know I should be called out but I'm shy in that aspect. With that being I walked the last year, I felt a tug at my heart to be involved with the youth group but I didn't know how to get myself in. During youth nights, I would walk in with the girls, smile and say my goodbyes and then go across the street to Walgreen's to coupon while they were there. Don't get me wrong, I love couponing but I continued to feel that need to be at church with the youth. When the new youth pastor took over, I offered to stay and help with food and take pictures for an event they were having. The next week came and I didn't leave...I stayed to "hang out" for crowd control. The next week....same thing! Before I knew it, I wasn't leaving to go couponing and I was looking forward to being involved. I continued to pray about how God was going to use me. I didn't want to lead anything thats for sure! I just wanted to be involved. A volunteer meeting was set up and I made sure I was there. "How can I help?" ....Check in coordinator? Yep! I can greet the kids and check off who is here, add new kids and set it all up in the computer in Excel. Food? Yep! I can help with that and make sure we have cakes for certain occasions. Lead a group? Ummm...NO! I'm not a "leader" remember? I offered to "help" with a group but there was no way I could lead a group. WHY NOT? Why can't you lead Jill? Ummm....I'm not where I need to be in my spiritual journey and I've been praying about it but I'm just not ready yet. HOW COME? You were a teacher for 8 years...You've been a sub in the school system for 3 years....But you don't lead? That's not so! So WHY? What are you afraid of? Ummm....that I will make a mistake? MISTAKE? How can you make a mistake? You're sharing God's word and if your heart was led here then you're ready. I just need some time! The Accountability groups were forms and I was paired with the pastor's wife to lead 8th-9th grade girls. We met for the 2nd time last week. The first meeting was just a "get to know you" and last week we started a new book called "Before You Meet Prince Charming". WOW! I didn't realize how powerful this was going to be and I'm beginning to understand how God is going to use me. Anyway, I got a message from the pastors wife and she explained that she would not be here this week since they were going out of town and she wanted to know if I was ok leading the group? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! NOT YET!!!!! That's what I kept screaming on the inside and then I kept saying, "Well what if Kacey is sick and we can't make it to youth? What if Kayleigh still isn't feeling well? I'm scared to commit to it and then have to back out. She handed me the book and said I would have some help from another one of the leaders if I needed it. I gulped as I took the book. Am I really ready, God? Am I ready to lead these girls on their journey for this week?

I mentioned that last week we started the new book, "Before You Meet Prince Charming". If you have little girls, it's a MUST READ for you and when they get to preteen/teen years then its a MUST READ with them. I've had a chance to look at the book this week and I am going to buy it and read with my girls. It tells the story of a princess that lives in a castle with the king (God) and she goes out to the moat to visit the alligator (Satan). The alligator starts putting things in her head about how she can be independent and make her own choices and she doesn't need her father telling her what to do all the time. It's a book about staying pure to yourself and making the right choices about spiritual and sexual purity. It's one of those books that doesn't go into too much "graphic" detail so it can be read with Kacey's age but it can be led that way with older girls for Kayleigh's age. It talks about dating and dating for purpose and the right reasons. So as we're reading the first chapter with the 5 girls we had last week in the group (none of which were mine since these are 8th-9th grade girls), I felt another tugging at my heart. I felt the need to share MY story. It's a story I've shared with my girls but it's a testimony that if you only wait for the man God brings to you then you will have that happiness you've longed for. MY story...yes the one where I dated the same guy through high school. I thought he was the man I was going to marry. I thought we were going to live happily ever after and as long as we had "love" then we could make it through anything. I look back now and see just how naive and stupid I really was. I didn't know what love was because I didn't really know Jesus yet. I wasn't raised in church. I wasn't a part of a youth group with Christian friends. I had a father who drank and yelled all the time and a mother who did everything for her kids and nothing for herself. My weekends were spent unsupervised with this boy that I thought was going to be my forever. know what that means...trouble! Only 8 months after graduating high school, I found out that I was pregnant. Not married. Pregnant. Minimum wage job. Embarrassed. Ashamed. College career was over. How were we going to make it? I had a huge dose of reality! As I drank in the reality, my boyfriend continued to live off the "As long as we have our love then we can make it" theory. Keep in mind, this was 18 years ago. I was only 18 years old. Love can't pay your bills. Love can't take care of a sick baby. Love can't work your job. After a year of fighting the battle and growing up, I was given an ultimatum. "Either you move out and marry me or I'm leaving". How's that for a smack in the face while driving to the mall for a Friday night date? He didn't have a stable job. He still lived with his parents. I lived with my Mom. I had a stable but minimum wage job and was planning my college career and the use of the scholarships that I was awarded at graduation. I was on my Mom's insurance with Kayleigh. WHY would I leave stability to move into an unstable world with a baby, only to fall on our face and have to move back home. I refused to do it! In the end, I know in my heart I made the right choice. So...the boy....yep he left. His parents highered a lawyer and thus began the nasty court battle. His bitter parents fought me for a seperate visitation day, even though he lived with them. He got his visitation day, Kayleigh lived with me and my Mom and his parents got a whole seperate day. My world...the forever that I thought I would have...was forever divided! I spent my days crying when she was gone and hating these people for dragging me though this bitter battle. It hurt Kayleigh so deep that her wounds took years to heal. When she was 2, I met my husband. From day one, he adored her and she thought he was the best thing since sliced bread. I hesitated letting them meet but I knew in my heart that he was the one. I knew he'd be around for a long time. We dated for 2 years before getting married. During that time, he had a chance to see how cruel and bitter the other side of her family really were. When Kayleigh was 7, my ex relinquished his rights and Frankie adopted her. Only then did the healing process begin. We had finally healed to a point of forgiveness. But it was much more than forgiveness. We'd started to see where God was leading us. I really couldn't see it at the time but I see it now. The wounds heal but the scars are there forever. The scars are a reminder of where we've been and how far we've come. Back to the group... I explained to them that they might think they are in love and they boy will be around forever when they are in middle school and high school but the reality is that once you graduate, the chances of him sticking around are slim and the chances of him being grown up enough to support you and a baby are even slimmer. It's a tough world out there and caring for a baby is expensive, expecially if there are chronic illnesses involved. I told them to enjoy their high school years, enjoy fun times with friends because once you have a baby, that all stops! You become a parent and you have an entirely different role and resposnsibility is the first on the list. The girls listened as I spoke through tears. The emotions as raw as they were 18 years ago. And here I sat, telling my story. Gos using me in their spiritual journey. Was this where I was meant to me? Absolutely! Was it meant for me to share my story so quick into the book? You bet it was! Being an unmarried single mom is rough! I wouldn't want any young girl to have to go through the nasty battle that I went through. If I could go back and change the past, would I? Nope! Those struggles made me who I am today. I wouldn't have a story to tell if I did, right?
So over the last year, I've strayed from God on several occasions. I lashed out instead of talking to God about it first. I blogged about those occasions and then deleted them because it added fuel to the fire burning and Satan was getting a good chuckle. So where does that leave me in my journey? Well...I had some forgiving to do, right? I forgive my ex and his wife for the events that happened back in February. I forgive you both for handling things the way you did. I want you both to know that the actions Kayleigh took were NOT my doing. You can believe that if you want to but they really were not my call. She chose to block you all from her Facebook so she could eliminate the drama in her life. She felt like things were getting out of hand and to stop it, she decided the less she saw of things you both were posting, the better things would be. Obviously that backfired and it was another bitter blow up. Sadly, that text conversation is saved on her phone. A bitter reminder of what happened and how it could have been handled differently. If I seriously wanted you all out of her life then I would have cut contact with you all when she was 7. But being the better person, even though you relinquished your rights, for reasons you say are different than mine, I still let you see her and have a relationship with her. She is still puzzled because your story is different from mine, yet you chose not to share it with her because she wouldn't sit face to face with you to tell it. She remembers. She remembers more than you know. She remembers more than I wanted her to ever remember. She remembers things you said, things you did, little things that might not have mattered at the time but they were big things in her eyes. She remembers things you might not even remember saying or doing. She remembers as far back as 4 years old. Anyway...The extent of the relationship you chose to have with her layed in your hands. You chose to see her on certain holidays and a few other times through the year. You chose not to call her regularly, even when we bought her her own cell phone so you didn't have to call mine to speak with her anymore. We bought her unlimited texting, yet you chose not to text unless she texted you. That was the relationship you chose with her, not us. Since February when everything happened, she stepped out and reached out to you twice. The first time the night the tornado hit in April and the second time the day after when we drove her to your house to make sure you all were okay. Since then, there has been no attempt at a relationship. For the first time in 17 years, you missed her birthday. Sure, she was mad at you all in February but she's still a child on her own journey and you should have been the bigger person and at least acknowledged her. So for the first time in her life, she said to me, "I only have one Daddy and he's been the only Daddy I've ever really known and he got me a special card just from him. Thats one of the nicest things ever Mommy." Cut me to the core, yes it did. I may have hated you all when everything first happened years ago, but I grew to have a friendship with you both...or so I thought. You may not know it, but she and I forgave you for all those things. We forgave you for all that hurt caused when you boxed up her entire room and gave it to the Goodwill. We forgave you for forcing her to eat food she didn't want to eat. We forgave you for all those hurtful things. And we asked God to speak to your heart and forgive us for anything we said wrong. She knows right now you choose not to be in her life. She knows right now it's probably best that you're not in her life. But for me, it makes me sad knowing you all have missed so much since February. You missed her driving. You missed the ordering of her class ring. You missed her Ring Dance. You missed out on seeing pics from the Culinary competition. You missed out on her visit to Culinary Institute of VA. You missed the start of her Senior year. You missed her 17th birthday. You missed the assembly for cap & gown and graduation announcements. You missed the start of her senior project. You're missing out on all the good she is doing with her life. You're missing out on her spiritual journey that she is making and the impact that this senior project is having with her life. I'm sad for you. I'm sad that you're choosing not to make every attempt at a relationship with her. I'm sad that she insists that she does NOT want you present at graduation (so if you're making plans to go then I sure hope you make amends with her first) All this being said, I forgive you both and I'm asking that we put this to rest and make peace for the sake of the beautiful daughter we have involved. If it was just me, then I wouldn't care. I wouldn't worry about whether you forgave me or not. But this involves my baby girl and as we walk this journey together, I want to make sure that she is making the right choices in her life so she doesn't end up in the same situation that brought me to this point in my life. It's not too late to make amends with her. It only takes a text or a phone call. <3

For those of you that made it this far, thank you.

I got this in an email from my Mom and I perfect!

An Angel says, 'Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what

may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain.
Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice.'

1. Pray

2. Go to bed on time.

3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.

4. Say No to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that

will compromise your mental health.

5. Delegate tasks to capable others.

6. Simplify and unclutter your life.

7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too


8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.

9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over

time; don't lump the hard things all together.

10. Take one day at a time.

11. Separate worries from concerns . If a situation is a concern, find

out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety . If you can't

do anything about a situation, forget it.

12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary


13.. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key

buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.

14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an

enormous amount of trouble.

15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday.

16. Carry a novel with you to read while waiting in line.

17. Get enough rest.

18. Eat right.

19 Get organized so everything has its place.

20. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of


21. Write down thoughts and inspirations.

22. Every day, find time to be alone.

23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems

in the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try and pray..

24. Make friends with Godly people.

25. Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand.

26. Remember that the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often

a good 'Thank you God .'

27. Laugh.

28. Laugh some more!

29 Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all.

30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they


31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).

32. Sit on your ego.

33 Talk less; listen more.

34. Slow down.

35. Remind yourself that you are not the general manager of the


36 Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that

you've never been grateful for before. GOD HAS A WAY OF TURNING THINGS


'If God is for us, who can be against us?'
(Romans 8:31)

Please pray for me as I lead the girls group tonight for the first time.
Much love to you all!

Songbird vs. Saxaphone

Its hard to believe that school has been in over a month now. Kacey has 3 favorite classes...okay maybe 4. She absolutely adores one teacher that she has and she is in his class for Science and Intervention. We hesitated putting her in an Intervention class but it's been GREAT for her. Instead of having her take gym for 45 minutes every day, we had the chance to put her in a class that would be used to help her catch up on missed work for all the time she might miss from class for being sick or leaving school due to diabetes. I tossed the decision back and forth but eventually I knew I made the right choice because when she started missing time for being sick, she was able to catch up much faster than she would have otherwise. So...back to this teacher. I don't know what it is about him but she comes home talking about him every day. This is the first time since 1st grade that she's had a man teacher and she just LOVES his class. So Science and Intervention...the other two classes....CHORUS and BAND! I was excited to see that she had both classes at the same time...and so was she!

Let's start with Chorus...
It's another man teacher and he is so soft spoken and has an amazing personality! He and Kacey hit it off right away. Kacey has always been a "singer". She sings all the time....while doing things around the house...while in the shower....while riding her bike. She is always making up silly songs. So when she found out there would be tryouts for the Festival Chorus, she knew right away she wanted to do it! Three weeks ago, she tried out against over 80 other kids. Only 40 would be chosen....yikes! Two days later, we found out...SHE MADE IT!!! So this meant another commitment of staying afterschool EVERY Tues from 2:30-4:30pm for practice. I talked with the teacher and he didn't mind me hanging around to "help". So now I've brought a new title on myself..."Festival Chorus Mom"...haha! I organized the snacks for the weeks coming and just hang around and play "Pancreas" in the meantime. It's been AMAZING to watch these kids. There are some really good singers in the group and their harmonies are wonderful. So now, Kacey is singing like she always has but she's singing the songs for the upcoming concert in December.

Now onto Band...
She's begged me to play the saxaphone for the last 3 years. She begged her music teacher in elementary school to let her play any instrument she could get her hands on. By 5th grade, they finally allowed them to use recorders. She brought it home every day and practiced until she could finally play a tune. But...she wanted MORE! So when it finally came time to choose her classes, I knew Band would be at the top of the list and the saxaphone would be in that number one spot to choose. was! It turns out...the only instrument she could get music out of was the sax! Go figure! So we got her instrument and the first night she brought it home, she sat down on the couch, put it together and started to blow. A beautiful sound came out of it and we all smiled. It's only been 3 weeks but she practices every single night and she has memorized 2 songs, "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" and "Mary Had A Little Lamb". She took her first test last week on the first song and her teacher asked her to get her book out and she replied, "I don't need it!" and puzzled her teacher asked "Why?" to which she responded, "Because I memorized it!" LOL! The teacher asked her to recite the notes and she spit them out like she'd known them forever and her teacher was so surprised! She did wonderful on her test! Today she has another test. Again, she has those notes memorized and she's practiced hard over the last week. Her goal....MARCHING BAND! She knows she can play and now she wants to play while she walks and it's been all she can do to NOT stand while she is playing! I know it won't be long and she will be marching around the house playing. And you know what....I am blessed to be able to hear it and watch her grow :) (and yes, I keep the Motrin handy...LOL!)

I am the momma of a songbird AND a sax player :) This week I am hoping to make a video of her playing so I can share it with you all.

So how does diabetes relate in all of this? Well there are days she is high and she feels crappy but she still finds joy in singing. It soothes her. And there are days her fingers hurt so bad because she's tested on them so much but she has so much drive to play that sax and play it good that she pushes through the pain to press those keys. She rocks it and....DIABETES WILL NOT WIN!