Friday, January 30, 2009
Thank you Amy, Allison & Scott! It was a great contest and I am running off a copy of this book to save for Kacey in her scrapbook for years to come.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Next Thursday, we will go to the class. When we get there, they provide a dinner for us (complete with carb amounts written on the board...YAY!) Then there are 3 different companies that will talk to us...MiniMed, Cozmo and Animas. Once we hear about all the different pumps, then we will look at different sites. Kacey will then get a site put in to try. Nothing will be hooked to it but she can wear it for 3 days and see how it feels. After we choose the pump we want (which we are 99% sure which one we're going with), then the doctor's office will submit the papers for the pump and the letter of Medical Necessity to our insurance company. She said from that point it is a waiting game. (Ugh!) She said she's seen approval in as little as 4 weeks and as long as 8 weeks. (Grumbles!) Once we get the approval, then the pump will be sent to the doctor's office. An appointment will be scheduled for us and we will go in for Pump Training. The training is a 3 hour class like what we got in the hospital but a little easier because this time we know the "medical terms" like bolus, basal, correction and all that stuff. She said since we've already been looking at pump info and I've read Pumping Insulin then we should do just fine :) Once we get the training then Kacey will be hooked up for a "Saline Trial" for a whole week. During this week, we will do everything like we would with the pump and dose her but instead of insulin, she will get the saline. She will take the insulin by injection. We will do 2 site changes this week as well. Then we will go back after that week and show that we are capable of doing everything with the pump and she will be switched from saline to insulin....and be pumping for real! YAYYYYY!
I'm so excited but at the same time very nervous as well. I'm worried about insurance crap. What do we do if they don't approve it? How long will it take to approve? How much will we end up having to pay for it? How much will all the supplies be a month? Will it be more than the $160 a month we pay already? Will she get alot more insulin than she is getting already? So much is swirling around in my head and I know I need to gather my thoughts! My other big issue is school and the school nurses training for the pump....but thats an entire topic in itself that I will address later ;)
So thats where we stand right now...class, approval, more training and then hookup for real!
1. What do you add to your coffee?
I love flavored creamer (anything except vanilla) and Splenda :)
2. What are you reading now?
This survery...LOL! Acutally I just read Pumping Insulin again to refresh my memory and make my list of questions for Pump Class next Thurs.
3. Do you own a gun?
No I don't, but my husband owns 7 of them.
4. Are you registered to vote?
Absolutely! And I DO :)
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
Gosh yes! Not only before my appts but before the girls doc appts as well. It's just something about a doctor that makes me nervous to start with.
6. What do you think of hot dogs?
Ewwwwwwww! (I'm a vergetarian!)
7. Favorite Christmas Song?
O' Holy Night and It Came Upon A Midnight Clear
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Coffee :) The WHOLE pot! haha!
9. Can you do push ups?
Ummm...I'm sure I could but it's been a long time since I tried LOL
10. What was the name of your first boyfriend/girlfriend?
Charles (9th grade)
11. What’s your favorite piece of jewelery?
My Family ring...it has our names engraved on it and all 4 birthstones in it
12. Favorite hobby?
Scrapbooking, taking pictures, blogging...anything I can do to destress :)
13. Do you work with people who idolize you?
I don't think so...I work with a great group of teachers and they are quick to tell me how much they appreciate all my help with volunteering but I wouldn't call it an "idol"
14. Do you have ADD?
15. What’s one trait that you hate about yourself?
Right now...my weight
16. What’s your Middle name?
17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment.
~Kacey's nurse just called and shes a 79 for lunch (another low)
~I haven't blogged since Monday and its not cuz I didn't want to...I've been busy!
~I'm thankful I can go on the fieldtrip to the Air & Space Center with Kacey tomorrow!
18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday.
~Coffee at 7-11
~Gas for the car
~Another coffee at 7-11
19. Name 3 beverages you regularly drink.
20. Current worry right now?
I'm scared about insurance approval for Kacey's pump. Our CDE said it could take 4-8 weeks to be approved and I have this sick feeling about fighting the insurance for approval and coverage. It's probably nothing to worry about but I still am.
21. What side do you dress to?
LOL...I don't know...I dress to the front ~giggles hysterically~
22. Favorite place to be?
Snuggled in bed with a good book, good movie, or my kids :) OR On the beach soaking up some sunshine while my girls play in the sand
23. How did you bring in the New Year?
This year we were in the living room...Me & both girls and then we woke Frankie up with firecrackers.
24. Where would you like to go?
I'm looking forward to our vacation to Hawaii this year. All we have to buy are plane tickets because my brother is living over there and we get to stay with him and go touring with him and his family. I'm really excited to see them! I miss them all so much :(
25. Name three people who will complete this.
Not sure? Maybe Sheri, Cara & Lynnea
26. Whose answers do you want to read the most?
Anyone who is willing to take the time to answer these.
27. What color shirt are you wearing?
28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
NOWAY! I hate slipping and sliding when I sleep. I like crisp cotton ones :D
29. Can you whistle?
Nope :( I try! I can whistle a little if I suck in
30. Favorite colors(s)?
Purple and pink
31. Could you be a pirate?
Nah...I'm way too clean for that LOL!
32. What songs do you sing in the shower?
I sing anything ;)
33. Favorite girls name?
Kayleigh & Kacey :D ...if we had another girl she would have been Karissa Bailey (both girls have have the same initials, KBW, and so we would of done that again)
34. Favorite boy’s name?
Don't know really? If we'd of had another baby and it would have been a boy we would have named him Keith Braxton (family names but still the KBW)
35. What’s in your pocket right now?
My ID badge from school, cell phone and $3
36. Last thing that made you laugh?
My friend, Lyn. We did some volunteer work at the school today and I think the Starbucks went to our brains LOL!
37. Best bed sheets as a child?
Holly Hobbie ...then New Kids On The Block as I got older
38. Worst injury you’ve ever had?
OMG I don't know...I'm so accident prone. I'd probably have to say the one to my knee. I jumped off some bleachers after a hockey championship game 2 years ago and damaged the cartlidge and ligaments to the point that I had to have knee surgery :(
39. Do you love where you live?
I do...I just hate being so far off the road. Our driveway is 1/4 mile long and we have 5 acres of land
40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
4...yikes... our room, Kays room, Kaceys room and the Living room
41. Who is your loudest friend?
LOL I'll plead the 5th!
42. How many dogs do you have?
One named Nemo and he is 6
43. Does anyone have a crush on you?
I dont think so! LOL
44. What are the most fun things you ever did?
Ahhhhh I'm always up for fun ;) and I try and make everything I do fun
45. What are your favorite books?
The Twilight series
46. What is your favorite candy?
Reeses and Smarties (the ones from England)
47. Favorite Team?
Depends on the sport...NFL- Raiders
48. What songs do you want played at your funeral?
Whatever they feel like playing
49. What were you doing at 12 AM?
Snoozing soundly :)
50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
It's only 5:30am and the alarm was set for 6:00am!
51. Have you ever received an award?
Yes :) Lots of them
52. How many browser tabs do you have open right now?
53. Share a website with us.
54. Look at the wall to your right, what is on it?
Cork board with Halloween pics pinned up, a few addresses, Coast Guard sticker and a white board with Cara and Sheri's phone numbers on it.
55. Have you ever rescued/taken in a stray animal?
Yes *sigh* Im such a sucker!
56. When I say "Moo I'm a duck" do you think of a cow or a duck?
57. If the Pillsbury Dough Boy got into a fight with Mrs. Butterworth who would win? And would anybody get hurt?
Yummyyyy....if they did then I'd have biscuts with syrup HAHAHA! I'd say Mrs. Butterworth will come out on top for sure! (heehee...get it... on top...LOL!)
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Friday, January 23, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
I am thrilled with the results and that is an excellent A1c for just 6 months into diagnosis! Her doctor was very happy to see that number :) When she was diagnosed her A1c in the hospital was a 10.5%!! We were in there for a little over an hour because we got to speak with the Educational Consultant about how she was doing in school and how the 504 Plan was working out. Everything was so positive! Dr. R came back in and I got to ask all my questions *smiles* The major one being....
When can Kacey start the pump?
His response.... (looking down at all her paperwork and then looking back up at Kacey) "I don't see any reason why we can't have her in the pump class on Feb 5th."
O.M.G.!!! I dont think I've ever seen Kacey smile so big before! So YES...there IS a possibility if everything goes smoothly with getting the insurance approval, she should be pumping by her birthday on March 8th. I just can't put into words how thrilled I am right now for Kacey.
Dr. R went on to praise her for keeping her blood sugars in good control, making sure she rotates shot sites and for not overusing her fingers since she tests so often. After we did all that she had to go have labs done... a blood test to check levels and cholesterol and a urine test. The last time she had to be stuck like that was when she was admitted in the ER for diagnosis and that brought back some pretty tough memories (for all of us!)
She wasn't too happy about getting the blood test. After we finished in there, we took a walk down to the ER to see if we could find Nurse Amanda. She was Kacey's ER nurse when she was diagnosed and admitted to the PICU. We spoke to two different people and they didn't know who we were talking about :( So we didn't get to see her.
It was a long day full of excitement and a few tears. This was the first time we'd been back to the hospital since she was diagnosed and walking through the hallways brought back all those memories. Some good, some bad. I asked both girls what memories they had of being there. Kayleigh laughed about eating cafeteria food with Daddy and how noisy it was in the PICU. Kacey got tears in her eyes and said I remember how nice the nurses were to me and getting to play with the sick kids in the playroom. I turned to Frankie and asked him what his memories were and he said he just remembers being scared because she was so sick. As for me...it all seems to be such a blur and I just remember feeling rushed through everything. Everyone was so nice and so supportive and I just remember feeling so low. I beat myself up over the guilt I felt. Guilty for not being able to see all the signs sooner and her getting so sick. My memories this time....I walked through those halls with confidence. The confidence I've gained the last 6 months. The feeling of control....control over Kacey's diabetes. This time I walked through those halls with a smile. A smile because we are not letting this D-Monster rule our lives anymore!
Today was a good day....no make that a GREAT day!
More about pump class soon :) YAYYYYYYYY!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Excited. Nervous. Scared. Anxious. Happy. All of these feelings are swirling around inside of me. I'm excited because I finally get to discuss getting Kacey on the pump. I'm nervous because I don't know what to expect. I'm scared because it's the D-Report Card and this will tell me how good we've managed things the last 6 months. I'm anxious because I have a list of questions to ask and I hope I have time to get them all answered. I'm happy because if Kacey is approved for the pump then we could be in pump classes as early as the first Thursday in Feb and it makes me smile to think that the "All I want for my birthday is a new pump!" is actually possible! I just hope that "Disappointed" isn't added to that list after the visit!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
First, on Friday, my computer started acting weird. I did a virus scan and it locked up. I had one of those "Oh shit!" moments. I tried 3 more times to run the scan with no luck. It wasn't long after that I got a pop-up telling me my computer was infected with a worm and I needed to run a complete scan. Ummmm....I TRIED TO! So I ended up downloading another free scan. No luck! It would get to the end of the download and then tell me it couldn't be downloaded. My browser was hijacked and I couldn't get to any website directly to download another program. So after 3 days of research I finally got Malwarebytes Anti-Malware to download and once I renamed the file it worked ;) Ahhhh the power of the net is a great thing! Virus can kiss my ass! I will now make a vow to run the scan every other day to keep that crap from getting in my computer.
So...then yesterday morning Kayleigh woke up and said she didn't feel well. Since she is due for her time of the month I told her it was probably just that and for her to just take a day to rest. She got a shower thinking she'd feel better but when I heard the call from the bathroom....you know the call... "Mommmmmmmm I need you!" with that bit of panic in her voice. I went running in and she was sitting on the closed lid toilet and said she didn't feel good and everything went black and she was seeing black and yellow spots. The "mommy panic" set in and I immediately grabbed the glucose kit because my first thought was low blood sugar since she hadn't had much of an appetite the day before. It was an 84...perfect for a nondiabetic. She sat there for a few more minutes as this passed and she didn't have anymore symptoms until lunchtime. She said she was freezing and her body was aching all over and when I went to touch her cheeks she was burning up! She was running almost a 102 fever...yikes! No sore throat, no cough, no stuffy nose or drainage, no sick stomach, no loose bowels... I was puzzled! I gave her some Motrin and she went back to bed. She still didn't have much of an appetite. She stayed in bed all afternoon and started feeling a little better by dinnertime. She ate a little bit of dinner and went right back to bed. She alternated between pulling the covers up and kicking them off so I knew she still had the fever. She ran between 100-101 all night and then this morning it was back up to nearly 103! I put her in the bathtub and called the doctor. They got her in right away. The doc tested her for strep and the flu...both were negative (thank goodness!) So what is it? A VIRUS!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhh! It's a virus that mimics the flu but without the throwing up and loose bowels. It wipes you off your feet though. She also had protein in her urine and I have to take her back in a few days to have that rechecked. She was quick to tell me there were no traces of sugar (LOL! Duh!) And whats even worse...Kacey just came to me an hour ago and said "Mommy, I don't feel too good." UGH! The doc told me that it would probably go through all of us since it was a virus and there is nothing we can do to prevent it. Ummmm...can you say LYSOL? Hahaha! It just sucks because I know if Kacey gets it then it will throw her blood sugars in a tailspin again.
So thats been my last few days in a nutshell.
As for this week....
Tonight we are spose to be dumped on with about 6 inches of snow. I'll believe it when I see it...LOL! Kayleigh has exams this week so that will throw the exam schedule out of whack for sure. But with all the hustle and bustle of everything going on, it made the days fly by a little faster and we are down to 3 days until Kacey's Endo visit! More to come on that soon :)
Thursday, January 15, 2009
On this day 6 months ago, Kacey was admitted into the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit at CHKD. It was one of the scariest days of my life but as I look back these last 6 months, I can look at just how far we've come on this diabetes journey. I went from knowing nothing and being deathly afraid of needles to educating myself as much as I could about what Kacey is going through and gaining the confidence to give her those shots. I learned so many new words that I'd never even heard before. I know what it means to bolus. I know what basals are. I know what it means to look for trends. All of that was something I didn't understand. I do now! We are going to celebrate tonight with diet hot chocolate (4 carbs) and mini nilla wafers (20 carbs)...wooohoooo! That was Kacey's choice ;)
Thanks again to all of you for your support over the last 6 months! I'd be bald without you all!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
The lima bean planted in mulch on Day 5
The lima bean planted in rocks on Day 5
The lima bean planted in mulch on Day 6 ... I see leaves!!
More pics coming in the next days....
Today is a good day :) The reason...because I feel like I do have control of Kacey's diabetes, despite the highs and lows she is having. I feel like I understand things so much more and I've certainly come a long way and learned ALOT in 6 months. I am thankful to have one CDE call me every week (God I hate change!) I used to get frustrated when we had 3 different ones calling and none of them really knew us. I've built a nice relationship with our CDE and it was actually nice to sit and talk with her for 15 min on the phone today. I didn't feel rushed and she was really open to my ideas. When she told me I was doing a good job managing things I felt a beam of sunlight :) Thats a great feeling! LOL I giggled and told her the true test would be that "report card" we get next Thurs! She reminded me that we were only 6 months into this and not to expect to have that 6.0 and I said anything lower than the 10.5 she had in the hospital would be great with me ;)
Tomorrow is a big day for me. I will be substitute teaching all day for my internship. I am shadowing a great 1st grade teacher :) I've already popped in to tell her I was going to be in the class with her and she was thrilled to know the name on the email she got was me. (Can you say....confidence boost!) I'm really excited!
Monday, January 12, 2009
Then there was an artist that brought a canvas with fish drawn on it. Each child had a chance to paint a fish. This painting will go to auction and the money raised will go directly to JDRF. How cool is that? Last year, the painting was sold for $7000! The buyer of the painting, Kacey's Endo doc office. Very neat!
About 20 minutes before the ceremony was due to start, the people really started to show up. I had no idea that this was a catered event either! I was just blown away at how nice everything was. So we're sitting there waiting for Kacey's name to be called and this man walks over to our table. He speaks to the other woman sitting there and she goes on to introduce him to Kacey and tell him she was only diagnosed 6 months ago. He knelt down beside her and began to tell her how his son was 16 and diagnosed at 3. He is on a pump and does everything any other child does. He asks her if she's on a pump yet? Her reply, "No, not yet and I wanted to ask Santa for one but Mommy said Dr. R had to give it to me." This grown man actually teared up! He kissed her forehead and went on to tell her that they were doing all they could to raise money to find a cure. He walked over to me and said "You must me Mom?" I laughed and he bent down to my ear and said "You make sure that little girl gets her pump and if you run into any financial problems with it then you call me personally! My son is 16 and was diagnosed at 3 and the pump changed our lives and I want to see each and every child have the same chance as well as every parent getting the break that I did!" I was floored! Who is this man? He went on from table to table talking to people. Many seemed to know him, but I didn't. Why didn't I know who he was? So I asked the lady sitting at our table who he was and come to find out he was the president of the board. Wowwwwww! He then asked for all of the people with diabetes to stand up. Thats when I got really emotional. About 50% of the room stood up. Some wore their pumps proudly where they could be seen while others hid them in nice dresses and others were not wearing pumps at all. I was shocked to see that there were as many adults standing as children. Adults that had lived with diabetes for 20-30 years just like my fellow D-bloggers. This was the first time I'd been in the company of so many diabetics in the same room. And...I was just amazed at the outpour of love and support in that room!
Kacey received the Golden Sneaker Award but then we had no idea that our team would be getting an award as well. Our team got the Silver Award and we got a really nice hanging plaque. We got some really good fundraising ideas and I'm looking forward to starting them this year.
This is been Kacey's lowest yet!! Umm, Kacey do you feel low? No. Do you feel shaky? No, I'm just hungry. I quickly got her something to bring her up. 15 min later, 88. Wow! By then she was getting fussy and wanted lunch. So she had lunch and tested 2 hours after that and she was an 81 (and falling). So her body decided to do something silly yesterday because then once we got to the JDRF Awards, she was running in the 200's! What scared me was she never felt the low! Thats really low for her and she wasn't having any symptoms!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Friday, January 9, 2009
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Last night she went to bed around 8pm and woke up at 9:30pm in a sobbing cry. I went in her room and she was sitting up in bed wiping her face. I asked her what was wrong? I thought maybe she was dreaming and she said her tummy hurt. So I felt her face to see if she was warm. She wasn't. She then said "Mommy I think I need to test because I feel low." LOW? She was a 234 before bed. She couldn't be that low in just an hour. So I got her kit and she was a 199. She sat there and continued to sob insisting she was low. She kept saying "Mommy I feel it! I feel low!" So I retested her to make sure...198. Nope she wasn't low. She did it again this morning. She woke up at a 156 and was extremely tired. She said she felt "fuzzy". She insisted she was low and she knew what low felt like! Because I don't know what a low feels like, it's hard for me to understand what her body is doing. Does anyone know what she's talking about? Could she be feeling like that because she's starting to come down from a 200+ blood sugar? I don't know and I don't understand why she's feeling this.
She did go on to school and she said she didn't have the feeling anymore. When she tested for dinner she was a 91 and she wasn't feeling "weird".
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Going back 9 years....
It only takes ONE event to make you become a stay at home Mom...the complicated birth of a daughter....
When I was pregnant with Kacey, I'd been teaching preschool for nearly 8 years. I had a very rough pregnancy. When I was 6 months pregnant with her I went into early labor. They were able to put me on medication to keep me from dialating but it never took away the contractions. It just kept them from being regular. My last few weeks of pregnancy were spent in and out of the hospital and doctor's office. A month before my due date, Feb 2000, I hadn't felt Kacey move in over 24 hours. I called the doctors office twice that day and they reassured me it was because she was "big" and "the space in there was tight". In my heart I knew something else was wrong. That evening I was nearly in a state of panic and I called the emergency line to my doctor. He called me back and said that if it would make me feel better then go on to the hospital and let them hook me to the monitor and make sure things were okay. I didn't hesitate and we were on our way to the hospital 45 minutes away. Normally if I jiggled my tummy then Kacey would push back but there was nothing. No pushing foot. No pushing hand. No head banging around in there. We got to the hospital and I explained my problem and they immediately took me into the room and hooked me up. The nurse began to move the monitor around. I could see the look on her face was one that was disturbed. She called for the head nurse. She began moving the monitor. She had an even more disturbed look. I then rallied the courage to say "What's wrong?" and she looked at me and said "We can't find a heartbeat." I immediately went into a hysterical cry. I was 8 months pregnant...managed to keep her inside me 2 months longer than my body really wanted her in....and now THIS? Within a few minutes, they found a faint beat. There were 3 nurses in there calming me. One of them immediately gave me 2 cans of apple juice to drink as fast as I could. The beat got stronger and they kept me overnight. They tried to tell me that it was a "bad monitor" and the baby was fine. I begged the doctor to run more tests because I really did think there was something more wrong. He just passed it off as me being a paranoid Mom (which btw, really pissed me off!) I was released to go home and over the span of 2 weeks, Kacey would stop moving for a period of a few hours and I'd cry for hours after because I'd had a baby before and I knew that I could make her move if I wanted her to. On March 8, 2000 I woke up and felt "funny". I called into work and told my boss I wasnt feeling well but we didnt have anyone to cover my class so I told her I would try to come in. Because I'd had contractions over the last 3 months, feeling the cramps were nothing out of the ordinary for me. I taught preschool that day! Worked from 7am to 3pm. Went to get Kayleigh from school at 3:30pm. On the way home, I got a sick stomach. I was beginning to wonder if maybe I was coming down with the flu! I was off all my medications and it never occured to me that this might be labor. Kayleigh and I got home at 4pm and she started homework while I went to get a bath. A warm bath always relaxed me. As I layed there in the bath, the pain started to get worse and I realized the pains were coming every 8 minutes or so. Could this be? Nah! I still have 2 weeks! I'm not due til March 18th! I got out of the bath and thats when I knew that it was labor for sure. I knew Frankie was on his way home from work (we didn't have cell phones then). I called my doctor and told him that the pains seemed to be every 7-8 minutes. His words, "Why arent you on your way to the hospital?" LOL! Frankie came home, got a shower and we were on our way! As we were driving, Kayleigh shouts from the backseat, "I'm hungry!" Oh yeah...I was so wrapped up in pain that I forgot to feed her! Frankie hadn't eaten either soooooo... with contractions every 6 minutes by now, Frankie pulls through the McDonald's drive thru to get them something to eat. Haha! And yes...he told them to hurry because his wife was in labor! *giggles* It wasn't funny at the time, but it is now. We make the journey to the hospital 45 minutes away. My Mom met us there and already had a wheelchair waiting. I was already pre-registered so everything was a go! I was scheduled for the epidural this time. I tried natural when I had Kayleigh but couldn't manage the pain so they made sure I got it this time. After I got the epidural, the pain started to dull, but the numbness started to move up my tummy. It moved all the way to my neck and I felt my entire chest tingling. I started to cough. It was one of those nagging coughs like when an asthma attack is coming on. Within a few minutes, I blacked out. I was out for about 10-15 minutes (from what I was told). I woke up with an oxygen mask on, still very pregnant, and everything around me fuzzy. My doctor was at my side holding my hand and my husband was on the other side holding the other hand. I was dialated a 10 and still not comprehending what just happened. My doc reassured me that I was okay and it was time to push. As I began to push, I felt the pain. Yes....PAIN! Holy cow! I am NOT spose to be feeling this pain because I have the epidural. Thats when I was told the epidural was shut off. I had an allergic reaction to it which caused my blood pressure to drop to 60/44 ....yep, they had to save me before they could save the baby! As I pushed, the monitor that was watching Kacey would start to beep like some insane machine. Her heart rate would drop with every push. She was in the birth canal and there was no turning back now...no time to do a c-section...and I remember the doc shouting at the nurse "Silence that monitor! We have to get this baby out NOW!" Forceps....as my doc pulled...he realized Kacey was stuck...her airway was being cut off and if he didn't do something fast, we'd lose her! ***graphic so if queezy stop reading*** He reached inside and pulled the embilical cord out before her, clamped and cut it and then reached back in to slip the cord from around her neck....then immediately forcep delivering her. My Mom was standing over in the corner taking pictures of delivery and she had no idea what she was capturing. The first picture of Kacey, limp in my doctors hands, blue, not breathing...yes basically a dead baby. He tossed her to the neonatal team that was on standby waiting. Tubes were shoved everywhere and her airways were cleared and opened. As my doc finished things up with me, I was crying and asking if she was okay? There was no crying, I didnt see her moving. For the 2nd time, I thought I'd lost my baby! And then I heard it, something that sounded like a mouse squeak. She was breathing....she was trying to cry...and I saw the look of relief on everyones faces. The nurse brought her over for me to see, I held her briefly and then she was taken down to the neonatal unit. Everyone followed and I was left in the room with my doctor and a nurse. My doc then left and came back with Frankie. He asked if we minded if he had prayer? What? My doc wants to pray? Huh? I was confused and I replied with "Yes, but why?" and thats when he explained just how close Frankie was to losing not only me, but our daughter as well! Overwhelmed, I cried during the prayer as my doctor thanked God for giving us this angel. The head nurse walked back in the room with 2 poloroid pictures in her hand. One for me and one for the new big sister, Kayleigh. She told me that they were not sure just how bad things were but they would keep me posted. How bad? Were things still bad? She looked perfect on the outside! I wasn't allowed to get up because of the epidural reaction. It wasn't until nearly 10 hours later, that I actually got to cuddle my new daughter for the first time! I remember unwrapping her and counting her fingers and toes...10 of each! The pediatrician came in after making her rounds that morning. She asked Frankie to sit down as she spoke to us. "You realize that the cord was around Kacey's neck 3 times?" THREE TIMES?!?! No I wasnt aware of that! "She went on to explain that my doctor had said that we had some complications while I was pregnant with her not moving and now they think she has it wrapped for quite some time inutero" WHATTTTTTTTTT???? I wanted to scream! I explained that I'd told them I knew something was wrong, but I just didn't know what :( So she went on to tell us that they were not sure how much brain damage was done, but she was breathing on her own, her heart sounded good, she was moving around and she knew how to suck already. It wouldnt be until she was 2 that they would be able to tell us just how much damage because that was when she'd be hitting those developmental milestones. Being told your child may not be "normal" was one of the hardest things I'd ever heard (until the diabetes diagnosis). We stayed in the hospital for 3 days. During those few days, Frankie and I discussed what we'd been told and we decided how we would handle things. Because I'd been at my job for almost 8 years, I had quite a bit of vacation saved up. I was going to use that vacation and be paid for being on maternity leave. During that time, I would get all the bills we had paid off so we only had basic bills. Those basic bills were something Frankie could pay on his own and I would make the heartbreaking decision to be a stay at home Mom. It took me 3 weeks to work up the nerve to quit. I loved my job (wasn't crazy over the people I worked with) but I loved being in the classroom. I'd shut my class door and I entered my own little world with a room of 20-22 preschoolers. How would I tell my boss? How would I tell my class? How would I deal with the parents? What about all the materials in the classroom with my name on them? I was so scared but at the same time, I knew my baby needed me. I knew Kayleigh needed me. Three weeks into my maternity leave, my boss called me at home to see how Kacey was doing. I got choked up trying to tell her what I was thinking about doing. I wasn't sure what our future held with Kacey. I knew the place I worked for couldn't deal with having a "handicapped" child in the infant room. My place was at home with Kacey. After telling her I wouldn't be returning to teach, I'd be returning to gather my things...it took me about 20 minutes to compose myself. I called Frankie to tell him I'd quit. I felt like a burden had been lifted but I was still scared of the months to come. As the months passed, Kacey started to exceed the milestones. She was even passing them early! At her 2 year check up, her pediatrician told us she was "perfect!" Our angel was perfect! There was no brain damage at all and she was healthy! My decision to be a stay at home mom didn't come easy but I knew it was what I had to do. I had to be there for my kids...both of them. As the years have gone by, I don't regret that decision one bit. I've been able to attend field trips, special lunches, help in the school and be there for both girls in every way I could.
This pic of Kacey was taken the day we left the hospital. She had the prettiest color!
When Kacey was diagnosed with diabetes, I went though all those emotions all over again. Only this time, I didn't have the burden of a job hanging over my head. I was able to care for Kacey in every way without the stress of that. Not many parents are fortunate enough to be home with their kids when they are little and I was blessed to be home for 9 years! When Kacey started back to school in Sept, I felt like I needed to be close by so I ended up volunteering just about every day. This really sparked my "teaching fire" again and made me want to be back in the classroom. I felt more alive than I had in years! I mentioned this to one of the other teachers and she suggested me being a substitute. I tossed the idea around and then made the decision to go to the substitute training class. After taking the class, I knew thats what I wanted!
Well, today I got my photo ID badge and had my fingerprints done for the background check. It's official! I'm so excited :) Next Wed and Thurs are my first days in the classroom. I shadow a teacher both days. I already know the teacher ;) so I'm going to pop in on her tomorrow and let her know! This job is ideal for me...I will still have the flexibility to work whatever days I want and yet still have that time with the girls when they need me.
Life is really good right now! :)
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
The first thing she had to do was find a book that related to herr topic. For instance, she could choose Charlotte's Web and then do a project on spiders and their habitats (eek!) or she could choose Stuart Little and do a project on mouse habitats (double eek!)
PLEASE Kacey, no animal projects!
So she finally chose Jack And The Beanstalk.
Her question: How fast will a lima bean grow in:
Wet Paper Towels
Her hypothesis: I think the lima bean will grow fastest in a wet paper towel.
Now we have to get this approved by her teacher tomorrow and we can get the materials to plant the beans! YAY!
More to come....
My question to you all is : Is there a weekly diabetes chat?
I'd love to have the chance to log in and actually be in a room and chat with you all that I blog with. I know you can do that on msn (which I do have) but is there a place that already has one and if not, how many of you would be interested in setting up a msn diabetes chat?
Let me know if you're interested and maybe we can set something up!
Sunday, January 4, 2009
This past week Kacey has had some awesome numbers! It's one of those weeks that I've felt in total control of her diabetes and a high number here and there hasn't upset me at all. The low's that shes had haven't been really low. She's hit the 60's or 70's and she gets that "weird feeling" and asks to test. All of them have been from "my eyes are bigger than my stomach" issue. She says she is hungry and then she will eat about 3/4 of it and say shes full. Thankfully we've checked and caught the lows before they got too low! So I thought I'd share these numbers :)
Mon- 211, 131, 139, 121, 102, 203, 174 (bedtime)
Tue- 136, 123, 208, 132, 110, 105 (bedtime)
Wed- 147, 123, 211, 195, 90, 238, 274 (bedtime) New Years- high carb fun snacks
Thu- 151, 136, 238, 215, 165, 110 (bedtime)
Fri- 121, 109, 199, 79, 152, 137 (bedtime)
Sat- 128, 134, 119, 61, 93, 70, 137, 119 (bedtime)
Sun- 102, 104, 144, 70, 169 (dinner...not tested for bed yet)
She woke up at 102 this morning and thats the lowest shes woke up at in a long time! I like the looks of these numbers and I hope they don't make any changes this week when I fax blood sugars in tomorrow. Let's just hope these numbers stay this way for a while!
Shhhhhh! I can dream, right? ;)
Saturday, January 3, 2009
When do we start pump classes?
Which pump do you reccommend, Cozmo or MiniMed?
I know the answers to both will come. When we go to the pump classes they will let us touch and play with each pump. Kacey will actually get to hold it in her hands and see what it looks like. Thats something she hasnt done yet! I've read everything I can get my hands on about each pump and I still bounce back and forth as to which one I really like for Kacey. Both of them have great features but I keep leaning toward the Cozmo because I like the custom settings, waterproof, her meter will always be with her and several other things.
So I'm asking.... those of you on pumps or have children on pumps....
Which would you choose and why? Do you regret choosing the pump you did?
I know each person is different (I feel like I've said that alot lately!) but I want everyones feedback because there may be one thing that really sways me. Feedback from people actually having to wear and use the pump is much better than a doctor or pump rep trying to tell you which one is best for your child. Thanks again!!!
Friday, January 2, 2009
I remember when I was sitting in the ICU at the Children's Hospital and everyone was asleep despite the screaming baby next door. I sat there with my face in my hands and I sobbed. I sobbed because I was scared my child was going to die. I sobbed because I didn't know anyone else with Type 1. I sobbed because I was deathly afraid of needles from a bad experience I had as a child. All these mixed emotions swirled inside me. Slowly the curtain was pulled back to Kacey's room, and it was Kacey's ICU nurse. She was one of the nicest nurses I'd ever met and she walked over to me and put her hand on my shoulder and in a stern voice she said "Mrs. West, you HAVE to pull yourself together for Kacey's sake. I know this is a difficult time for you and we are here to answer any questions or concerns you have. I also want to explain something to you. She slowly pulled up a chair and sat down. She held both of my hands in her and as I looked at her through my tears she said, "You are going to go through something similar to the grieving process. You're going to cry, you're going to be in denial, you're going to get angry and frustrated and then acceptance will come. Once acceptance comes then you know you're finally in control of things." I wiped my eyes with the tissue she handed me and thanked her. As she hugged me she reminded me that she was there for any questions...no matter how silly they may be. I remember reading the clock... 4:42am ...I'd been awake almost 24 hours!
Well, Guess what? I went through that exact process, and so did Kacey!
When I was reading online I ran across this article from Behavioral Diabetes Institute. It's called "The Emotional Side of Diabetes- 10 Things You Need To Know"
Here is a bit from it...
Living well with diabetes takes emotional strength. Why? Because this is a tough disease. Diabetes is more than just a simple matter of eating right and taking your medications. Staying strong emotionally is the key to keeping stress and your blood glucose levels where they belong. Unfortunately, people with diabetes as well as doctors often neglect these “real life” aspects of the disease.
1. Harnessing Your Fears
With good care, you can live a long, healthy life with diabetes. Many people think they are doomed to suffer terrible complications, but this is simply not true! Diabetes is a serious disease and some people do develop severe long-term complications, but most of these problems are preventable if you have good medical care and take good care of yourself. Feeling a little frightened is not necessarily a bad thing, but when your fears get so big that you feel helpless and hopeless, it’s time to take action. You need to harness fear to help you manage diabetes.
2. Overcoming Depression
Depression is a serious problem, and it can be even more serious when you have diabetes. People with diabetes are almost twice as likely to develop depression as other people. If you are depressed, diabetes can become a lot harder to handle and your blood sugars are likely to rise. When your diabetes is out of control, this can make it even harder to escape depression. It becomes a vicious circle. The good news is that there are effective treatments that can help you recover your emotional health. These treatments can also help you improve your blood sugars and feel more in control of diabetes.
3. Defeating Denial
Denial can be a valuable tool. It can be a good way to cope with negative feelings about diabetes, especially when you are first diagnosed or when the disease is feeling out of control. But denial becomes a problem when it is your only way of coping. Instead of a temporary tool, it becomes a permanent way of life. The response to all diabetes aggravations becomes “I will not think about diabetes anymore.” This means trouble. When you turn your back on diabetes, your long-term health will be endangered.
4. Giving Up The Guilt
You are not a bad person because you developed diabetes. It is not your fault. You are not “bad” because you didn’t exercise today or because you ate more than you intended last night. Nobody can manage diabetes perfectly. Guilt is common when you are living with diabetes, and it is hardly ever useful. Because of guilt, people often establish tough, sometimes impossible rules about how to manage diabetes (“I must NEVER eat even a bite of junk food ever again”). Since you can never be perfect, rules like these can make you feel like you are failing and can promote depression. Enough already!
5. Appreciating The Power of Pals
Diabetes is easier to manage when you have people in your life who are rooting for you. When you feel alone with diabetes, it is harder to handle. Imagine the meaningful ways that loved ones could support you or help you feel less alone: for example, when family members join you in having healthier meals each night, when a good friend shares your anger or disappointment with a high blood sugar reading, when your spouse offers to help you with your next insulin injection, or when your neighbor agrees to join you for a brisk walk each morning. Just having someone in your life who cares can go a long way. (Thanks Diabetes OC!)
6. Arrest The Diabetes Police
Friends and family may sometimes think it is their right to help you manage your diabetes, whether you like it or not. Sometimes too much “support”, especially if you didn’t ask for it, can feel like nagging. When friends and family are bugging you about what to eat or what to do, you may tend to do the opposite of what has been suggested. “Don’t think I should eat that piece of cake? OK, then I’ll have two pieces!” Though they mean well, they have become the Diabetes Police, and you’ve become a Diabetes Criminal.
7. From Discouraged to Encouraged
Don’t let diabetes get you down. Diabetes can be a lot of work and sometimes even your best efforts don’t seem to pay off—like when you follow your doctor’s recommendations exactly, but still your blood sugars are elevated! That is understandably frustrating. But it is not your fault. There are ways to make diabetes care encouraging rather than discouraging.
8. Keeping Diabetes In Its Place
Diabetes is an important part of your life, but it doesn’t have to run your life. For many people, diabetes seems like a prison cell— no more enjoyable foods, no spontaneity, no fun, and constant attention to the clock. Some get so angry they decide to ignore diabetes altogether. If you find yourself thinking this way, it is time for an attitude change. Diabetes care in the 21st century means almost everyone can live their lives fully and take care of their diabetes successfully. Sure, some compromises will be necessary, but diabetes shouldn’t be allowed to box you in.
9. Taking Control of Your Environment
Your environment, whether you notice it or not, influences your ability to manage diabetes. Having willpower isn’t enough. You need to harness the power of your environment to support, rather than hinder, your diabetes care. Think about it: how well you eat is affected by the number of tempting foods in your house and the size of the portions on your plate. How faithfully you take your medications is influenced by how many you have and whether you keep them in a convenient, easy-to remember spot each day.
10. Taking A Diabetes Vacation
You need a vacation. Diabetes can be a lot of work, and it demands your attention every day. It is worth the effort, but it is a tough job. All that effort can wear you down, especially if you never get a break. And you can never take a break from diabetes… or can you? In reality, everyone takes “vacations” from their diabetes. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. A break from diabetes can be a big relief. But make sure your diabetes vacations are safe. And, like any good vacation, this takes some planning.
There is much more to each number in the article but those are the brief summeries on each page. I was able to relate to every single one of them! I feel like a much stronger parent and I feel I can stand strong in my diabetes debate when needed. I do respect the way different people react to different situations and I would never push them to react the way I did to Kacey's diagnosis. That being said, I'm sure many parents DO react the way I did (and some much worse). I didn't sink too deep into the depression and I was quick to pull myself up with the help of many amazing Diabetes OC'ers. They have been here to respond to my posts and answer my questions. I may not have met them in real life, but I have a lifetime bond with many of them and they know who they are because they're the ones that are here regularly reading and helping me along the way.