Monday, November 8, 2010

Hiding or Not?

It's been pretty dang amazing to watch Kacey blossom this year. She has become such a neat little person. She's developed an interest in fashion lately which includes trips to J.C Penny and Justice. She has always liked the 80's style but it hasn't been until this year that she's been able to really have the nerve to show it off. I've called her an "old soul" since she was little. Her love of old cars...old music...old trinkets...just stuff that some people would brush off as being junk. This year has been a year of change for her. She started out wearing the skinny jeans, Justice shirts and Converse. Now, shes moved on to the "Madonna Style" as I call it. The glittery stuff with the frills...legwarmers...knee boots...headbands with big bows. Yep, you know all that stuff! She had her first battle with being laughed at as well. Yes, they were "friends" but she was laughed at and she questioned her clothing style. I had noticed she was back to jeans and tshirts and I couldn't help but ask WHY? She then bursted into tears telling me about how she was laughed at and I shared a quote with her I had just read the day before..."In order to make a difference then you have to be different." She smiled and it was like a little lightbulb went off. We talked about the reasons she was laughed at....the other girls didn't have the confidence to wear what she was wearing...and how if she started a "trend" then others WOULD follow and then she could smile and say she was the first to wear it. And thats exactly what happened! A few days later, some of the other girls were wearing some of the glittery froo-froo stuff and big bows in their hair. (Can you see her pump in the pic above? Barely! And BTW, all the dark black on the outfit was glittery sequins that are hard to see in the pic.)

Sooooo...all this being said....the reason for my post....pump hiding. I've really started taking notice about what Kacey wears but I've also been watching how she conceals her pump more. Now, don't get me wrong, she LOVES Goober and she LOVES all her pump packs but it's really cute to watch her "conceal" her pump so it's not the first thing you see when you look at her. She used to wear her shirts up so her pump pack sticks out...and she still does that some days...but I've also seen her hide her pump too. I think this is such an important transition in her life. She's going from being a little girl that showed off her pump to being a young woman who conceals her pump and only shares her diabetes with her close friends. It's actually a really neat thing to witness. Just another sign she's growing up. I know she's not ashamed of her pump because I've asked her about it and she said she just wants to be "fashionable"...and I know "normal" falls a close 2nd.

Now I have to share something I'm really proud of. We've finally found a church home. A true home! I'm so in love with this church and everything about it....and so are my girls. Kacey was actually really bummed cuz we missed church the last 2 weekends because we had my brother visiting. She wanted to visit with him but she's become quite fond of this church and it's surroundings. It's not your traditional sit down, stand up, sing hymns kinda church. They have a live band that plays all the current Christian songs that she hears regularly on our local Christian station K-Love 90.7fm. So, that being said, the first week we started church...we arrived with my best friend and her family. They have children's church in the back while service goes on for the adults. Kacey wanted to stay with her friend in the back and my heart went into a bit of Mommy panic. Yep, DIABETES! Do I go into the spill about her diabetes and tell the Youth Pastor? Do I single her out on the first day? She was wearing a cute outfit that concealed her pump. Do I make her feel "weird" with new friends. Nope! I signed her in...sucked in my Mommy gut...and kissed her goodbye as she took off to Youth Church with her friend. As I walked into the adult church I couldn't help but feel guilt. Why? Why did I feel like someone was sitting on my chest? Should I have told them? Should I turn around and go back and tell them without her there? NO! I didn't! I walked into church knowing she had just eaten was one hour long...and if Kacey needed me then she knew where I was. Was that the right thing to do? Probably not! But is it fair to single her out from the beginning? I wasn't sure if this was going to be our church home. I wasn't sure if it was going to be a place we liked. This past week, Kacey wasn't having a good diabetes morning. Her sugar had shot up causing some stomach cramps. She insisted that she wanted to go to church so we went BUT this time she stayed with us. Youth church goes up to 5th grade so she was able to come into service with us. In fact, she ended up liking being in the service with us intead of the back with the youth. I think it has something to do with the live band, her true love of music and the pastor preaches into terms everyone understands. She actually got something out of the service. So...what good would it have done to single her out and tell everyone about her diabetes when she wants to be in service with us anyway. So yeah, I guess in the long run I made the right decision. But I still ask myself...when does it cross the line? I know Kacey is only 10 years old but when does it become her right to tell who she wants and keep it private to those she doesn't? I guess each case is different but I don't want her feeling like everytime we go someplace new that I have to introduce her as "Kacey with diabetes" and not just "Kacey".

Lots of emotions swirling around lately!

It's such a tough year this year. This is Kacey's last year of Elementary School and its become my reality that next year I'm going to have a daughter going into middle school and a daughter graduating. Thats a heavy reality to accept! We're having lots of "lasts" and several "firsts" ...with and without tears. I know there will be more tears as June approches but I'm trying not to think about that right now. For now, I'm savoring every precious moment of elementary school!

We started looking at Culinary schools with Kayleigh. I think she's finally settled on one school She had narrowed it down to two schools and we're still going to schedule visits to both of them and then let her make the final decision but one school is looking better than the other. She wants to stay in-state so there really aren't many choices for her but she doesn't want to move far away....yet! When she graduates she will only be 17 and she won't be 18 until the end of Sept of that year. So she's decided to go for a 2yr Associates in Culinary and see where that leads her. She can continue on and get her Bachelor's in Business and Hospitality and then grow from there but a good 2 years then she will really know if thats what she wanst to persue. By then she will be almost 20 and she might want to move away and go to her dream school...Johnson & Wales :) and if she doesn't then there are still so many options for her locally. I'm excited for her to venture on this path but I'm nervous and scared as hell because she's growing up!

Like I said before...lots of reality going on lately!


Joanne said...

Even at 3, Elise wants to hide her spibelt that holds the dexcom receiver. It makes me sad that even at such a young age she is so aware.

And good for Kacey for wearing what she wants, even after her friends laughed at her. I love seeing kids that have the guts to be individuals!

Meri said...

Your girls are amazing! So proud they can follow their dreams and be proud of who they are!

Amalas said...

Johnson & Wales is such a great school! I hope she does well with her associates and will follow her dream.

It really is great to see Kacey growing up and finding her own style. Keep up the great work!