Friday, September 12, 2008

We've hit a brick wall!

I think Kacey finally hit a brick wall this morning (cries silently) As a Mom, I try and be so strong and not let her see how much all of this upsets me.

I woke her up at 6:15am. I knew by the sounds of her grumbles that it wasnt going to be an easy morning! I finally got her up and told her to test because she said her throat hurt and her tummy hurt. She screams out "I dont wanna test! I dont wanna do this anymore! My tummy hurts!" and then busts into uncontrollable tears. ~sigh~ Inside I was crying with her and screaming "I dont want you to have to do this either!" So I stood firm and said "Well if you wont test then I'll do it for you but you HAVE to do this! You have no choice!" ...and the entire time Im sitting there thinking to myself and remembering back to that morning after she was admitted into the hospital...yeah that morning that I was functioning on just 1 hour sleep...and I remember the CDE telling us the "process" that we'd go through. Sorta like the grieving process...the shock....the tears...the anger....the depression....the rebellion... yep all those emotions associated with grieving because basically that is what we're going through. So it clicked this morning...could we be hitting the rebellion? We made it through the test...yes she did it herself. 156...ok well thats only 6pts from her target so thats good, right? OK ..."Kacey...what do you want for breakfast?" She snapped back with "My tummy hurts and I dont wanna eat!" Ohhhh great! Thats just what I wanted to hear! Now I struggle with getting her to eat something since its been nearly 12 hours since she ate last! Cereal? NO! Eggs & toast? NO! Pizza?.... you know you love pizza! NOOOOOO! I DONT WANT TO EAT! Alright about some Diet Sprite? She looks at me with this serious little look and put her hands on her hips and says "Mommy I dont want to hurt your feelings but have you tasted that Diet Sprite? Its NASTY!" LOL it was at this point I started to giggle....yep uncontrollable giggling....she was so damn serious but yet it was so cute that she was butting heads with me! So...she finally settles on eating some Ramen noodles. Whew! She ate... shot time.... then more tears because she doesnt want shots anymore! Not even 20 min after she ate...shes got stomach cramps and a head ache. Geesh! Im fighting a losing battle here! I knew the "I dont feel like going to school" was coming...anddddddd I was right LOL! So what I did was take her to school to pick up her work...let them know what was going on...and brought her back home. While we were on our way there she starts crying all over again and telling me she doesnt want the nurse to do her shots anymore...she wants me to be the only one to do her shots. Alright....its all I can do to drive without busting into tears. I know shes hurting so bad....shes struggling with how to deal with all of these emotions...and all I wanted to do was pull that car over and get out and hold her *cries* So now we're back home...first thing she does is strip and put her jammies back on. (LOL shes like her Momma) As she's getting back in bed I grabbed the camera and of course took advantage of the "grumpy" look. She wasnt thrilled but I told her she'd thank me for those pics later in life...LOL!

We go back to the Endo on Monday and I have my list of questions ready. I watched the DVD last night that Medtronics sent with the pump information and it was VERY informative. Im still a bit upset that they havent called me back since I faxed her blood sugars in on Wed. I guess they are waiting to discuss things with me when they see us on Monday.

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