Santa, Are You For Real?

Christmas was a bit different this year. We lost a little bit of the "magic" and a huge chunk of reality set in for me.

On 12-5-2004, Kayleigh (who was only 10 years old at the time) came to me with a question. "Mommy, is Santa for real?" It was something that deep down I knew I would have to tell her but I wanted to hold onto every bit of innocent that she was. I knew I had to tell her the truth so I went to the book shelf and pulled down a book that I'd been harboring on the top shelf, completely out of sight of any little eyes. It was called "Santa, Are You For Real?" by Harold Myra. As I sat down on the couch with her, I told her I had a book to share with her. She was old enough to read it to me so we sat there together and with my arm around her and her snuggled up to me, she read out loud.

The story is about a little boy who questions if Santa is real. His friends told him Santa wasn't real and through colorful pictures it tells the TRUE story of Saint Nicholas. She learned he WAS real, he DID give gifts and WHY he gave the gifts. It also explains keeping Christ the center of Christmas and how we can keep the magic alive in our hearts.

After we read it, she cried but she was relieved to know the truth. From Christmas 2004 til Christmas 2012, Kayleigh has played "Santa" for Kacey. She goes shopping with me each year and we carefully choose things off the long Christmas list. The one thing I've made completely sure of for the last 8 years is that we still keep that same magic alive for her. She still gets surprises from "Santa" and it's still a magical time since Kacey was still insisting there was a Santa.

Yes my friends.....at 12 years old, she STILL believed in her heart that there was a Santa. Now, don't think for a moment that I haven't wanted to tell her the truth and share the same book with her. In fact, I wanted to do that in 2010 when she was 10 years old, the same age Kayleigh was when we told her....BUT....as she looked at us with true innocent eyes, I couldn't bear to break her heart....especially when I saw her light up when she saw "Santa" knew her name when we met face to face with him walking in Walmart. How could I take that magic away? ***sigh*** She is now a 7th grader, will be turning 13 in March and it was time! On 11-21-2012, I had asked her if she was ready for Christmas? The twinkle in her eyes made my heart smile as she talked about things she was putting on her list. I asked her if her friends had said anything about "Santa" and she proudly proclaimed that they had talked about it and they told her Santa wasn't real but she told them that they'd never met the REAL Santa and she had! ***gulp!*** She smiled and continued on about how she knew Santa was real and didn't care what her friends thought. Ohhhhh geesh! ***Please God give me the strength to make it though this conversation.*** I knew the right thing to do was tell her because as Christmas got closer I didn't want her trying to defend the fact that he was real or not and then be teased by friends. Let's face it....Kids in middle school are CRUEL! The weeks leading up to this, we'd joked about different things she had asked for on her list and every time she asked for something I would say "You better ask Santa!" So when she asked for an iPod Touch, it was no different. I told her to "Tell Santa!" and winked at her. A few minutes later, I got a text to my iPhone saying "I would like an iPod Touch for Christmas." I laughed and figured that was her way of saying "I'm telling Santa now!". So I got up and pulled the book back down off the shelf. I asked her if she felt like reading a story with me. I had this lump in my throat and choked back tears. WHY was I so sad? WHY did I feel like Niagra Falls was about to come out of my eye balls? I sat down on the couch with her and showed her the cover of the book. She smiled and I asked her if she would read it to me. She started to read and the more into the book she got, I started to tear up but held them back and composed myself. When she got to the end, there is a part that says "As the family sat around and talked half the night, Todd thought he saw, in the snow and moonlight...a bright eyed Saint Nicholas with his sack looking in, and a wide across his face, a jolly old grin." She closed the book, turned to me and said "See! I told you he was REAL!" I nodded and then quickly realized that she REALLY believed he was STILL a real person. HOW was I going to break this to her? I flipped back in the book to the page that talked about Saint Nick living hundreds of years ago. I had her read it out loud to me again and then.....the puzzled look....the tears....and then full blown crying! It was done....she knew. She sat there for about 15 minutes crying uncontrollably. I hugged her and she wiped her tears. I kept asking her WHY she was crying to hard? WHY are you so sad? She would try and answer and just start crying so hard that she couldn't talk. I sat there with tears rolling down my face. Did I make the right decision? Of course I did! She can't be a teenager and still believe in Santa! Thats ridiculous! But WHY was I crying too? I knew I'd hurt her. I knew at that point that she still really believed. I thought she might have known when she texted me so thats why I figured it was time too. So there we sat, for ONE FULL HOUR, crying together. As it set in, she finally got to the point that she could talk again. She then said, "I wish you would have told me sooner. Thats why I'm so sad. I really thought he was real!" We talked some more about how he was a real man, how he gave gifts to make people around him happy and how we continue the magic for those around us. In our hearts, we're ALL a Santa. We talked some about Jesus and his birth and the three wise men bringing gifts. Once she came to terms with it, we talked about how all the magic wasn't lost. For the last 8 years, Kayleigh has been "Santa" for her and now it's her turn to be "Santa" for Kayleigh and others around her. She smiled and got a little excited about having some shopping time without her sister. BUT.....WHY was I still sad? I had this overwhelming feeling of reality setting in. My babies were not babies anymore. They both knew the truth about Santa and there would be no more "magic" in our house until grandbabies. Thats a very hard pill to swallow! No more babies....no more Santa...I had to find a way to keep this spirit alive in our house.

This year, we continued Christmas as usual. Kayleigh bought for Kacey....Kacey bought for Kayleigh....We bought some goodies for them both...but on Christmas Day, we decided that next year we'd start a new tradition. They're both old enough to understand the REAL meaning of Christmas and with the cost of things going up, we thought next year we'd do something a little different. We focused on the Bible and the Three Wise Men. They came bearing gifts for Jesus but they didn't come with a large sack full of more toys than you could possibly play with. They came with THREE gifts. So next year, we're going to do "stocking stuffers from Santa" and each person would get THREE gifts. One from each member of their family. So for instance, I would get one gift from Frankie, one gift from Kayleigh and one gift from Kacey. Thought needs to go into these gifts, just as thought went into the gifts the Three Wise Men brought. They didn't just bring Jesus dirt, rocks and sticks. They brought him nice gifts with meaning. And then, each of us would be responsible for doing THREE Acts of Kindness for someone else. Thought has to go into these acts and they must be of equal value that you spend on your family member. Everyone was so excited about this new tradition and we have an entire year to think about what our acts of kindness will be. Also, we're going to do the 12 Days of Kindness leading up to Christmas. Each of the 12 days will be a $5 or less act of kindness and that will serve as our countdown. Although....I'm thinking it might be fun to share some "magic" for 25 days instead of 12! So we might just extend it and that will be my entire blog for December. And then....we took it a step further and decided that we just might do this for Easter as well! We acknowledge the Birth of Jesus so why not acknowledge His Death on the Cross for us?

And there you have it.....our feel good magic of Christmas was back! And what did we learn? YES Santa WAS real! NO we don't need all those presents to make us happy! YES it feels good to make others happy BEFORE ourselves! YES we WILL put Jesus FIRST and we will tell the world of His Birth, His Death and His Love & Forgiveness! So be watching for our 'Acts of Kindness' for Easter.

All my love,

JOY

JOY:

Noun

A feeling of great pleasure and happiness.     Our youth pastor preached a sermon a few weeks ago that really struck something with me. The word JOY and what it stands for. Not the feeling of JOY but the real meaning of JOY.   Experiencing true JOY is putting Jesus first....Others second....and Yourself last. JESUS FIRST That is pretty self explanitory. You should have Jesus first in everything you do. When you have Jesus at the center of your life then things start to fall into place but the moment you waiver from that then your life seems to be a disoriented mess. Maybe thats why this struck something with me. Lately I'd been living my life as OYJ....Others, Yourself, Jesus. I was doing for everyone else, then myself and then what time was left I gave to Jesus. Wrong....all wrong! I had to get back to JOY and things would start to come together again. OTHERS SECOND I'm a people pleaser, always have been and always will be. I like for those around me to be happy and I will do what I can to make the people closest to me smile. I've never had a problem putting Others before myself but I needed to put Jesus ahead of all of that! YOURSELF LAST I was putting myself before Jesus. Wrong again! I put others before myself so why wouldnt I put Jesus before them? After all, He is the reason I am forgiven. He is the reason that I can live my life. He is above all....FIRST! Thats where He needs to stay. My needs will come LAST in everything I do. Once you put Jesus FIRST and Others SECOND....then your needs and wants WILL be fulfilled even though YOU are LAST :) So today....I choose JOY.....How about you?

Happy New Year

New Years bring Resolutions....something I've never been able to stick to. I guess when I say it to myself, my mindset makes it a "chore"...something I'm required to stick to. Then I find myself stressing over the whole thing when I fail. So this year, I am NOT making any resolutions...heehee! I'm going to pray about things and deal with the life God is giving me.

Life....it seems so busy these days and when my head finally hits the pillow at 11pm, I feel like there is a tornado in my brain some days. I find myself not being able to shut things off and relax. So much to do, so many things going on and just not enough hours in the day. I used to have such a clear head....WHY can't I focus anymore? Ummmmm....maybe it's because I stopped putting my feelings here. I stopped getting all the rubbish out of my head and kept it all inside. So yeah, it's time for a change. I've said it over and over and where do I end up? I guess part of it is still the fact that I had so much drama on my page from family and coworkers reading it. I bottled up and felt like I couldn't share here anymore because they were all reading my thoughts. Then once I was threatened with my job as a school employee, it made me clam up even more. I'm no longer a school employee. I chose to close that chapter and choose my life over that job. I'm not sure who from my family still comes here to read but I'm sure they've lost interest by now since it's been 2 years since we've spoken to them.

So for 2013, I'm turning a new leaf :)

It's time to jump back in with both feet. Diabetes was pushed to the back burner and we've not made it the first thing we think about anymore. It's something we live with but it doesn't control our family like it once did. Maybe thats another reason I had a hard time writing. I just didn't have anything to say. The posts seemed to repeat....high sugars, low sugars, A1c's, pictures of pumps and dexcom, sickness, symptoms, JDRF....ahhhhhhh!

My goal for 2013 is to find some new topics dealing with diabetes to blog about along with a mix of old ones and things non-diabetes related. So be prepared! :)

I hope each of you has a VERY Happy New Year full of joy!

Lots of Love,

Alone In A Thousand

It wasn't until last week that I realized something. Kacey is in a middle school of over 1000 kids and she is the ONLY Type 1 diabetic in the school. What are the chances? ONE in ONE THOUSAND! She was a bit disappointed that she didn't have anyone that shared T1D with her this year. Last year there were two boys and although she wasn't close with them, they would run into one another in the clinic and give a little wave and compare numbers. This year there is no one. She's all alone. ALONE. Yeah, she's feeling that lately! As she gets older, she knows that she is different yet there is no one to turn to that really understands what she is going through. I try, I really do try to understand but I really don't know what a nasty high or dreaded low feels like. Her sister tries, and she does know what a low feels like but it's not the same. There are days I feel completely helpless because T1D just isn't common around here. I can count on one hand how many we know. Out of those 5, 2 of them are older boys, one is a little girl, one is a grown woman and the other is young lady. No one Kacey's age near where we live. Our hospital for our Endo is an hour and a half away and we can't participate in those events we'd like to. Helpless. Alone. Heartwrenching! I wouldn't wish T1D on anyone but I find it shocking that out of our entire county....all 6th & 7th grade in our entire county goes to the same middle school....and Kacey is the ONLY ONE! She did make one friend this year that has a sister who is T1D and she knows a little about diabetes but she's been very interested in Kacey's pump and Dexcom. Her sister is on a pod so she had not seen a Ping before. But it's still not the same. I feel bad for her some days because I know that she just wants to have a friends that KNOWS what it's like. Kinda like the whole reason I started blogging....to find other Moms that KNOWS what it's like! Do your kids have other T1D's in their school? Do they spend time together? If they don't how do you help them find others?

Daisy Dex Is Back!

I’m not sure if it’s the cold medicine or if it’s everything running through my brain but I can’t sleep tonight. I’ve tossed and turned, played all the games waiting for me on my iPhone and I’ve paced the floor quite a few times. I’m restless! Why? Why can’t I just relax and rest this body that is fighting off this nasty fall cold? Excitement? Ummm…yeah just a little! Tonight I finally convinced Kacey to go back on Dexcom. She took a break almost a year ago. For a 12 year old little girl, there were so many factors that went into giving her the break. First, it’s her body, right? I’ve always felt like Dexcom was a choice. She can’t choose to not have diabetes. She would never choose to go off her pump. But somehow Dexcom is a choice. She doesn’t HAVE to wear it but it’s REALLY nice if she does. We jumped into the Dexcom system with both feet and I think she may have had a bad burnout. That’s ok! She was going through several changes. One of them included “hiding diabetes” with all her cute little outfits. It’s hard to hide a pump and when you add in the size of Dexcom then its even harder. Kacey had started to thin out so she wanted some tighter shirts. She wanted the pump pack that kept her pump close to her body, not the cute little pouches that showed it off. She was growing up! L Friends were really taking notice of her outfits but they were also taking notice of sensors too! Middle school kids are cruel and mean in todays world. Kacey wears her Dexcom sensors on the backs of her arms and let’s face it….after a week of a sensor stuck on you, it starts looking pretty crappy! Stuff sticks to it, it looks fuzzy and gunky from trying to add more sticky to it and then if you add IV prep over it, it looks downright nasty! So when she was constantly asked, “What is THAT?”…”How come you haven’t washed that off?”…”Why do you have to wear that every day?” ….she wanted a break. She was in middle school, she didn’t want everyone to know about her diabetes because she didn’t want to be known as “THAT girl” and she wanted to choose who she told about such a personal issue. She told her close friends and she made some lasting friendships but she didn’t want everyone knowing about her diabetes. It was a hard pill for me to swallow. It was HER issue but WE were going to tackle it together. The first step we made was taking a step back from Dexcom. I hated the decision but I knew it was something we needed to do. She needed a little more “freedom” before she ended up really burning out and rebelling. This meant more sleepless nights, flying blind and I thought it would only last a month or two….NOT ALMOST A YEAR! Scared…yeah that doesn’t even begin to describe it! She’d drop to the 120-130 mark and I’d start to get paranoid. Was that up? Was that down? Is she gonna fall fast? I’d give her a snack and not cover it and send her soaring into the 300’s and then I felt like shit because I knew I should have waited. It was nasty! Her A1c shot up again…ashamed….yes….a 9.4…sickening! I tried to sit her down and explain that we really needed to try Dexcom again to get things under control but she didn’t want to even listen to me. She would snub her nose and remind me of it being HER choice. We’d have a power struggle and she would win. After all…it is HER body. All I could do was suggest that it was BEST but she didn’t want any parts of it. We made it through summer…pool…lots of playing…and then the start of school. Believe me, I was scared about her starting without it. I knew we’d managed to fly without it last year but would we manage another year? I brought up the issue of wearing it again a couple of weeks ago. She’d had some crazy lows out of nowhere and was waking up low. It’s a crappy start to the day when you start out low and can’t seem to jumpstart your body. What’s going on? Is it the cold? Is she due for her period? Is it the correction from 2am? So many factors were playing in and there wasn’t a consistent pattern. I HATE THIS! I hate when I can’t figure it out. So I asked this….”Kacey, have you given any thought to possibly wearing Dexcom for a few weeks so we can figure out what is going on?” Thankfully I was sitting down when she responded with…”You know Mom, I was just thinking about it yesterday because I’m starting to not feel lows again and highs feel like lows” ***INSERT SILENT SCREAM OF JOY*** I had to make her think it was all about her….her decision…her choice to wear it…she’s calling the shots. So I told her I thought she might want to think about it some more and when she was ready, we could put a sensor on and take a look at what her body was doing because a lot has changed since she wore it last…she’s taller, she’s thinner, she’s more active, she’s got her period regularly, she’s going to be doing Marching Band, she’s got new teachers, she’s got new friends….and she’s grown up! ;) She took the bait! She agreed that she was older and she understood how important it was and she was willing to try again. THANK YOU JESUS!!!!

So tonight was the night! After dinner, I got all the supplies layed out and told her I was ready whenever she was. She stalled for about 10 minutes and then came in to get me. It’s been so long since she felt that sensor go in. She’d forgotten what it felt like! We did the prep and insert with no issues and then she turned to me with a smile that slowly faded to a straight face. “Mom, I hope I don’t get asked a bunch of questions.” I smiled back at her and gave her a wink and said, “Well if you do, just tell them you’re a spy!” We both giggled and she hugged me and thanked me for putting it on. We both excitedly awaited the 3 hour calibration and when she got a vibration and beep to enter 2 BG’s, she squealed with excitement. She entered them in and there it was….that beautiful arrow with a 122! Ohhhhhh how I’ve missed that little arrow!

So for an hour, we watched it stay steady, turn to rise straight up and then turn to double down. I’m looking forward to a week of good data to help tweak these basals and see whats going on within that sweet little body of hers. For now she is a 156 with a steady arrow but I now have to resist the urge to run in there and press that little button and see what she is without pricking her finger. I MUST get some rest! Thank you Lord for helping her understand that this piece of equipment that she has a love/hate relationship with is a true security blanket for her mother. Thank you for giving me the wisdom to help her understand the importance of it and for helping me show her that she is more grown up than she was a year ago. Lord please help the kids at school to understand that just because she beeps, wears funky things on her arms and pricks her fingers, she really is just a normal child wanting to fit in. Please help them to hold their tongues that would normally make comments that they don’t realize are hurtful. Please help the teachers to understand when the beeping gets frustrating for them, it’s ten times worse for Kacey. And Lord, please give me the patience to analyze this data to make changes to her insulin needs in order to keep those sweet little organs of hers safe. In your most precious name….Amen!

Goodnight Everyone!

5 months

NO! I'm not pregnant! 5 months....thats over HALF of a pregnancy though!

Gosh! It seems like it's been longer than 5 months since I've been here but its been even longer since I regularly blogged. Why? Why can't I find words to write anymore? Why don't I take the time to tell everyone about my day? Why am I so exhausted by the end of the day? Then when I find time I feel like I have diarrhea of the mouth and it turns out to be this long drawn out post that no one wants to read anyway!

Kacey started 7th grade! I was a nervous wreck when I met with all of her teachers, which btw were VERY interested and asked lots of questions. I was worried for Kacey because it was a new group BUT I know she is a responsible and well rounded little girl that is growing up right before my eyes. She WILL be fine...so I need to KEEP CALM and BREATHE!

My last post was on our anniversary. That was MAY! Geesh where did the months go?

Well we made it through Kayleigh's final year of school and graduation without too many hiccups. I'm so happy we are done with that school! She got a 97 A as her final grade on her cookbook project. We threw her an amazing graduation party with 80+ people at OUR HOUSE! It was awesome and everyone had a great time. She was swamped with cakes to do the two weeks following and so it took a little time to settle in that she was really out of school! She has started dating a pretty amazing guy :) His name is Chris and I think he's gonna be around for quite a while. She really wasn't interested in dating and actually turned him down...(glad she decided to give him a chance because we adore him!) She took a two week trip to upstate New York and had a fantastic time. She's stayed pretty busy with her cakes over the summer. After 2 interviews that didn't go so well, she's pushing forward with her own business. She is now a .COM! Check her out... www.cakebykayleigh.com.  It's hard because she knows what work she is capable of but the two places she interviewed with want her to sign a no compete clause. She's had her own business for 4 years, built her own clientel and now she would have to sign it all over to work for $7 an hour. THATS TOUGH! I know God will lead her in the right direction and the right thing will come open for her. She's waiting til next year to go away to Pastry School.

I met with Kacey's teachers the week before school. I must say...this is the first year that I've had so many teachers ASK the questions before I actually got to the information. Do you realize how excited that makes this nervous D-Momma? VERY! They were all very thankful for the packet with her 504 Plan, Health Care Plan and cheat sheets. They all "knew" about diabetes but they had so many questions about Kacey in general. All of them seem so very nice and I'm excited that Kacey left there so excited. One of her teachers is a girl I went to high school with...so that was kinda funny! Overall, I think we're in for the most awesome year we've ever had. I loved her elementary school but I REALLY love the middle school she is in now. I will treasure each moment this year because she will move to another school next year for a year and then she will be off to the same crappy high school that Frankie and I went to and Kayleigh just graduated from.

As for me....well for the last 2 months I've been so busy. My Mom had a total hip replacement at the end of July so my days of August were been spent taking care of her. She thinks she was a burden but it's my job to care for her, right? She was so used to caring for herself and always doing for others so when she was totally relying on me to do everything for her, she got herself all upset over it. She's made a remarkable recovery and it's great to see how far we've advanced with technology but she's still got a way to go. She's back to doing things for herself and driving herself but she's still having a hard time with a few things...sleep mainly! She can't seem to get comfortable sleeping or sitting so thats been a bit of a burden for her. She went back to work for half days but she still gets exhausted pretty easy. I keep having to remind her that even though they had her up walking only 4 hours after surgery...she had MAJOR surgery and it's only been 2 months!

Vacation....yep! I took the girls to Washington DC for a girls weekend away. It was a fun trip despite the rainy weather. They had a great time seeing everything and want to go back for more touring later. I also had a chance to take Kacey to Lucky Lake for some gem and mineral mining. That beats DC anyday! Haha! It was beautiful and since we're all "rock junkies", it was a perfect trip for us. Kacey actually found some aquamarine (her birthstone) and we used our "free cut of any rock" for that and they made it into a gem to place in a ring or necklace. That was very exciting!

I want to try and get myself back on a blogging kick so I am going to try and make time in the evening to write and have it post automatically :) I just got so turned off when I had all that blog drama before and it's been hard to sit down and write like I used to. I know I need to because my whole head feels like its going to explode some days. I feel like I've pulled away from the DOC when I should be pulling closer. I feel out of the loop and sometimes it's hard to jump right back in where I left off. Depression, Illness, Busy Life...it all plays a factor! I'll bounce back....just gotta MAKE time!

Happy Wedding Birthday

Yesterday evening, Frankie got a text to his phone from Kacey. It read, "Daddy don't forget tomorrow is yours and Mommys birthday." BIRTHDAY? We both started giggling because it's one of those Kaceyisms that end up sticking. Like a dear friend on Facebook said, it's the birth of our wedding so it's kind of a birthday. So instead of saying, "Happy Anniversary!", I will say "Happy Wedding Birthday!" to my wonderful husband today!

13 YEARS....no it's not an unlucky number...it's a number that shows how far we've come...a LONG way!! Its been a rough and bumpy ride but worth every bit.

Last year, I did a year in review so this year I will share our wedding day in pictures.

 Me & my brother

 Me & My girls

Me & My Mom

 My brother walked me down the aisle

 Wowwww...check out that mullet...heehee!

 Mr. & Mrs.

 Our Bridal Party

 OMG! Look how little Kayleigh was!

 Our First Dance.... "You Had Me At Hello" by Kenny Chesney

 Trying to eat...we only had a few bites before it was time to visit again.

 Wooohoooooooo!

 Our Toast....Frankie's best friend did the toast and his ending words, "May all of your ups and downs be under the sheets!" Hahahaha!

 Cutting the cake....the only thing that went wrong with our wedding. The cake was the wrong flavors and we only had one piece and that was the piece we exchanged right after this pic.

 Mommy/Daughter dance

 Happy Couple

And here we are...13 years later! Happy Wedding Birthday Baby!!!

Playing Catchup

It seems like all I've been doing lately is "playing catchup". Our lives have been a complete whirlwind of activities and appointments. It seems like I have more "hurry up and wait" moments with everything going on and today I finally have a little time to breathe.

The last few months have brought on loads of excitement. Let's start with both girls at once. They both had their annual eye check ups. As you all know, type 1 diabetes can affect many things long term and eyesight is one of them. Both girls had been complaining of headaches more than usual but how do I know if it's just allergies or if something more was going on? Kacey started coming home telling me she couldn't see. It was worse on high sugar days. She said, "Things are blurry all the time. I can't read the board and I sit in the front row. I can't even read the road signs anymore! Mom I NEED an appointment quick!" So yes, I was worried. I was scared. I know it takes a long time to affect your eyes but it's times like this that I worry. Kayleigh's been complaining more and I knew she'd been having lots of lows. So yeah....I had the Mommygutworryitis! We went in for the appointments last week. This time we got to see a different doctor (female) and both girls absolutely loved her! She talked to them and not around them (which makes a HUGE difference!) Kacey was up first....she couldn't see past the 3rd line down WITH her glasses on! YIKES!!!

And then it was Kayleigh's turn! She could see down to the bottom but she was straining harder and squinting.

It was then that I knew BOTH girls eyes had really changed. The doc said that Kacey's eyes had gotten worse and she now had astigmatism in one eye and Kayleigh's one lens was actually too strong and her eye was working overtime. Other than that....both girls eyes look healthy! So then the fun came with the glasses. They both had fun trying on new glasses and since our insurance pays for them 100% every year, we take advantage of it. They always like to trick Daddy though and they send him a picture of a funny one and tell him thats what they chose. So here are the picks this year...

And then here are the real ones they chose.....

So they were very pleased with their n\"new look".

The end of the school year is drawing near. Their last day of school is May 31st and the weeks are filling so fast as it gets closer. The past month we've been swamped in stuff to do!

Kayleigh presented her SIRS (Senior Independant Research Project) on April 23rd. She was more than prepared for it but she was still nervous. She wasn't finished collecting all the money for the last of the cookbooks so her teacher gave her til May 1st as her cut off. She met with the Roundy family on May 1st and presented them a check for $3400.00, money raised from cookbook sales and dessert event. This money was used to pay off the final medical expenses that this family had as a result of the accident Morganne was in that required her to undergo two life saving brain surgeries.

As you can see, she's a walking miracle and is doing wonderful! She will graduate with Kayleigh. This project had consumed so much of our lives as a family and as sad as we were to see it end, we were glad it was over and we could focus on graduation. Thank you to everyone online that helped support her!

On April 27th, Kayleigh had Senior Prom. I can't believe this was the last dance I'd be fixing her hair for. As I helped her get ready, the tears began to flow uncontrollably. I've had more meltdowns lately because I know the end is drawing near. She was asked to prom by a very nice and respectful young man that she's been friends with since the beginning of high school. I won't go into all the details about him just yet but let's just say I was happy to know that I didn't have to worry about her that night. She went with a good group of friends and she was happy that she finally decided to tell him yes after weeks of saying no.

May 6th brought a fun day....COLOR ME RAD. It was our first 5K and it was so much fun! 

You start out with a white shirt and at each mile you are blasted with color and at each 1/2 mile between the miles you're blasted with liquid color they squirt at you. As we began the race, it started to rain so imagine for a moment being wet and then having baby powder dumped on you. Yep...it was FUNNNNN!!! We ran & walked up hills, through mud and wet grass and even got trampled by a few serious runners. It was insane! As soon as we finished, we were ready to do it again! At mile one we were hit with yellow and pink....mile 1 1/2 we got blasted with liquid blue....mile 2 we were powdered with orange and green....mile 2 1/2 we were soaked in red and blue....and then at the end we were dumped with blue and purple. It was awesome and we certainly plan on making this a yearly thing!

This time of year also means the end of some favorite things in school. Kacey has been in chorus, festival chorus and band this year. She patiently waited the last 3 years to be able to play her saxaphone and now it's come to an end. She finished the year with two concerts, one for chorus and one for band. Once the concerts were over, so were the classes. The next morning she had to go to school without dragging that sax case with her. You'd of thought she was missing her best friend. She moped all morning knowing that it was almost time to give it back. The sax she had was a rent to own from a company the school uses. Personally I don't like the idea of handing my child a $1700 saxaphone when you can buy them online all day long for $295! We paid $55 a month to rent this one since the beginning of the school year but the nice thing is that we can hand it back over to the company and be done with it. So thats what we did....but not without a few tears! We reassured her that we would purchase one for her over the summer. And now....a new found love....she saw the Jazz Band perform and she is thrilled about joining. I explained that she would have to give up chorus in order to do it and she's prepared to! She was so excited about it that she went into her teacher the next morning and told her she was interested in it. Her teacher explained they had to be chosen for it but she knew Kacey was a hard worker and put in hours so she'd definately be a candidate for it. Talk about being over the moon! We aso got the sheet home for her to choose classes for next year. Yikes! 7th GRADE! Her choices surprised me. Of course, Band is #1....but #2 Guitar....#3 Keyboarding....#4 Home Ec. Ummmm....GUITAR?!?! Yep she wants to learn another instrument that gets her closer to playing in the church band. Geesh! I'm excited for her :) It should be a very MUSICAL year again!

Then Diabetes has a way of sticking it's foot into things and stirring the pot to cause a tornado. Ketones...those little buggars that are like a thorn in your side. It was time for the dreaded site change and Kacey was already wallowing over it. Her pump had alarmed and she hit ignore for the low cartridge. But when it plays that little tune to tell us that it's completely out of insulin then there is no choice but to change it. She was a mess and started to cry and the easiest thing for me to do when she gets like that is get the site change done as quick as possible. I grabbed up supplies and the crying got louder and louDER and LOUDER til she was in a full wail. She doesn't do this every site change but there are just times she has those meltdowns. So imagine how difficult it is to do a site change with the crying and belly jiggle...difficult! I got it done but something about the "stick" didn't feel right. She said it felt ok and usually when its a bad stick then she can feel it and we take it out right then. (Which is why we don't use numbing cream) Anyway, the night went on and her sugar was a 389 for bed at 9pm. Yuk! At 11pm, I checked to see if she was coming down....394. Crap! Gave her another correction and went to bed. The 2am alarm went off and I checked again....419. Holy Moley! Gave her another correction and checked her site. Everything looked fine, no insulin smell, no leaks, no blood, pump battery fine. All the normal check off list was correct so what in the world was causing this? She woke up at 6am and you'd of thought we woke a grizzly bear. Grumpy...grumbles...shouts...tears (and lots of them)....screams of "I don't feel good!"...but she had her last chorus practice and if she missed it then she couldn't perform the following night. She managed to get herself up, wash her hair, get dressed and then refused to eat. After some convincing, I got her to eat a rice cake with peanut butter but not without a fight. She was miserable, I knew that, so whats a Mom to do? Well, this Mom took her to school. She slept the entire way. As we pulled up, I assured her that she didn't have to go but she pushed the van door open and said she had to so she could sing. I dropped Kay off at school and had just sat down in Starbucks for a breather when my phone rang....8:30am....Kacey School Nurse. CRAP! I answered it and with a worried voice, her nurse explained that Kacey had come in and her sugar was a 460 with LARGE ketones. I'm glad I was sitting down because I felt my whole body tingle. LARGE? Yes, you heard correctly. She doesn't feel good and she's trying to stay but shes miserable. I imagine she is! She's only had LARGE ketones ONCE since diagnosis and that was when she had the flu. YUK! Kacey gave herself another correction so I told her to wait 20 more minutes and call me back and let me know if she was coming down. At the 10 minute mark my phone rang again....Jill, shes a 490 now and shes trying to drink water and feels like shes going to throw up. I'M ON MY WAY!!!! I packed up and rushed to her school. When I got there, she looked like she was going to puke any second. She started to cry and I felt horrible. Yep...give me the Mother of the Year award :( I should never have let her go to school. When we got home, I checked her again and she was coming down so I had her drink some Crystal Light instead of plain water. We immediately did site change. Something about that site was weird to begin with and I felt like that was what was causing this hurricane of crap. After that, she got in my bed and she started to cry again. I asked her what was wrong and she explained that she was scared. Scared? "Yes I'm scared because I remember being in ICU and being so sick. I remember feeling bad and I feel like that now." Oh geesh! My heart broke into a million pieces for her. She may not remember life before diagnosis but she remembers that day VERY well! I reassured her that as long as her sugar and ketones were coming down then she was good. Two hours after coming home, her ketones were gone and her sugar was 286. And then....sleep! She slept the morning away and it was almost as if her body said, "Enough!" but for a Mommy it's a scary time. I remeber that scary ICU feeling when she slept. She looks so peaceful but yet there is a hurricane happening inside.

The silent diabetes storm....hurricane force....had completely wiped her out! By lunchtime, I felt like I needed to wake her and make sure things were ok. Before I woke her, I checked her sugar....52! WTF?!?! How in the world did she go from a 490 to a 52 in a matter of hours?!?! Ummm....I guess we got a good site! So I woke her and she had juice and then some lunch. An hour later she was sitting at a 164 and holding steady but she was still so tired. Back to sleep she went! She ended up sleeping til almost dinner time and I woke her up again in fear she wouldn't be able to sleep all night. When she woke up, she felt refreshed and said, "I feel like it was all a bad dream and now I feel better!" ....WHEW!

So all of this combined with field trips, rehersals, baking, birthday parties, food parties, pool cleaning, house cleaning...and much more....we've been BUSY again! One thing is for sure....when I see this picture below....ITS ALL WORTH IT!

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers and stand in mothers out there!