Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Daisy Dex Is Back!

I’m not sure if it’s the cold medicine or if it’s everything running through my brain but I can’t sleep tonight. I’ve tossed and turned, played all the games waiting for me on my iPhone and I’ve paced the floor quite a few times. I’m restless! Why? Why can’t I just relax and rest this body that is fighting off this nasty fall cold? Excitement? Ummm…yeah just a little! Tonight I finally convinced Kacey to go back on Dexcom. She took a break almost a year ago. For a 12 year old little girl, there were so many factors that went into giving her the break. First, it’s her body, right? I’ve always felt like Dexcom was a choice. She can’t choose to not have diabetes. She would never choose to go off her pump. But somehow Dexcom is a choice. She doesn’t HAVE to wear it but it’s REALLY nice if she does. We jumped into the Dexcom system with both feet and I think she may have had a bad burnout. That’s ok! She was going through several changes. One of them included “hiding diabetes” with all her cute little outfits. It’s hard to hide a pump and when you add in the size of Dexcom then its even harder. Kacey had started to thin out so she wanted some tighter shirts. She wanted the pump pack that kept her pump close to her body, not the cute little pouches that showed it off. She was growing up! L Friends were really taking notice of her outfits but they were also taking notice of sensors too! Middle school kids are cruel and mean in todays world. Kacey wears her Dexcom sensors on the backs of her arms and let’s face it….after a week of a sensor stuck on you, it starts looking pretty crappy! Stuff sticks to it, it looks fuzzy and gunky from trying to add more sticky to it and then if you add IV prep over it, it looks downright nasty! So when she was constantly asked, “What is THAT?”…”How come you haven’t washed that off?”…”Why do you have to wear that every day?” ….she wanted a break. She was in middle school, she didn’t want everyone to know about her diabetes because she didn’t want to be known as “THAT girl” and she wanted to choose who she told about such a personal issue. She told her close friends and she made some lasting friendships but she didn’t want everyone knowing about her diabetes. It was a hard pill for me to swallow. It was HER issue but WE were going to tackle it together. The first step we made was taking a step back from Dexcom. I hated the decision but I knew it was something we needed to do. She needed a little more “freedom” before she ended up really burning out and rebelling. This meant more sleepless nights, flying blind and I thought it would only last a month or two….NOT ALMOST A YEAR! Scared…yeah that doesn’t even begin to describe it! She’d drop to the 120-130 mark and I’d start to get paranoid. Was that up? Was that down? Is she gonna fall fast? I’d give her a snack and not cover it and send her soaring into the 300’s and then I felt like shit because I knew I should have waited. It was nasty! Her A1c shot up again…ashamed….yes….a 9.4…sickening! I tried to sit her down and explain that we really needed to try Dexcom again to get things under control but she didn’t want to even listen to me. She would snub her nose and remind me of it being HER choice. We’d have a power struggle and she would win. After all…it is HER body. All I could do was suggest that it was BEST but she didn’t want any parts of it. We made it through summer…pool…lots of playing…and then the start of school. Believe me, I was scared about her starting without it. I knew we’d managed to fly without it last year but would we manage another year? I brought up the issue of wearing it again a couple of weeks ago. She’d had some crazy lows out of nowhere and was waking up low. It’s a crappy start to the day when you start out low and can’t seem to jumpstart your body. What’s going on? Is it the cold? Is she due for her period? Is it the correction from 2am? So many factors were playing in and there wasn’t a consistent pattern. I HATE THIS! I hate when I can’t figure it out. So I asked this….”Kacey, have you given any thought to possibly wearing Dexcom for a few weeks so we can figure out what is going on?” Thankfully I was sitting down when she responded with…”You know Mom, I was just thinking about it yesterday because I’m starting to not feel lows again and highs feel like lows” ***INSERT SILENT SCREAM OF JOY*** I had to make her think it was all about her….her decision…her choice to wear it…she’s calling the shots. So I told her I thought she might want to think about it some more and when she was ready, we could put a sensor on and take a look at what her body was doing because a lot has changed since she wore it last…she’s taller, she’s thinner, she’s more active, she’s got her period regularly, she’s going to be doing Marching Band, she’s got new teachers, she’s got new friends….and she’s grown up! ;) She took the bait! She agreed that she was older and she understood how important it was and she was willing to try again. THANK YOU JESUS!!!!

So tonight was the night! After dinner, I got all the supplies layed out and told her I was ready whenever she was. She stalled for about 10 minutes and then came in to get me. It’s been so long since she felt that sensor go in. She’d forgotten what it felt like! We did the prep and insert with no issues and then she turned to me with a smile that slowly faded to a straight face. “Mom, I hope I don’t get asked a bunch of questions.” I smiled back at her and gave her a wink and said, “Well if you do, just tell them you’re a spy!” We both giggled and she hugged me and thanked me for putting it on. We both excitedly awaited the 3 hour calibration and when she got a vibration and beep to enter 2 BG’s, she squealed with excitement. She entered them in and there it was….that beautiful arrow with a 122! Ohhhhhh how I’ve missed that little arrow!

So for an hour, we watched it stay steady, turn to rise straight up and then turn to double down. I’m looking forward to a week of good data to help tweak these basals and see whats going on within that sweet little body of hers. For now she is a 156 with a steady arrow but I now have to resist the urge to run in there and press that little button and see what she is without pricking her finger. I MUST get some rest! Thank you Lord for helping her understand that this piece of equipment that she has a love/hate relationship with is a true security blanket for her mother. Thank you for giving me the wisdom to help her understand the importance of it and for helping me show her that she is more grown up than she was a year ago. Lord please help the kids at school to understand that just because she beeps, wears funky things on her arms and pricks her fingers, she really is just a normal child wanting to fit in. Please help them to hold their tongues that would normally make comments that they don’t realize are hurtful. Please help the teachers to understand when the beeping gets frustrating for them, it’s ten times worse for Kacey. And Lord, please give me the patience to analyze this data to make changes to her insulin needs in order to keep those sweet little organs of hers safe. In your most precious name….Amen!

Goodnight Everyone!

No comments: