It's a word that makes my skin crawl some days. I love living in my "comfort zone" and when I have to change things within it then I feel like my whole world gets off balance. Change is a word I had to learn to embrace when Kacey was diagnosed. I didn't like it but somehow I had no choice anymore.
We've had so much CHANGE in our life recently. We changed insulin from Novolog to Apidra....we changed Endo's from a man to a woman...we sent Kay off to college and our house became a one child household...and most recently we changed infusion sets. All of these changes made me nervous (some more than others) but they were all changes for the better so I shouldn't get my big girl panties in a wad.
Our most recent change was my most nervous. Switching infusion sets was a BIG deal and not only did we switch them once...we switched them TWICE! When Kacey first started pumping, we used Comfort Shorts. These sets go in sideways and not straight in so the risk of a bent cannula lessened. These were the sets we were told to use as well since Kacey had a "little more fat" to put them in. She was scared of the automatic insert ones and I had to learn the manual insert ones. This was a learning curve for me. I've always had a fear of needles and when Kacey was diagnosed, this sent me over the edge. I cried and sobbed when the nurse told me I had to stick my own child. I could barely stand getting stuck myself because of a bad experience I had as a child. So being in the room with a needle scared the crap outta me. I learned to move past the fear because I had to keep my child alive. I learned how to insert the Comfort Short like a pro. Then this past August, Kacey wanted to learn to do her own site changes. Nervous didn't begin to describe the feelings I was feeling. How I could turn over the control? It was the last bit of control I had. She didn't like me touching her pump (since she feels its a private body part). She would show me her pump but she wanted to hold it. She has been doing her own finger sticks for years. The only thing she couldn't do was her own pump site. With the help of her amazing CDE, she learned! She started to use the Inset 30's. They still go in sideways but with the help of them being housed inside of a cocked device, it was easy for her to place them and click that button. Now what?!? We ordered a few boxes of those and then we were accidently sent 2 boxes of the regular Inset sets. As much as she cried, she used it as a good opportunity to put a site in her leg. The Inset sets still have the cocking device but the cannula goes straight in. They were a little easier to hold and click. But after a few leg sites, she went right back to the Inset 30's when they arrived. And then the dreaded day we ran out....it was time for site change and Kacey went to the cabinet to get a set. Panic set in...she yelled into the other room, "Mommmmm, did you order more sets?" Hmmmm....ummmmm....NO! Why didn't I order sets? Because Kacey was getting the sets from the cabinet and I didn't even know we were low. LESSON #1- If you are going to take responsibility for doing your sets then YOU need to let me know when you're getting low. This resulted in a meltdown. After 20 minutes of tears, she finally decided that she had two choices...ONE: put an Inset site in her leg or other body part she had not done yet or TWO: Let me put a Comfort Short set in. She decided that she wasn't ready to try putting an Inset in her stomach yet so I put the Comfort Short in. Well.....as luck would have it....I hit a FREAKING vein! She screamed and begged me to pull it out. This resulted in MORE tears! NOW WHAT?!?!? (Diabetes, YOU SUCK!) I ended up convincing her to let me stick her again and I put it in her hip. It went in just fine but she still sat there and cried for the next hour. We talked about why she was scared to try the Inset. It was the noise, the fear of the unknown and nerves. You CAN do this! I kept building her up over the next few days and then....the 3 day window was up. She was faced with the decision again. Will you put the Inset or the Comfort Short in. She chose the Inset. As she sat there and mentally prepared herself, I continued to encourage her. Seeing the ball of nerves she had worked herself up in made me so sad. She sat there for about 5 minutes with the little round inserter pressed against her tummy. And then.....CLICK! She did it! SHE DID IT! She really did it! She smiled and then started to cry tears of joy. "Mom! I didn't feel it! It doesn't hurt!" She was so proud of herself as she hooked back up to her pump. The biggest fear I had was how will this change her blood sugars? We'd been seeing numbers 200-400 range. So only time would tell! Over the course of those 3 days, we saw some AMAZING numbers! Lots of lows! Why in the world would we be told she couldn't use these? We've gotten better numbers using them than when we used the Inset 30's! It's been a few weeks now and she absolutely LOVES the Inset sets. We are down to 2 boxes and I asked her what she wanted me to order next time. Her reply: INSET, not INSET 30! Wowwwwwwww!
It's amazing to watch the progress she's made. I still sit with her during every site change, moreso for emotional support. She still sighs and mumbles "I hate this!" under her breath when it's time for the change BUT the automatic insert makes the biggest difference in the world. I know she won't ever give me control over it again and that makes me so sad but at almost 14 years old, I guess I should be happy that she is wanting to take responsibility of this nasty disease. I still do all the number crunching and it will be a long time before I let her do that on her own. Some days I know she just wants to be a kid and for now, I gonna let her!