Winded

Do you know what it feels like to have the wind knocked out of you? Have you ever been so upset that you feel like a rug was snatched out from beneath your feet and you hit the ground knocking the wind out of you? You sorta lay there for a second to try and catch your breath and then you start to cry because it hurt.

Thats EXACTLY how I'm feeling right now!

I'm trying desperately to type this post through the tears that won't stop flowing! I type and I dab my eyes but the faucet of tears just won't stop. WHY? I know you're asking yourself what in the world could make me so upset?

I just hung up the phone with an Animas rep. They got our prescription and they're going to process the pump request with our new insurance but he wanted to give me a heads up on a few things. A heads up? Well...we're only 2 years into our Cozmo warranty. Ok...and? Well that means that insurance will probably not approve an upgrade. Ummm...wait! We don't have the same insurance! Well we still have to subit whether it is a new pump or pump upgrade and since her pump is still under warranty for another year then he said they will probably reject it BUT we could take advantage of the upgrade through them. They will give us $700 for Goober (Kacey's pump) and then that will leave us with an out of pocket expense of $200 or we could pay the $900 up front....UP FRONT...to get the new pump. Ummm...excuse me while I puke and bust into tears! For some of you, a pump is just a pump. Your pump might be like a cell phone. You can toss it to the side and part with it pretty easy. For Kacey, her pump is like some imaginary friend that is with her 24/7. She talks to this pump. She hugs her pump when she has good blood sugars and she yells at it when she has crappy ones. It's like a part of our family! When she had to send Herbie (her first pump) back, it was like a death in the family! I had told her that she would get to keep Goober but she'd be using a new pump. You know what this kid wanted to do with Goober? PUT HIM IN A FREAKING GLASS BOX! Yes, a glass box! A box to protect him for the rest of her life! A casket for an insulin pump. A glass box like Snow White was put into. ***wiping tears*** And....Now I had to break the news to her that she couldn't keep him because the difference in $900 and $200 up front is tremendous!! Money...it's all about freaking MONEY! The root of most evil! I honestly feel like I could vomit right now. I once again explained to the guy that we didn't have the same insurance. He once again explained to me that unless the pump was out of warranty or malfunctioning then they couldn't do anything about it. MALFUNCTIONING?!?! Ummm...does an Endo not being able to download settings classify as a malfunction? Can we say he's not working right? Can we tell them the CozMonitor works when it feels like it? (which it does by the way...damn those new Freestyle strips) Can we make up some story about the pump being run over by a train and not being saved? :( I'm at a loss here! So he said he would try to submit it and see what my insurance says.

Meanwhile, I keep my composure and walk into Kacey's room where she's laying and watching a movie. I sit on the edge of her bed and tell her I have a bit of bad news. She looks at me with sad eyes....she knows....she really knows what I'm about to tell her. I swallow that nasty lump in my throat and tell her that we have to make a choice. It's not for certain yet but if we decide to keep her pump then we have to pay $900 for an Animas pump but if we send it back then we only have to pay $200. She immediately clutches her pump pack and starts bawling. I felt like my heart was being squeezed right out of my chest! So I went on to tell her that her other option would be to try and stick it out for another year with Goober and we could definately go forward with getting Dexcom. That wouldn't be a bit of trouble and she'd have it in no time! She layed there just looking at me with these huge tears rolling down her face. I told her that we wouldn't make any kind of decision until we found out for sure from the insurance company and then we'd go from there but I just wanted her aware of what we were about to go through. I hugged her and left out of her room.

So now here I sit....and my biggest dilemma is this....
When we first got our Cozmo, it was March 2009. Two weeks after we got Herbie, we got a letter in the mail telling us that Smith's Medical was no longer carrying the Cozmo pump and for those that just got pumps, they would still continue to honor the warranty until the 3 years was up and then after that we would have to get a new pump. OK...so thats all fine well and good...BUT here's my gripe....when we went to the Endo last month, she came back in with Goober and said they could no longer download the pump settings. They couldn't access the Cozmo website to download what they needed to so they could make changes to her pump and see her logs over the last few weeks. I don't understand? WHY would Cozmo shut down the site for the doctors to be able to access the pump information. This means that from now on I have to use the cable that talks to her pump and upload the program settings and logs to pdf files and email them to her Endo before every visit. If something happens to that cable that we have then we have NO way of uploading these Cozmo settings anymore. Ummm....is that a malfunction? DUH! This is not OUR fault! This is Cozmo's fault! So why should we be held responsible for it? I knew in my gut that it would come to this. And I know in another year we could get another new pump with no problems but having to deal with an almost 11 year old that is attached to this pump like a stuffed animal is emotionally draining. Now....don't get me wrong....I'm in love with our Cozmo. I love the features. It still works and Cozmo will replace the pump for the remainder of the warranty. The reason we were being pushed to switch is because the Endo couldn't upload settings anymore. So, really....do we HAVE to switch right now? Should we wait out the next year with Cozmo and just move on with the Dexcom ...which is what *I* really want...*wink* It just seems like the easiest thing to do right now :(  My heart just breaks for Kacey. I guess for her it's like giving a body part back. Even though I've tried to explain it is like cell phone upgrades...she doesn't look at this pump as a piece of electronic equipment...so it makes things MUCH more difficult!

I'll update as I hear back from insurance to see what they say!

Oh yeah...and to add fuel to the fire....our insurance DOES NOT cover blood ketone meters or the strips. THANK YOU insurance! You just ROCK! NOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT! Maybe all of us D-Moms need to rally and tell them how important these are. Just like tonight....try getting a sick kid to pee on a stupid little strip while you add in being modest. Ummm...at almost 11 years old you really dont want your Mom holding a pee strip between your thighs and watching her peek down there to make sure your pee is making it on the strip. UGH!