I didn't think those words would come out of my mouth until it was time to upgrade to a new pump. I certainly didn't think it would be as complicated as the last few days have been. I even more so didn't think I'd ever be crying over something the size of a cell phone.
Why the tears? Why are we so upset? Well, Herbie was Kacey's very first insulin pump. So I can see where she'd have some attachments. She waited so long for him, he arrived right after her 9th birthday and from the moment he was in her hands, it was love at first site! But why am I so sad? Well, this is a piece of equipment that I've trusted for the last year and a half to keep my daughter alive. He's become like "family" to us. For the last year and a half, I've found myself thanking him in the middle of the night...cursing at him when she was high...and feeling blessed when he showed us some good numbers. I guess I do have a reason to be sad right along with her.
Today, the new pump arrived. It was delayed a day due to some bad weather in PA. UPS showed me this:
PHILADELPHIA, PA, US
ADVERSE WEATHER CONDITIONS / THE MOVEMENT OF THE PACKAGE WILL RESUME AS SOON AS THE WEATHER CONDITIONS ALLOW
Around 11am this morning, the box arrived. She wasn't too excited to open it but it was something we had to do. She took out the new pump, looked at it and then layed it back in the box. Then came the tears! Those uncontrollable ones that she couldn't stop. I hate seeing her this sad. I figured it was best to try and just get her mind off everything and let her settle down before we tried putting any settings into the new pump. So we went to Walmart and got some groceries. After lunch, we sat back down and I told her "it was time". We opened the box back up and took out the new pump. I uploaded all of Herbie's settings into the software and then I downloaded them to the new pump. There I sat...two pumps...two identical settings...and it was time to hook up to the new pump.
Kacey and I both cried as we did the site change. It wasn't the loud crying...just those silent tears and neither of us spoke. She sat down in the chair with Herbie in her hand and continued to cry. I connected her to the new pump and within seconds, he was filling Herbie's shoes. Just...that...simple! As she looked down and him and cried, she looked back at me and said "Mommy, I'm going to try and get him back one day." I wasn't sure what she meant until about 30 minutes later when she came to me with a letter. As I read the letter, I cried all over again. Could this be? Could this happen? Is it possible? We won't know until after they get the box back. In case you're wondering... this is what it said....
Dear Smith's Medical and Cozmo,
My name is Kacey. I'm 10 years old. I got my pump when I turned 9 years old. Herbie (my pump) was the first pump I ever had. He was the best. I love him so much. I know no more Cozmo pumps are being made. So if you're going to throw him away can you please send him back? I didn't want him to crack and I'm so sad. :( I would like to put him in a glass box and keep him FOREVER. Thank you so much.
Now, if you weren't crying by now...you should be! A sad child begging to keep her very first pump. UGH! So yes, I'm going to put this letter into the box with Herbie. I'm adding my blog address at the bottom. And let's hope and pray that Kacey gets the closure she is asking for.
So..... ~~~drum roll~~~
Allow me to introduce you.....
IT'S A BOY..... Welcome "Goober" to our family!
It's been over an hour since she's been connected. The tears have settled a bit and she just came in to me and said "Mommy, I think I'm going to be ok." ***sigh*** "Yep! You sure are! Goober is going to fill those shoes and take care of you the same way Herbie did and you're going to love him the same...maybe not as much...but he will be loved for sure!"
So today we say... RIP Herbie! We love you!
**Pics to come soon!**