That Feeling Deep Down

Now that I've had time to clear my brain, I think I can write this post without crying. I was a basketcase yesterday evening and I couldn't even think straight to blog about what I was feeling.

Over the last few weeks, Kayleigh (my oldest daughter who is almost 16) has been having some symptoms. YES...THOSE symptoms. The ones that when you see other children having, you start to think about when your child was diagnosed and the ones you never saw coming. Extreme thirst, more bathroom breaks, hungry all the time, cranky...ok more than just cranky...like PMS x10, and unually tired...like going to bed at 9pm...sleeping til after 9am...and then napping from 2-4 or 5pm. When she started drinking alot, it threw me into a tailspin and made me think about 2yrs ago when Kacey was so thirsty all the time. I had to try and set those feelings aside and remind myself ...Kay was thirsty because we were staying out on the beach and it was 100-105F all day. But yet...it was hard because that was the excuse I used when Kacey was so thirsty...she was playing softball in 95F weather, so yes, she was hot and thirsty! Over the last few days, the symptoms have increased and she hasn't had the energy to do anything. Last night, she stood up from the couch and had a "dizzy spell". She held her head and sat down. My first reaction was to grab the test kit. She had not eaten since 1pm ....prick....161. WHAT?! Normal is 80-120...right? OK, calm down Jill...don't let her see you upset. But it was too late, she was already in tears because she KNOWS what normal levels are. She couldn't eat dinner and she sat bawled up on the couch. About an hour later, Frankie came in and suggested we go for a walk to clear our heads and get some fresh air. Just to see what happened, I checked her blood sugar again.....164. CRAP! So we went for a mile walk and on the way back down our driveway, she said her knees felt like Jello. We went in the house to test again...88. OK...so its back in normal range BUT would it stay there? We chilled out on the couch and "Little Miss Compassionate" aka Kacey, explained to Kayleigh that it wasn't THAT bad because we all knew how to take care of her. Ugh...thanks Kacey! I finally had to send her in the other room because she was already diagnosing Kayleigh...LOL! Before Kay went to bed we did one more check...98. Still normal and up 10 from earlier.

I slept so restless last night. All the "what-if's" were killing me and I cried more tears just thinking about it. This morning, I decided to check her fasting blood sugar...99. OK, once again it's perfect. I told her that we'd check through the day and just keep an eye on it. I'm going to call and make her an appointment for her yearly physical and I will request to have another A1c done. She had one done 2yrs ago when Kacey was diagnosed and it came out on the high end of normal. So just to have peace of mind, I need to know that number hasn't gone above 6.0! In the meantime, I've eased Kay's mind by telling her it could have been a fluke or hormones. She agreed and I told her we would get the test done and then we could get concerned if that number was crazy but until then, we just go on like nothings wrong.

Although...those symptoms are still there! So if it's not for diabetes then we need to look a bit deeper and find out whats going on.

For all of you that are the praying type, please keep her in your thoughts and prayers. I will update when we know something!

(((HUGS))) to you all!

Insurances SUCK!

Well...it couldn't easy, could it? GRRRRRRRR!

I placed Kacey's order with Edgepark to get her next 3 months of pump supplies and I got a very nice phone call to verify the $1100 we would have to pay when they were shipped. WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTT?!?! Edgepark does NOT have a contract with Blue Cross Blue Shield to cover the supplies. DAMMIT!!!!

So I get on the phone and call BCBS. The rep said she'd do a 3way call with Edgepark to find out the codes for what we need and she would help us find a place that covered them. Do the 3way call, the rep puts me on hold and then she offers to call me back while she finds some place. She calls me back hours later and gives me the name of Home Care Delivered. She said she verified they cover her supplies and all I had to do was call and place the oder. Could it be that simple? HELL NO! I call them this morning and the lady says, "We only cover meter strips and lancets." WHAT?!?! So I call BCBS back and I get this VERY rude man and he gives me the name of a local company. I told him we always did mail order and he says in a rude tone, "Mam, I'm only trying to help you out!" So I got rude back and told him I didn't need his rude help and hung up. I called the place he gave me and guess what....THEY ARE NO LONGER IN BUSINESS!!! By this time I am in tears! So I call back to BCBS and get a nice lady who offers to send me a list of in network providers but it would be my job to find one that carries Kacey's supplies. It's been 15 minutes and I still don't have an email yet!

Anyone out there have Blue Cross Blue Shield for insurance able to help me and give me the name of an in network DME supplier? HELP!!

Lots of Excitement

My house has been full of excitement since Kacey's anniversary so I'm sorry for getting the winner up a few hours late!

The winner of the box of love frim VA is Amanda. She has a daughter that is newly diagnosed and I haven't talked with her yet but I'm looking forward to getting to know them :) Amanda, if you could email me your address at my home email ... mom2knkc@inna.net Thanks!

Now, I have to share some VERY cool and exciting news. Since we are pass holders with Busch Gardens and we're there usually 1-2 times a week during the summer, I decided to take a chance and send them an email. Below is what I sent.

We have been BG pass holders for about the last 8 years but we're not new to the park. I've been coming to BG since we moved here in 1978 and we now frequent the park as much as we possibly can. In 2008, my youngest daughter (now 10yrs old) was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. We have visited the park MANY times since her diagnosis but it wasn't until recently that we started to wonder about a pass for her. You see, having Type 1 diabetes and being on an insulin pump has many challenges. We don't like to classify her as disabled but under the circumstances, it's hard not to. It wasn't so bad when she was little because the lines for the kiddie rides are not as long but now that she rides all of the roller coasters, it's MUCH more difficult! When her blood sugar drops low, she has to get out of line, test her sugar, treat her low and then we have to get back into the line we just spent 30-45min waiting in. Also the same if her sugar goes high, we have to get out of line so she can test and then use the restroom. By then, she's hot, she's frustrated and grumpy and it makes the park experience a bit miserable. So I was wondering if you offer anything for guests with these disabilities? The inconvenience of diabetes is enough for her to bear but then when it affects her fun at BG, I feel it's time for me to step up as her mother and find out if there is something we can do to help the fun?

Thank you so much for your help!
Jill West

And what I got back was this...

Dear Jill:
Thank you for your interest in Busch Gardens Williamsburg. We offer a RideAdmission Program at the park, which matches the guests' physical and mentalabilities with the ride requirements (manufacturer and company). When you come to the park, stop by the Guest Assistance Center in England where we can enroll your child in our program. Thank you for visiting our website. Should you require additional information, please contact our Customer Service & Information Center at 1-800-343-7946.

Sincerely,
Jessica
Guest Correspondence Team
Busch Gardens Williamsburg

Sooooo...when we got to the park yesterday, I took these emails and went to Guest Assistance. The lady in there was WONDERFUL! She put a band on Kacey (just for the day) and then gave us a sheet of paper to carry with us. This paper entitles Kacey and 3 guests to go straight to the front of the line for ANY ride! If the line is too long and they have a long line for single rider/disabled riders then they sign the paper and tell you what time to come back to get right on the ride. It is good for 30 days and then after 30 days I have to go back and renew it. How amazing is that?!?! Yesterday I saw a smile on her face that couldn't be wiped off! Yep, her blood sugar was in the 300's from the excitement and yep she had to pee more than usual....BUT she didn't have to get out of line to do it :) This just took a HUGE burden off of us and the cool thing is her Daddy and Sissy can ride with her too! (I don't ride the coasters!) I'd like to give a HUGE Thank You to Busch Gardens Williamsburg for having this program to offer. It's hard enough dealing with diabetes on a daily basis and I think Kacey has sure earned this priviledge to have fun! We will continue to be pass holders and look forward to many more fun summers!

Kacey also made the decision to ride Griffon for the first time. This coaster is Busch Gardens newest coaster and the drop is nearly straight down! She's watched from the bottom many times while her Daddy and Sissy rode it but it wasn't until the other day that she decided she was going to ride it. I figured she would chicken out like before but this time was different. She was ready! Daddy said when she got in the seat, she started to cry and she cried all the way up the hill and then when they got to the big drop, I was standing at the bottom and I could hear her screaming. After that, she laughed the entire way! She got off and was shaking while she told me how cool it was and it was her new favorite ride :) Fun! Fun! :)

Now the excitement has switched to leaving for vacation! We leave on Thursday and the girls are READY! It's going to be so much fun just to get out of G-town and I'm looking forward to it!

You've Come A Long Way Baby!

***July 15, 2008*** Laying in PICU and in DKA. You were VERY sick!

**2010** You've some a LONGGGGG way baby!!!

Dear Kacey,

How do I ever begin to tell you how proud I am of you?

Two years ago, we were on our way to the doctor because I thought you had a bladder infection. Little did I know, I was within 24-48 hours of possibly losing you. July 15, 2008 will forever be etched in my brain and my heart....your Type 1 diabetes diagnosis. I spent the days following your diagnosis crying uncontrollably. I was very scared and I was angry at God. How could He let this happen? How could this happen to us? We're good people and He chose to turn our world upside down. Once again, little did I realize, EVERYTHING happens for a reason! In the weeks following, I tried to be strong for you but I silently cried alone. I cried making dinner. I cried in the bathtub. I would make excuses to use the bathroom to cry. I didn't want you to see me so upset. I was still so scared and I hardly slept because all I did was worry about you. During my weak time, I watched you grow stronger. Within a few days of your diagnosis, you checked your own blood sugar and within 3 months, you were giving yourself injections. My baby, my 8yr old, was doing shots on her own. I fed off your strength. I watched you grow from this little girl into a very responsible young lady. You were starting to educate people around you and it was so neat to see how much you'd touch someone's life. How could I be mad at God? He had created something so wonderful and I had to stop looking at the negative and see the positive in this horrible diagnosis.

Within 8 months, you had proven you were ready for the insulin pump and "Herbie" became a part of our daily life. He gave you the freedom that you had lost when you were diagnosed. You were able to have those snacks again without having to get a shot and I saw you smile more than I had in a long time. You were in love! :) (and so was I!)

Over the two years, I've gone from a very scared, worried and angry Mommy to a more calm, confident and still worrying Mommy! My worries are not the ones they were two years ago. I don't feel so anxious when we leave the house anymore. I used to pack a backpack full of snacks, water and stuff for lows. Now, as long as we have your purse with your test kit and some glucose tabs then we can go where we want to go! I remind myself that we can always stop and get you a drink or a snack if you need one. I don't let diabetes run our lives anymore. It's not the first thing on my mind all day anymore but it is the first thing on my mind when I wake up every morning. I can't start my day without going in and quietly doing a blood sugar check while you're sweetly sleeping til 9am (thanks Herbie!). Once I know your number, then I can move forward with the day and we can fight any other number together.

School was a word that I didn't want to hear just a few weeks after your were diagnosed. I was so scared to leave you and I'd come up to school every day to give you your lunch injection. Once you learned how to do that, you didn't "need" me anymore. I was happy to see you taking responsibility but I was sad to have to let you do it. You were just a 3rd grader but you sailed through with a teacher you came to have a special place in your heart for. As 4th grade approached, I knew we'd have 3 more teachers to educate but you were doing everything on your own so all they had to do was keep an eye on you. Once again, you sailed through and even after missing 24 days due to flu, illness and diabetes sick days...you came out with A/B Honor Roll! Many kids can't do that when they only miss a few days. Now as we approach 5th grade, we have many more challenges ahead. We have more teachers to educate, harder work, more tests and then the thoughts of middle school creep in. I'm sure I will feel those feelings again but when I watch how grown you are and how strong your spirit is at just 10 years old, then I know I can make it through.

You're an educator. You're an inspiration to others. You're a brave hero. And most of all...you're my daughter! On this day, we will not cry sad tears the way we did two years ago, we will cry happy tears. Happy tears because you are a healthy, happy, caring, compassionate and "normal" young lady.

Happy 2yr D-Anniversary!

To celebrate the day, we will be heading to Busch Gardens for the day :) and we will complete the day with ICE CREAM!

I Love You "Mootsie Tootsie"!

Love,

Mommy

To All My Family, D-Moms, D-Friends and Supporters,

The last 2 years have been a roller coaster and I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for hopping on the coaster with me and laughing and screaming with me along the way. I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have such a strong support system that became my backbone. I will be forever greatful for the love you all gave unconditionally!

THANK YOU!

This is also my 500th post! Anyone posting to this post will automatically be entered into a drawing for a prize that shows some "Love from VA". The winner will be announced on Sunday :)

Funny For The Day

We are all in need of a giggle at one time or another. My giggle happened today and it was Kacey that gave it to me (like she usually does!)

We were in Walmart and we had to use the bathroom (thank you hig blood sugar) so we go to the bathroom and Kacey got out before I did and she washed her hands and I heard the dryer running. She has NEVER liked the hand dryer but today she was forced to use it. I came out of the bathroom and the conversation went like this...

Kacey: Mom, you have to use the dryer because the paper towels are out.
Me: OK, hang on (washing my hands)
Kacey: Or you can pay 25 cents for a napkin
Me: (drying my hands and looking over at her) Huh?
Kacey: (pointing to the sanitary napkin dispenser) See! It's only 25 cents but I don't know why they have napkins in with "Tapeons" (tampons)
Me: (giggling to tears) TAPE ONS?
Kacey: What is a tapeon Mom? Do you tape it on when you have your period?
Me: (walking out the bathroom trying to keep a straight face and giggling)

OMG! This child asks questions that Kay NEVER asked!! So then I explained that the "napkins" are "sanitary napkins" which is another word for "Pads" for her period. She giggled and then told my Mom they had "Sanitation napkins" in the bathroom and those things you "Tape On". HAHAHAHA!!! Only my child!!!

So then we're still giggling about it on the way home and she was getting loud and I told her to "Calm down." and she said "I think I need my medicaid." She meant to say "I need my medication." HAHAHAHA! So that caused another gigglefest :)

Laughter is the BEST medicine...especially when it's your child that makes you laugh!

POST- 499 :)

SODA CAN CHANGED!

It's been almost a year since we first discovered the Food Lion soda can colors were so close. It's been almost a year that my Mom fought to get the can color changed and it's now OFFICIAL...they changed the can color! For those of you that are not familiar with what I am talking about... you can view the emails HERE

This is a photo of what the cans looked like.

My Mom argued the point that to a child that couldn't read, these cans looked so similar that they could easily pick up the wrong can and it could be fatal!

Now....THE CHANGE....here is Mom with the new can color that she fought a YEAR to get switched!

Here are all 3 cans together.

We saved these for Kacey and she made a copy of the emails so Kacey would always know how hard her "Nae-Nae" fought to change the color of a can of soda to keep her safe.

THANK YOU Mom for being persistant and emailing the management and getting this switch for us. THANK YOU from all the D-parents out there that no longer have to worry about their kids picking up the wrong can of soda.

Bloggers Block

I've been suffering from a severe case of "Bloggers Block". It's not that I don't have anything to write about. I do. I just can't seem to find the time to do anything at this computer unless it involves updating my Facebook status or uploading pictures. With summer here, it makes things even worse! I wanna be in the pool and living up my new found social life.

Yep...my new found social life...the one I lost 11 years ago when I made the decision to become a stay at home Mom. When Kacey was born, I became a hermit. I stayed at home with a new baby and if I did go anywhere, it was to get groceries or to help at Kayleigh's school. Over the years, I isolated myself from friends and chose to stay at home when everyone else was going out. I was in fulltime "mother" mode. When I made the decision to go back to work at the school, it was the best thing I could have ever done for myself! I made new friends...caught up with old ones...and became the social butterfly that I used to be. It felt good...REALLY GOOD! Since school let out, I've found myself going places EVERY day and doing things with my girls AND my friends. I love it! So please forgive me for not blogging.

Another reason for my bloggers block...Diabetes has taken a back seat. We don't let it rule our world like we used to. We go on about the day...handle the highs and the lows...and it's become "normal" for us. Kacey hasn't been sick for a while now and even though her numbers still ping from 400's to 80's...there haven't been any changes in her ratio or doses. We just kinda...live life. Next week is our 2 year mark and I feel like we've just gotten to a point where we've finally accepted things. I can't control this disease and I refuse to let it control us. Like Kacey says..."We just roll with the flow."

I am happy to report that she's tried some new site territory. She moved closer to the front of her tummy (one fist from her belly button like recommended). She was scared. I was scared. But in the end, she got some GREAT numbers! She let me do it a few times and then we moved to the hip again and she cried because she didn't like it back there. At one time, that was the only place we could do sites! She's come such a long way :)

We are planning our first vacation since Kacey was diagnosed. This will be the first time we've gone out of town and I'll admit I am a bit nervous. Even though we are only going a few hours away, it's still a trip and we will be gone for 4 days. We are going to NC to the beach. Yeah, another thing I am nervous about! We haven't attempted the beach since she got Herbie and I have tons of questions about it that I will save for another post. I have so much to say that I will be breaking it up in a few posts ;) Anyway, we are getting a beach house with my best friend and her family so it will be LOADS of fun! Climbing Jockey's Ridge...my butt in the sand...ocean water...Putt-Putt...Brew Thru....YESSSSSS it's a long overdue trip for us :)

I will end this post with a good note. BOTH girls ended up on Honor Roll by the end of the year! Kacey got 2 A's and 3 B's and Kayleigh got 4 A's and 4 B's! Oh and to mention, Kacey missed 24 days of school and STILL made it on Honor Roll :) Quite an accomplishment I'd say! The both also passed their SOL's. Kacey passed 2 and got pass-advanced on 1. Kayleigh passed both of hers. What does this mean? I am now the Mommy of an 11th grader and a 5th grader!!! SCARY!

This post is 497...3 more til 500 and I've got a PRIZE in store ;)