Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Train Wreck

Thats how I feel things have been lately...a complete train wreck! I can never find the time I need to catch up anymore and when I do, it's usually a run on Facebook or uploading some quick pics to share so I don't feel like I've lost complete contact with everyone.

I think this is the longest I've been without blogging since Kacey was diagnosed and I do have good reason but I feel like it's a constant struggle to find that free time to sit and clear my head. How did I ever find it before? Well it's simple...when I would blog through the day, I was a depressed Mommy that was dwelling on the fact that my child had diabetes and I felt like I was constantly battling with myself. So what changed? Well...one little thing called LIFE! I started dragging myself out of the house...spending time with friends, doing things with the girls and pretty soon...diabetes was no longer something I dwelled on. It wasn't at the front of my mind constantly anymore. Sure, we still had our daily struggles but for some reason they were just...normal. Yeah, NORMAL...a word I never thought would be in my vocabulary again! I found that our family was completely settled into a new normal and we were just living life.

Now for our updates...whew it's been a while!

Kacey is doing great! We still have our daily battles with blood sugars but for the most part, she's doing well. Her A1c is finally coming back down and we're not having regular 300-400 range sugars anymore. She's having an amazing year in 5th grade so far. She loves all 3 of her teachers and the year hasn't been as demanding as the last 2 years. Or is it and we're just so used to diabetes now and it's not a battle? I'm not sure! Either way...it's been a great year! She rarely even sees the nurse anymore unless it's for a headache. We will be getting report cards soon so we'll see how well shes actually doing! She got off to a rocky start since she had her surgery only 2 weeks into school and then on Oct 2nd (at her sisters 16th bday party) she fell while running around with pantyhose on and she broke her arm! The same arm she just had surgery on! Other than that, she's doing well and we're thankful!

Kayleigh is having an amazing year! She's got Honor Roll so far and she is just beaming in her Culinary class this year. Having a passionate teacher that pushes her and actually teaches her has really made her blossom and she's found her passion again. It's wonderful to see the smile on her face and see her wanting to prepare the dishes she's made in class. She's reconsidering going to Culinary school after graduation and it just makes my heart so happy! Her 16th birthday party was a HUGE hit. She had a Hollywood theme party and she was very surprised when my brother walked in! He flew in from Hawaii to be there for her. AMAZING time!

As for me...I'm still working in the school as much as I can and then on my free days I'm usually volunteering or actually getting my house clean. It's a daily chore! LOL! I've had the chance to visit with my brother since he has been here for a few weeks with the military. I miss him and his family being close. Time is flying by so fast and the kids are growing up and we're getting older and it's been nice to just spend some fun time with him. He just found out he made Warrant Officer so we're hoping that his next job assignment will bring him back to the East Coast! :)

So now that I've updated...I've gotta share something I'm feeling pretty guilty over. We had planned to do the JDRF walk this year and then when we found out about Kacey's bone tumor, I hit a bit of a depression. I went through a terrible issue of insomnia and actually felt like I was having an out of body experience. I wasn't myself :( I cried. I didn't sleep. I had a hard time eating. I didn't raise awareness. I didn't fundraise. I just exisited. That being said...once Kacey's surgery was over, I was left with the "OMG! I still have a 16th Bday party to finish planning and carrying out." and I went into party plan mode. Once again, not thinking about the walk. Then, Kacey broke her arm at the party and that threw a monkey wrench into things. October crept up fast! I got a call from the JDRF coordinator. "Hi Jill! This is xxxx from JDRF. I'm just calling to make sure everything is OK because last year you all had the biggest team in our area and raised a huge amount of money and this year you're not registered." OK ***tears*** THAT made me feel even worse! Yeah I know we had the biggest team but somehow that thing called LIFE got in the way again and I just couldn't juggle it all myself. So, we didn't walk :( Last Saturday was the walk and to keep from more tears, I drove the long way around so we didn't drive past it. Sure, I could have shown up with just our family and walked. But the guilt of not raising the funds or the awareness over the last few months really got to me. I explained to Kacey WHY we didn't do it. Sometimes when you try and be SuperMom, you just can't do it all! And I might be a SuperMom but this time....I failed. So...theres always next year, right? :)

Also, I wanted to express my deepest sympathy to the family of the little girl that just passed away from diabetes complications. I can't even begin to imagine the greif you're going through right now but I pray that God will lay his hand upon you and you will find peace. Sending you love and hugs from VA. <3 RIP Sweet Girl E <3

3 comments:

Jennifer said...

I was glad to see a post from you today! Made me smile.
I wanted to say that it is OK to not be superwoman!!! Life gets in the way and you just do what you have to do to survive. I have to tell you that I think it's great that you had the biggest team last year and that you raised alot of money, but not doing it this year is ok. I have to confess and tell you that Courtney has been diabetic for almost 6 yrs now and we have never walked. This year I raised a little bit of money, but didn't walk. This might sound crazy, but I just can't bring myself to throw myself into it. I think deep down I'm still pissed off that she has this disease. Who knows!!!!!
Hang in there and know that the rest of us moms are here!
~Hugs~ Jen

meanderings said...

Just reading your posts on FB exhausts me. I don't know HOW you do EVERYTHING you do.
Just keep being a great mom and everything else will be there waiting for you.

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