Diabetic Meltdown

Once again, I had to miss out on the fun of chat. I'm so bummed!! :( It seems like something always happens and I can't have time to myself to just sit and chat.

I decided to get my bath at dinner time (yeah wrong move but I was REALLY needing a bubble bath ALONE! I'll explain more about the stress once I am able to blog about it.) and Kacey figured up her carbs on her own. This is something she does and has done since she was diagnosed. Usually she has me going behind her and totalling to make sure she's right. She's ALWAYS right. So what made me think last night would be any different? She can total carbs....she's fine! I'd done her site change before dinner. She was in million dollar real estate so I knew she'd have some good numbers showing up....especially since I'd popped the top on a new bottle of insulin. When it was time for bedtime snack, she tested and was mad to find a 379 looking back at her. WTF?!?! Where did that come from? She didn't have a high carb meal that would spike her like that. I scrolled back through her pump....Ummm.....31 dinner carbs? She had a MSF Chik patty on a bun with mayo and a snack bag of chips.... 20 + 16 + 15 = 51 .... what happened??? SHE FORGOT THE BUN!!!! She had an instant meltdown. I mean....BIG tears and crying hysterically! This one was one of the worst yet.

WHY? Why was she so upset?

Diabetes had won :( For once she made a mistake....her body paid the price...and now she wasn't going to be able to eat the new ice cream she had picked out. Why did I feel so guilty? I should have counted behind her. I shouldn't have made her do it herself and then she wouldn't of made the mistake. I tossed around the idea of saying "F*#% YOU Diabetes!" and doing a heavy correction and letting her have the ice cream but then I'd feel worse if she went really high then. So we all made her a deal....NONE of us would have the new ice cream until she was able to have some too. Kayleigh felt really bad for her and she kept telling her that she would have the same low carb snack because she wouldn't eat something in front of her. After lots of talking and even more tears, we got her settled down and we all ate cheese sticks and peanuts for snack.

After she'd settled herself, I sat back down with her and asked her WHY she was so upset? Her response....Because I made a mistake and made my blood sugar go high. UGH! She was blaming herself for the high and it was NOT because I'd told her she couldn't have the ice cream. She's too freaking young to have to deal with this and I was having a "FU D" moment. I explained that it was ok to have mistakes but from now on we just need to make sure we count everything on her plate and I told her I'd help her total so she didn't have to do it. She looked at me and replied, "It's ok Mom, I really can do it." Ahhhhhhh! Give her responsibility and then try and take it back and she gets offended. So I told her I'd just do it secretly to make sure she was right like I've been doing and we could do a High-5 if she got it right. Whew!

Sorry for missing most of chat again :(