Friday, July 10, 2009

Thinking Back

I sat here thinking today about the events leading up to Kacey's diagnosis. The more I thought, the sicker my tummy felt. My baby was so very sick and I had no clue that diabetes was the culprit.

We went shopping with my Mom today. It dawned on me, this time ONE year ago, we were doing the same thing. We'd gone shopping and Kacey ate breakfast and was so sick at her stomach afterward. Today as we were shopping, I thought about when she was sick and how we walked around and she complained about her tummy. We went out for lunch with Mom today and afterward she complained about her tummy again....exactly what she did a year ago. I asked her to sit down and test her blood sugar. She was up to a 247 and that wasn't too bad since she ate 2 hours prior. She was a 134 before she ate. She still had insulin on board so I waited. She continued to cry about her tummy. The chilling words she spoke still haunted me like they did a year ago... "Mommy, I feel like I'm going to throw up." Crap! I remember her saying that but we didn't know. How could we know? This time...we DO know! I had her recheck again 2 hours later....445! OMG! Correct! Ugh...she's had Subway before and she's been fine. Could her site be bad? Only time will tell. The word DIABETES weighed on my mind all afternoon. When it was time for dinner, I had a smack of reality hit me. Kacey asked to eat and she went into the kitchen. She wasn't very hungry and just wanted a light dinner. I stood there watching her as she counted out 4 vegetarian chik nuggets, 20 chips and 1/4 cup of peanuts. Something about her counting just made me well up with tears. Her life is always going to be about counting. Counting carbs. Counting for servings. Gone are the days when she can reach in for a handful of something! Gone are the days when she can just grab a snack without thinking about how many carbs, will it make her spike, will she get "sugar sick"? For that moment, I felt sad inside. I felt like she'd been cheated. But I snapped out of it as quick as I snapped in it when Kacey turned to me and said "Mommy, it's 45 carbs and my sugar is a 121 and I already dosed and I dont need a correction." *sigh* (BTW, it's not the site...it was Subway!) In a year, she's come so far. She's only 9 years old but she can check her sugar, add her carbs, count her chips, dose herself and still do it all with a smile! It's become nothing but natural to her. All the worrying I did about her being upset about knowing what life was like before diabetes and she doesn't really remember life before. Every now and then she will say, "Mommy remember when I used to eat that candy? It will make me so sick if I eat it now!" Sadly, she knows how sick it really will make her because we've tried to let her eat the sweet stuff and she gets a tummy ache. She chooses to just stay away from those things now.

July 15th is coming fast.....I'm planning something special for her :)

July 20th will mark my 1yr Blog Anniversary as well!

More reflections to come.....

8 comments:

Amy said...

Those memories are tough! I'm sure this next week will be full of lots of reflection and tears! So much to be thankful for as well! Can't wait to hear what you have planned for sweet Kacey!

Cherise said...

Thank you for sharing. Wow, 9 years old and she can do all that:) that's amazing:)

Shannon said...

Oh my that gave me the chills. I had those same thoughts this week! I wish you all the best as your celebrate this last year of your life! Thank you for helping us all and being there through all of our journeys!

Wendy said...

I feel like we were approaching our 1st year as if it was yesterday. And now we're approaching 4.

Look how far you've come! I'm so proud of Kacey -- give her a big hug from AZ...and mom too :)

Rachel said...

I know those feeling. :( But in both of our cases, the kids adjust better than the parents! LOL I still have my moments when I want to scream and cry and race against the disease.... Tristan... not so much. He was much younger than Kacey when he was diagnosed. He really doesn't know life without diabetes.

Kacey has come a long way and it's amazing how responsible she is towards her diabetes. Kudos kid! :) Keep up the great work.

Shamae said...

The 1 yr anniversary does come with so many emotions. You guys have done super since then. Way to shine!

marie said...

To look at the bright side of things...you are both doing an amazing job!
In a way it's lucky that Kacey has been diagnosed at a time when the technology is at the top, the awareness is growing and help is out there! And as I always say to myself..."It could have been something worse...you can live a normal life with diabetes"
I also believe that diabetes is not all bad...it's going to make Kacey a very responsible young girl, who will ironically be more healthy than most of her friends!
So keep up the good work and all best.

Minnesota Nice said...

.....sigh.
Yes indeed - celebrate strength, courage and wisdom - and all the technology we have and the new developments yet to come.
Kacey is a great kiddo with a great family. May you have many blessing ahead!