I sat here thinking today about the events leading up to Kacey's diagnosis. The more I thought, the sicker my tummy felt. My baby was so very sick and I had no clue that diabetes was the culprit.
We went shopping with my Mom today. It dawned on me, this time ONE year ago, we were doing the same thing. We'd gone shopping and Kacey ate breakfast and was so sick at her stomach afterward. Today as we were shopping, I thought about when she was sick and how we walked around and she complained about her tummy. We went out for lunch with Mom today and afterward she complained about her tummy again....exactly what she did a year ago. I asked her to sit down and test her blood sugar. She was up to a 247 and that wasn't too bad since she ate 2 hours prior. She was a 134 before she ate. She still had insulin on board so I waited. She continued to cry about her tummy. The chilling words she spoke still haunted me like they did a year ago... "Mommy, I feel like I'm going to throw up." Crap! I remember her saying that but we didn't know. How could we know? This time...we DO know! I had her recheck again 2 hours later....445! OMG! Correct! Ugh...she's had Subway before and she's been fine. Could her site be bad? Only time will tell. The word DIABETES weighed on my mind all afternoon. When it was time for dinner, I had a smack of reality hit me. Kacey asked to eat and she went into the kitchen. She wasn't very hungry and just wanted a light dinner. I stood there watching her as she counted out 4 vegetarian chik nuggets, 20 chips and 1/4 cup of peanuts. Something about her counting just made me well up with tears. Her life is always going to be about counting. Counting carbs. Counting for servings. Gone are the days when she can reach in for a handful of something! Gone are the days when she can just grab a snack without thinking about how many carbs, will it make her spike, will she get "sugar sick"? For that moment, I felt sad inside. I felt like she'd been cheated. But I snapped out of it as quick as I snapped in it when Kacey turned to me and said "Mommy, it's 45 carbs and my sugar is a 121 and I already dosed and I dont need a correction." *sigh* (BTW, it's not the site...it was Subway!) In a year, she's come so far. She's only 9 years old but she can check her sugar, add her carbs, count her chips, dose herself and still do it all with a smile! It's become nothing but natural to her. All the worrying I did about her being upset about knowing what life was like before diabetes and she doesn't really remember life before. Every now and then she will say, "Mommy remember when I used to eat that candy? It will make me so sick if I eat it now!" Sadly, she knows how sick it really will make her because we've tried to let her eat the sweet stuff and she gets a tummy ache. She chooses to just stay away from those things now.
July 15th is coming fast.....I'm planning something special for her :)
July 20th will mark my 1yr Blog Anniversary as well!
More reflections to come.....