Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Renewed Faith

I've never been a very religious person. I believe in God. I pray. But I've never really found a church home that we've stayed in.

I grew up with a Catholic mother and a Baptist father. They were married Catholic and I attended a Catholic church until I was 8. I made my First Communion and then we moved off the military base we lived on and the church was "too far to drive to on a Sunday" (according to my father) We lived in a county with only one Catholic church and my parents didn't like that one so we never went back. It wasn't until I met Frankie in 1996 that I wanted to go back to church. Kayleigh was 2 and I remember how much I loved church as a child. We chose a local Methodist church. Catholic, Baptist, Methodist, Presbyterian...what religion the church was wasn't an issue with me....I just wanted some place I could go on Sunday and worship the Lord. Frankie and I were married in that church in 1999. About 6 months after we married, the pastor got a job in another state and a new pastor took over. I felt "lost" again. The new pastor talked in monotone and it was everything I could do to make it through an hour service. We eventually stopped going. Every Sunday I would wish I was with a "church family" or doing things with the church. Then one Saturday in 2001, we were driving home from a day out and we passed the little country church 1/4 mile from our house. I turned to Frankie and said "I wonder whats inside there?" He wasn't sure what I was talking about at first and I replied with "that little country church". He smiled and said "I don't know but we could find out tomorrow morning!" And that's exactly what we did. We got up early that next morning and dressed for church. Kayleigh was 6 and Kacey was 1. When I walked through those doors, it was the prettiest country church I'd ever seen. I looked around and noticed we were the youngest couple sitting there and there were no other children. Was this the right place for us? We were welcomed with open arms by members old enough to be our parents and grandparents. They were so nice and very thrilled to see "young" people in the church. We eventually became members, all 4 of us were baptised there and then in 2006 we stopped going again. The church went through some "political turmoil" and there was a lot of tension that was feeding through to the members and I wasn't comfortable there anymore. Over those few years, I taught Sunday school and was very involved with trying to get children in the church but we couldn't get them to come regularly. So, we haven't been involved with any church since then. But that doesn't mean I don't believe in God. It doesn't mean I don't pray. It doesn't mean I don't talk to my girls about God and the importance of prayer. I still do all of those things.

So all that being said, yesterday I was having a bit of a rocky morning. Kacey woke up with a tummy ache...blood sugar was only a 164. She was grumpy and I knew I had errands to run and then be back to her school to decorate and hang the backdrop for the Spring Musical tonight. I finally get her motivated and she eats breakfast. I threw on some jeans and a worn tshirt (since I knew I was going to be decorating). We get to school at 8:30am....she goes to class and I leave to go to the bank and to make that dreaded house payment. As I'm driving, I end up having a Mommy Meltdown. Sometimes I find myself trying so hard to maintain a perfect balance in my life and please everyone around me that I forget to think about myself. I go to the bank...make the house payment...and as I'm driving back home I start getting this really discouraged feeling. I went through all the crap getting certified to be a substitute in Kacey's school but I still had not been called to sub. I had spoke to one of the other girls who happens to be a VERY good friend of mine before I dropped Kacey off at school and she went on to explain to me that the jobs that she is doing now are ones she had lined up over a month ago and it's taken her a solid year to really get going and gain confidence to speak up for the jobs. But still....I was discouraged. I've had a relationship with this school for 10 years now. I volunteer about 10-15 hours a week (sometimes more). But I still had not been asked to sub. I end up at the stoplight and I'm looking up at the sun that is just beginning to peek through the clouds and outloud I say .... "Lord, I've worked so hard all my life. I've struggled through some rough times. I've done everything ever asked of me and I'm feeling very discouraged right now. All I want is to try and work at least 5 days a month. Those 5 days would give me the freedom to never have to worry about us not being able to afford Kacey's insulin and diabetes supplies. My biggest fear is not having enough money to cover those and that is the ONLY reason I want to work." As I talked to God, I cried. I cried because I'm scared. I cried because I'm worried about financial stability. I cried because I really have worked hard to be who I am today and I don't want to have to struggle and have the worry and stress. I cried because I'm just frustrated. "Please God, lay your hand upon me and take this worry off my heart. I'm giving everything over to you and I have faith you will hear my prayer. Amen." The light turned green and I drove about 2 miles. As I passed Kacey's school, my phone rang. I didn't recognize the number and I almost hit the silent button until something said "Answer it!" When I answered it said "Hello, this is Subfinder. Please enter your PIN now. We have a job opening today from 10am-4pm." I looked at the clock... 9:30am. OMG! I clicked accept and raced home to change clothes. As I was driving, it smacked me like a cast iron frying pan....my prayer was heard!!! This is my first sub job!! I was back at the school by 10am, ready to start the day! I was given the sub notebook, spent the day with a wonderful Kindergarten teacher & class and when it was time for me to go one of the other teachers asked me if I would be willing to work 3 days for her toward the end of the month. HOLY COW! Talk about a blessing! That will give me 4 days for Feb :) Renewed faith? You bet! I can't tell you how many times I said a "Thank You" yesterday. As for the decorating and the backdrop....it did get done thanks to Lyn & Deanna and I didn't have to stress over it because I knew it would get done with no complaints by either of them! (They're great!)

Some people might call that "Coincidence" ....but I call it "An answered prayer"!


Rachel said...

Jill I'm so happy for you!!! That's wonderful news.

Honestly, I think that this weather has been affecting everybody! I'm also in a runt right now and dissatisfied with just about everything. I want more out of life. Your post actually made me smile and know that I'm not alone!

Enjoy your days at school... and honestly, I think it's only the beginning for you. Good things are going to come your way :)

melissa said...

That's great news :]

Hopefully more opportunities will come up for you soon.