Friday, December 12, 2008


I had a horrible nightmare last night that kept me up most of the night! I was reading one of the blogs yesterday about waking up and finding your child dead. Thats ALWAYS been a fear of mine! Since Kacey's diagnosis, it's gotten worse. When I wake up every morning, I tiptoe to Kacey's room and I ease my hand to touch her sound sleeping body....just to feel that she's warm! Then I test her blood sugar while she is asleep. I hold my breath until I see the number and most of the time it's high anyway but I can't shake that feeling of her waking up really low. brain must have been in overload after I read the post....

(keep in mind this is a DREAM)
In my dream, it was bedtime and I gave Kacey her insulin and put her to bed. I woke up to do a middle of the night check and her meter said 64. Wow! So I looked at the clock and it said 1:11 and I knew if I didn't give her anything to bring it back up then she would continue to go low and she had nearly 5 hours before it was time to wake up. I had her drink some juice and I went back to bed. On my way back to my room, I passed the dining room table where Kaceys supplies were laying and it was then that one of my worst fears had happened! The Humalog pen was laying out with the lid off. I gave her 13 units of Humalog instead of Lantus!!!! I started freaking out and went into a panic state and it was then that my husband felt that I was having a nightmare and woke me up!

It took me a long time to get back to a restful state. I'm always so afraid that I am going to give Kacey the wrong insulin. The Humalog and Lantus are both in the pens and even though one is blue and one is gray...I still use a sharpie marker and write DAY and NIGHT on them. Its for my own peace of mind to make sure when I get the pen that I see it written. I also write the date we opened it so I know 30 days from then we have to trash whatever is left.

Anyway...amazing what your imagination can do to you!


Scott K. Johnson said...

Yikes, that is a scary dream. I can totally see how it took a while to get back to a restful state.

Cara said...

I would be so scared too. I can understand being so worried. But, just so you know, I gave myself Novolog one time instead of Lantus. I was in my early 20s, living alone. And luckily I realized it SOON and was able to go out and get a 2 liter of Mt. Dew. I drank about half of it.
So, heaven forbid it happen, but if it did, you can fix it.
I hate it that you had a dream like that. It makes me want to ask my mom if she ever had dreams like that about me.

Jill said...

Scott- I just kept running through my head ... "What would I do if that happened?" and my biggest concern was "What if I didnt have enough sugary stuff in the house to bring her back up?" Ugh! It just gave me this terrible feeling!

Cara- OMG How scary!!! Especially living alone :( could have been MUCH worse if you hadn't realized what you did!!! I'm sure all Moms have dreams and even conscious thoughts about things like this. Its only natural to worry :( The conscious thoughts I can talk around inside my head but when they go into dreams it was just way to scary!