Dare I?

Dare I even say that things are going RIGHT in our life for once?

Dare I say that Kacey's meter average for the last 14 days is 145?

Dare I say that life seems to be peaceful at this moment?

Dare I?

Well I am! Things just seem to be going...well....GOOD (for once!). With the exception of a few 50-60 lows, Kacey's numbers seem to have settled down and I know I'll probably jinx myself since our Endo appt. is next week...LOL! But I just wanted to boast a little about my new happiness.

So many D-days are filled with trials, challenges and never ending battles, that when you finally seem to have a calm week, you have a chance to smile and thank the D-monster for allowing you a chance to recharge your batteries.

As I sit here and think about this new found peace in my life, I can't help but wonder if it could have been there all along and I chose not to see it? So many times when we're struggling, we choose to focus on the problems instead of giving it to God, right? Why worry? Why hold these feelings inside? Why battle the internal struggles?

Over the last few months, I've had the opportunity to spiritually connect with my daughter. Yeah, sounds funny, huh? And I'm sure you're asking HOW can you live in the same household, go to church on Sundays, yet never spiritually connect? Well it happens! When you don't stay in the Word and talk with your kids about God then there is no way to ever fully connect on that level. I've been blessed to be a part of something very special in Kayleigh's life. I've been witness to her spiritual growth, WITHOUT me directing her. She finally "gets it"! So many things have helped her get to this point. I think the cookbook project she did had a huge impact. She saw first hand how precious life is and how strong faith could be. She also began surrounding herself with friends that were believing the same thing she is. She made a commitment to herself NOT to date any boys over her Senior year and instead focus on school and her business. She got more involved with our church youth group. She's been praying more and keeping a prayer journal. She carries her Bible to school and when there is extra time, she READS it in class! She's maturing and understanding how important it is to read her Bible and talk to God. So in doing that, I've been held accountable as her mother to make sure that I'm able to answer questions she might have and if I don't know the answer then we find them together. That had led to a connection we've never experienced before. It's not a connection I have with Kacey yet because she is still too young to fully understand it all. Thats not a bad thing but it means that when she is finally ready then I will be too! Each day, Kayleigh opens her Bible and writes a verse on a piece of paper and puts it in her pocket. It might be something that was laying on her heart and it might be something out of the blue and later that day God lets her know why she chose that verse (like the Job 9:10 verse for Meri) and then other times it's just a verse and she might not know who or what it's for but God does. She's connected with our pastor's wife and she told her she was reading her Bible from the beginning (which got very difficult when we reached Noah) but she told Kayleigh to dive into the books ending in -IANS and thats a GREAT place to start! She's now found that Phillipians 4:6-7 is now her favorite verse above Proverbs 4:5.

 How true is this? For EVERYTHING we do in life....marriage, parenting, work, diabetes...all of it! Why are we anxious about anything? If we give it to God and let Him take care of it then there is a new found peace. 

So why was I not ready for this? Why didn't I know this verse? Why wasn't this one I had memorized in my memory bank? Because I really hadn't journeyed into my Bible like I should have. I wasn't giving God the time He deserved. I could have used this sooooooo many times in the last 18 years! Over the last year and a half I've been dabbling in my Bible but over the last few months I've devoted the time to God and a new found peace has been my blessing. It's been kinda weird to feel like this because it's a journey I've never taken before. I'm not even sure why it too so long but it's a nice feeling.

I feel like our household is much more peaceful. LOL! Yeah, I know! You're thinking....yeah right! But it really is. My marriage is getting stronger and we're not fussing at one another like we used to. I mean, we fussed over petty things like dirt on the floor, dishes in the sink, who was getting up for 2am checks, clothes not folded right, you know those stupid little things that we nit pick over. We're taking evening walks and even holding hands. We've been talking about the future. We're thinking about selling our house and buying a house with all the bells and whistles that we wanted when we were first starting out back in 1998. We bought our house because of the location and property and then we added on to it but we've outgrown it and it's time for something new. It's been nice to sit together and make that "dream plan" that we did when we were dating. We lay in bed watching TV and we hold hands. We chase one another around the house and laugh and giggle hysterically while our girls watch us and think we're nuts. We're making time to spend together as a family. We're now in a financial position that we can breathe a little. The girls both have STRAIGH A's in school and they're doing great. Diabetes days don't seem all that bad anymore. We deal with the day we're dealt one day at a time. Life just doesn't seem that bad anymore. I don't feel like Dorothy in the tornado....I feel like Glenda in Munchkin Land!

Has it been an easy road? NOWAY! Do I still have a long way to go? ABSOLUTELY! So WHAT happened? WHAT made things change? One thing changed.....we started putting GOD FIRST and everything else has fallen into place.

Now, I'm not saying that we don't have our battles....I'm not trying to say that at all. I'm saying that we're picking and choosing those battles and we let God stand beside us and fight them with us. We're standing strong in faith these days. It's been an uphill battle but we're seeing the top of the hill in sight instead of standing at the bottom and looking up.

And now, a giggle for the day.....

We started something new around the house this week and it seems to be REALLY working! The girls are both responsible for certain chores around the house. We've always said, "If everyone does their little job, then it makes life easier for us all!"  Over the last few months, I've let them slide with the chores and I end up picking up the slack and it's becoming too much again. So we had a "Family Meeting" and I told the girls and hubby that from now on....

For every chore not done, every dish left in the sink and every time the girls argue with one another (which they seem to have that love/hate sibling relationship...ya know the one!) ....so I'm going to charge a quarter for each one. I've got a money jar that counts the change and if they don't do a chore...it's a quarter. If they don't wash their dish...it's a quarter. If they fuss with one another...it's a quarter. They thought it was funny and I told them that they wouldn't get any warnings because they're both old enough to be "responsible" and I don't ask much of them but I do expect them to pull their weight around the house during the week so we're not spending the weekend doing it all. The weekend will be spent doing something fun. We laughed about it for a moment and then I told them to get done what they needed to. I started cooking dinner and when I came out of the kitchen....the laundry was folded, the living room was picked up, their beds were made and rooms picked up and they were both sitting on the floor pairing the socks from the sock basket. YIKES!!! I smiled and thanked them for getting it done. We had dinner and later that evening the girls were watching TV and Kayleigh snapped at Kacey for something and Kacey responded, "Do you want me to make you give Mom a quarter? Don't be mean to me!" Frankie and I were in the other room and we giggled quietly because they were working it out without coming to us and "tattling". And now the deal....on the weekend, if there is less than $2.00 in the jar then Mommy & Daddy will add $20 to it and we can do something fun. If there is more than $2.00 in the jar then Mommy & Daddy will get to take it out and put it in another jar for us to spend. If they chose to keep the $20 in the jar instead of spending it that week, then they could and save it for something big. Good deal, huh? As of last night, the jar is still empty ;)

Have a great weekend!

Good Grief!

As DMoms, we are always looking for support. We long to network with people who "get it", people who understand what we go through daily. Even if we've been doing this for years, it's always refreshing to speak with someone that has those breakdowns, those frustrations, those people we can "do life" with. We're wired to share with others and it certainly helps to have someone that can say, "I've been there, I've done that, and no you're not a freak because you cry all day and you're jealous of those couples that can have a life outside of having a child with a chronic illness." It's hard! And there is no one that struggles with parenting a child with diabetes that will tell you "our life is all rainbows and pots of gold." There are days diabetes life doesn't seem difficult and other days it downright SUCKS!

We're nearing Kacey's 4 year Diabetes Anniversary and it's around this time that I always start thinking back to what we were doing this time before the dreaded day. She was sick, she'd been sick and we didn't know those symptoms. When she was diagnosed, I was alone. I had NO ONE to turn to. Not one single friend completely understood what I was going through. The phrase, "Awww I'm sorry, she'll outgrow it as she gets older" swirled through my head like a raging fire. I actually felt my skin crawl when someone would say that to me. I'd cry, I'd get angry, I'd scream at God for putting my family through this and I'd meltdown like that Wicked Witch of the West on Wizard of Oz. What was my world coming to?

As time passed, I was able to take a step back and I understood completely what I was going through and if I didn't go through the exact process then I'd never "heal" completely. We'd suffered a loss. No matter how you look at it, it's a loss.

A loss of a pancreas. A loss of a life. A loss of a normal day. A loss of a normal marriage. A loss of a healthy child. A loss of money. A loss of self.

I'd never suffered a loss like this. How was I going to deal with it and make my life as normal as it could be under the circumstances?

I had to identify my problem....GRIEF. I was grieving and really not aware that I was. I felt like I'd failed as a mother, as a wife, as a caregiver and I just wanted to crawl in a hole and never come out. The loss was consuming me and I let it beat me around for months. And then....I woke up and started to apply those "stages".

There are 5 stages to GRIEF.

STAGE 1- DENIAL & ISOLATION
Although I wasn't openly denying Kacey had diabetes, I still kept holding hope those those few little beta cells left alive would somehow regenerate and she'd be miraculously cured and this was all a dream. I'd isolated myself from all my friends. Why? You'd think I'd pull them closer so I could lean on them, right? But doing that would be admitting I was weak. It would be admitting I was failing and needed help. I had to show the strong face and walk tall. MISTAKE! I should have drawn them close and let them help carry me and admit my weakness. I set myself up for falling and it led to MANY "Mommy meltdowns".

STAGE 2- ANGER
Ohhhh boy was I ever angry! Angry at myself. Angry with the doctors. Angry with God. I was mean, irritable and it seemed like every little thing set me off. I was miserable! I seemed to cry all the time and I lashed out out of frustration. "Why was God punishing our family? Why did WE have to go through this? What did she do to deserve this suffering?" I was tired. I wanted to give up and just give in but somehow that little voice inside me...maybe that whisper from God...telling me GET YOUR BUTT UP AND MOVE IT! You ARE strong now SHOW it! I pushed through blogging, many times through tears. No one around me seemed to understand, not even my husband. I still felt so alone. There were several around me that tried to understand but until you live it, you can't fully understand what swirls through a DMoms head in a days time and then they wonder WHY we can't sleep. I mean, geesh, we MUST be exhausted after a day of caring for them, right? Ummm....HELL YEAH we're exhausted BUT who is going to get up at 11pm, 2am and 6am to make sure that their child is still breathing? Who is going to get up and sit up when their child has a severe low just to make sure they're in safe range and stay there? Who is going to get up and sit awake when their child's sugar is dangerously high and correct with insulin every 2 hours until they're back in range? A DMOM DOES! I had every right to be angry. I never got a break....NEVER! Even when my husband said he'd do the middle of the night check, I still set my alarm to make sure he woke up and then I'd lay there to make sure he checked her and I'd ask what her sugar was. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to rest. Sure, I didn't physically get out of the bed but I was still awake which led to tiring days again. Yep, I was angry!

STAGE 3- BARGAINING
Yes I did that...MANY TIMES! "God, please put this on me and don't make her suffer through it. I will do anything to take it away." "Maybe if we choose no carb meals or low carb meals then she won't need so much insulin and she won't have to have a shot." "I promise to do anything if you just cure her God." I did my fair share of pleading, begging, bargaining, whatever you want to call it. I would do just about anything to take this away from her and get our "normal" life back. And then the part where I blamed myself. "If only I'd seen the symptoms sooner", "If only I'd taken her to the emergency room", "If only I'd saw that she was drinking way too much". The "If only's" flooded my brain and consumed me. Which then led to....

STAGE 4- DEPRESSION
If you'd asked me then if I was depressed, I'd say "Nope!" and smile like it didn't bother me but inside it tore me up and inside out. I was depressed and still very angry. To the point that I probably could have easily been medicated if I'd sought help. With depression comes so many things....in my case....the weight gain was the worst. I sat home, didn't eat and when I did it was a snack of something unhealthy and I was damaging my body inside. The weight creeped up and to the point it was out of control. I tipped the scales at my highest weight ever and it wasn't until I really had a reality smack that I saw what it was doing to me. I'm not going to say that I still don't suffer from some of it but I will say that the depression I had was NOTHING like today. I was miserable, alone, and at my lowest point ever in life. I felt like every single bit of life had been sucked out of me. Ya ever see the commercial from the depression medication where the lady is walking around and the black hole with eyes follows her? Or the one where she is wearing the blue robe with the sad eyes and she's carrying around the weight of everything on her shoulders? Yep! That was me! I felt like I was carrying the burdens of this disease and I had NO life and I'd completely stopped living mine. It was a nasty dark place in my life.

STAGE 5- ACCEPTANCE
Many times it takes people years to make it to this stage of the grieving process. It's tough to accept and sometimes people don't ever make it to this stage. Thankfully I have. Grieving is such an individual experience and no one can ever fully feel what you do. Nobody can help you go through it more easily or understand all the emotions that you’re going through. But others can be there for you and help comfort you through this whole process. The best thing you can do is to allow yourself to feel the grief as it comes over you. Resisting it only will prolong the natural process of healing. The steps to grieving are always the same but the emotions one feels will not be. I'm not sure when I totally accepted everything but there came a time when those meltdowns were not every day. Our life became a new "normal". I gained the ability to trust that someone other than me could take care of Kacey. I was able to leave and go to the grocery store for a few hours and not worry. I started making friends again and pulling them close. My REAL and TRUE friends tried to understand my daily life, sympathisized with what I was dealing with, understood when I had to cancel plans at the last minute and still loved me anyway. Those friends are still by my side to this day. They didn't leave me, they called to make sure we were ok after a few days of not hearing from us and even though I can't see them every single day, they're there when I need them.

And as I think back through the process, I wonder how I ever made it through? I had amazing family support, a great group of friends and the one who never left my side....GOD! He was there holding my hand when we were given the diagnosis. He stood there and smiled as I screamed at him for putting us through this. He cried with me as I pleaded and begged Him to give this disease to me. Yet, I chose to walk alone. I didn't have to! I only thought I was alone. He was there with me every single step of the way and all I had to do was ask Him to come into my life and help me through this process. Once I did that, my faith is what got me through. I needed Him and He was there. And if I'd opened my ears I'd of heard Him, "My child, I'm not doing this to punish you or Kacey. I'm making you stronger. I'm growing you in faith and knowledge. I'm helping you to see that life could be MUCH worse. I'm making you more compassionate, helpful and loving. If only you could see youself the way I see you. If only you could understand YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I am here, I never left and I never will."

And that my friends, was my turning point.

Now, I'm not going to sit here and say that our life is full of rainbows, pots of gold, unicorns and glitter....IT'S NOT! But I've accepted this life God gave me. I thank him for every day I wake up and put my feet on the floor. I thank him for giving me another day with these babies that are on "loan" to me. At any second, He could take all of that way from me. As Francesca says...."In the middle of my little mess, I forget how big I'm blessed!" We all tend to forget that life is so precious and we tend to dwell on the "poor me". I'm here to tell you my friend, this life is not about YOU! This life is about living it for HIM!

Now back to my point, we all need friends. We all need people we can "do life" with, people that are walking similar paths we are. People that can hold us accountable and hold our hands when we need it, even if it's long distance. When I first started blogging when Kacey was diagnosed, I had NO ONE! Then I found the DOC and all my DMamas and DPeeps. They "got it"! They understood why my hair was a mess, my teeth weren't brushed and I walked around like a Zombie with a cuppa coffee. I had the chance to be upheld by many wonerful people on here. I didn't have a local support group. There just weren't any close by since the hospital is an hour and a half away. There were a few kids in other schools, all boys and no Mamas that really wanted to "do diabetes life" with me. I've always longed to have a group of friends that Kacey could call her "DPeeps" and they could show off pumps and share stories of what they've been through. My hope is that as more children are diagnosed with this dreaded disease, that more Mamas come forward and reach out. My journey with diabetes is not over, we have good days, we have bad days and there are still times I wanna reach out to other DMamas that know those struggles and feel that pain. So to all those local Mamas that read this....let's get together and "do diabetes life". We can support one another along the way and our kids can be support to one another. After all, THEY are the ones that need it most. We go through it with them but unless you're a T1D yourself, you can't ever fully feel what their poor bodies do in a days time.

May God bless each of you as you journey through your "process" and may we all be support and help for those out there who need it!

Lotsa Love,

Happy 12th Birthday Kacey!

HAPPY 12th BIRTHDAY "MOOTSIE"!!

I can't believe 12 years have flown by already! This time, 12 years ago, I became a Mama for the last time. I knew it was our last baby. I knew I wasn't going to have anymore because of the complications we had. I knew it would only be 2 baby girls...this was it!

And now 12 years later, I'm the happiest Mama ever! Kacey Brooke, you make me laugh with your infectious giggle....you make me smile with your beautiful spirit....you make me wanna be the best Mama I could ever be! Your free spirit and the way you don't let the drama of the world get to you makes me jealous. I love how you don't let anything bother you, unless you know someone else is hurting, and then your compassion for them is amazing! You have such a kind heart and you're so selfless in your ways. Your daily struggles are beyond comprehension, yet you wake each day and smile your way through it. You've shown those around you how to LIVE with diabetes and you never cease to amaze me with things you come up with. I'm so blessed that God chose me to be your Mama and I'm thankful for every moment I spend being with you. My hope for you is that you keep your heart with God and He will direct your path for you. You're going to make an amazing Diabetes Educator someday!

I love you "Mootsie Tootsie"! Happy Birthday baby girl!!!

Miracles

It's taken me some time to get myself together enough to write this post. Everytime I begin to write, my heart overloads my brain and my face is flooded with tears. Maybe it's because this touches close to home? Yes. Maybe it's because I'm reminded of my own miracles? Yes. Maybe it's because I have a heart that feels the pain for my friends, even those I've never met? Yes. Maybe it's because I know the God I serve is an awesome God and answers prayers for those who trust and believe in Him? Yes.

All of the answers are yes but why does it seem so hard to write? Why do I get this lump form in my throat and have it followed by tears? It's difficult to explain emotion sometimes. All of us feel it but we all feel it in a different way.

Today is a special day.
Today is a day of prayer.
Today is when the entire world is asking God for a miracle.
Today the gates of Heaven have been bombarded with prayers of a miracle.
Today I share why we are making today special.

Two words....Ryan Schuhmacher.

I met Meri Schuhmacher online. We have something in common that brought us together. Type 1 Diabetes. Over the last few years, she's blogged about her daily life with diabetes. She's shared the tears, the joy and the overwhelming dread of being a parent of a diabetic child. Her situation is 3 times as worse as mine though. She has 4 boys and 3 of them are Type 1 diabetics. THREE TIMES everything that I go through just parenting ONE. I found comfort in her blog. She understood and wrote openly about crappy days. She wrote the tough stuff that we as parents try and put on a strong face and not let anyone see. We want those around us to think we have it all together and that we're really not one marble away from losing them all. But she did it, she wrote and poured her heart out to show the raw side of living with diabetes. She showed us that we CAN be strong, we CAN pull through and there IS a light at the end of that very dark tunnel on those bad diabetes days.

Last week, Meri and her husband Ryan received some devistating news. Ryan made a trip to the ER because he wasn't feeling well and there they were told that he had 6 tumors in his brain and it had spread to his lungs and abdomen. I saw the news on Facebook and began my unceasing prayer for them. I hadn't said anything to my family yet about it and I asked Kayleigh what verse she had in her pocket for the day because I was in need of a start. She pulled her paper out of her pocket and said, "My heart was heavy when I woke up and so I turned to Job 9:10 where it said "He does great things too marvelous to understand. He performs countless miracles." Keep in mind, she still had no idea about Ryan. I began to cry and told her about their situation and asked her to join me in prayer for them. I know her faith is strong enough to stand on the Word with me. I shared this verse with Wendy and continued my prayer for them.

Several D-Mommas and D-Peeps banded together to join in prayer and also began setting up a home base for them on Facebook.... The Schuhmacher Family Miracle and that led to the Give Forward page. The giving page has been set up to help their family with all of the upcoming stuff they are facing. Ryan has started his radiation treatments and with that comes trips to the hospital, copays, doctor visits, gas, meals, care for the boys, and all the other tough stuff. This fund will help ease this difficult time for them. If you can give, I encourage you to visit the page and give from your heart.

"But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you." ~ Matthew 6:3-4

"Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the firstfruits of all your produce; then your barns will be filled with plenty, and your vats will be bursting with wine." ~ Proverbs 3:9-10

As the day approached, I felt another verse tugging at me. Not only was Job 9:10 swirling continually in my head, but Matthew 21:22 popped back up.

"If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." ~ Matthew 21:22

as well as my favorite verse in the Bible:

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." ~Proverbs 3:5-6

I knew what I had to do. I knew I had to stand strong in prayer for their family. I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES! We've had our fair share happen to our family. So I'm believing with all my heart that God has a plan for Ryan. He is bringing him to this and He will bring him through this. Times are going to be rough. Times will probably get nasty. But I know in the end their family will be blessed with a miracle and Ryan will be giving his cancer free testimony for years to come. I've been blessed to witness the power of the online community in just a few short days. It overwhelms me to see the purple everywhere. It overwhelms me to see the outpour of love for someone many of us have never met but feel like we know as good as our best friend. DOC....YOU ARE AWESOME! I'm blessed to be a part of this! My prayers will not cease today nor will they until God blesses them with a miracle and then we can praise Him for a job well done.

I'd like to close with this... if you've been tossing around the idea IF there is a God, I'd like to leave you with a thought....Many of us have been blessed to receive a miracle of a child. Many of us are living with the miracle of modern medicine (insulin, insulin pumps, CGMS). Many of us had a child that was near death when they were diagnosed and another 24-48 hours that child could have been taken from us. Who are you thanking for these miracles and blessings? Who do you give praises to daily for waking up to see another day? My friend, it's not to late to know Jesus. It's not too late to receive his blessings and miracles. It's not too late to ask him to come into your heart and live your life for him.

The Schuhmachers are choosing FAITH. They are choosing HOPE. They are choosing LIFE. They WILL receive this miracle from the mighty powerful God I serve every single day. Ryan will be that walking testimony to show those who don't yet know Jesus that ....MIRACLES DO HAPPEN! He IS one!

Friends, I urge you to continue to pray for their family. I urge you to give to the fund with your heart. I urge you to show your support for them on the home page set up. They NEED our support! Just remind yourself, if the shoe was on the other foot, how would you feel? Would you know God to stand strong like they are? Would you want the entire DOC to band together and support your family? Show them your support them!

Meri & Ryan....Your miracle is coming! Hang in there and stay strong in faith. We love you!!!

Day of HOPE

TOday is a Day of HOPE

Each year, we are asked to write the word HOPE on our hands to share with the world our support of diabetes. This year, I asked friends and family to write the word HOPE is a creative way and share it with us. The outpour we got was amazing! Below is what blew up my Facebook today:

 (She was home sick with a stomach bug and really didn't feel like creative so I helped her)

(By mid-day, she participated but she wasn't feeling good at all!)

THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone that participated and made this day special for Kacey! She enjoyed all of the creativity and thought you all put into this for her and everyone else that holds out HOPE for a cure for Type 1 diabetes.

Cookbook Full Of Love

3 MONTHS

That is all that we have left until Kayleigh walks across the stage for graduation and ends her high school career. Where did the time go? It seems like yesterday that I was rocking her to sleep and spoiling her rotten (yeah, she's STILL spoiled!) I've been feeling REALLY sappy lately so I'm going to use this as an outlet and put it all out there. If you get tired of reading, just click the little red X and cut me off but if you're ready to jump on an emotional roller coaster...them come on!

Back in September, Kayleigh got her packet for SIRS (Senior Independant Research Study). She was told to choose a topic that would be interesting to her. Well for the last 3 years, she knew what she wanted to do but we didn't realize the twists and turns it would take our life on. She knew she wanted to put together a cookbook. She's wanted to do this for a long time but just never had the opportunity or funds to make it work. She chose the topic but was quickly shut down by her teacher. She was told she needed to give it more thought and research before she definately chose to do it. She came home feeling defeated and it wasn't even the first week into it. Being the Mom that I am, we always try and look at things from the other side. What exactly did Mrs. S want her to do? She wanted her to research the copyright laws and make sure that we could financially make this work. She came home and jumped right on the computer. To our surprise, there is NO copyright law for a recipe. One small ingredient change, and the recipe is YOURS! Kayleigh decided to take this a step further and with each recipe submission, she asked for a release form to be filled out giving permission to use the recipe and the person's name in the book. As her next deadline was approaching, she was also dealing with emotions from an accident. Last August, right before school was about to start, Hurricane Irene blessed us with her presence in Virginia. The hurricane was not due to reach our area til late night but the tides were already starting to come in and the weather was rearing it's ugly face. As mid-morning approached, Kayleigh's friend, Morganne and her family, were driving home in their van when a gust of wind ripped through and caused a tree to fall across the van, pinning Morganne in the back seat. Due to the winds, Nightinggale couldn't fly and it was an hour from MCV where Morganne needed to be rushed to. Our local hospital fought for Morganne and they finally got a team approved to travel from MCV to our local hospital. The team arrived at our hospital an hour later but there was still another hour drive back. By the time they arrived, Morganne was prepped for immediate life saving brain surgery. She had nearly 1000cc's of blood on her brain. The doctors prepared her family for the worst. IF Morganne made it, which the outlook was grim, then it would me weeks and even months before she walked, talked, or even did normal daily things. Being the strong Christians they are, her family stood on the prayers that Morganne would COMPLETELY recover and she would do it EXPEDIENTLY! Three days after brain surgery, Morganne woke up and SPOKE! She had memory of things before the accident and 13 days later, she walked out of that hospital. MIRACLES! Thats the only way to explain this. God layed his hand on this situation and everything happened the way it did because that was God's plan. Kayleigh got word of the accident that evening, just as the storm was about to really hit. We were stuck! Kayleigh sat there in tears and the only thing we could do was pray. Pray for Morganne, her family and that she would fully recover. As the days went by, Kayleigh wanted to drive to MCV to see her but we were told that it would probably be best if we waited since things were so bad. A few days after Morganne came home, we finally got the chance to visit. For 3 years, Morganne and Kayleigh had been friends but I'd never met her Mom. That day...two Christian moms were forever linked. We knew Morganne would have to undergo a 2nd brain surgery but the date would be announced later. Due to the swelling, they had to remove a bone flap in her skull and she had to wear a helmet on her head. We sat and listened to Morganne's mom tell us what happened with the accident....how they prayed consistantly....how she told Satan to "STAND BACK!" and then...THE LIGHTBULB!

As soon as Kayleigh got back in the van, she busted into tears. She'd held them in as we listened to Morganne and her Mom but the impact was made. In that moment, Kayleigh's life was forever changed. She turned to me and said, "Mom, I'm doing this cookbook WITH or WITHOUT Mrs. S's approval! I am making it a fundraiser and I'm standing on the faith that we can do it!" We both cried on the way home. We didn't know where the printing money was going to come from but I knew and firmly believed, "Ask and you shall receive."

The deadline for topic approval came and Kayleigh presented everything to Mrs. S. She told her she wanted to make it a fundraiser and give 100% of it to Morganne's family for medical bills. Mrs. S smiled and said "NOW THAT'S what I was hoping you'd do! I wanted you to put heart into this." Then the real work started! Or should I say...the roller coaster! Kayleigh chose her mentor for the project, her very first Culinary teacher, Dane. He taught her during her "Intro to Culinary" class and announced at the end of that year he would be taking another job due to the budget cuts the school was making. Kayleigh was devistated! She cried for days and he continued to encourage her to stick with Culinary. He became her rock when she had all the issues in the class and he continued to push her to stick with it, even though he knew how bad things had gotten. He also began to encourage her to grow spiritually....something she really hadn't done. As I watched her grow, I knew this was a good thing. So when it came time to choose her mentor, she knew who she was going to use!

Kayleigh texted Morganne to make plans to meet with her and her family so she could share the news about the approval and what her plans were but Morganne was so excited to hear the news that Kayleigh spilled the beans in a text message. She and her family were so shocked that Kayleigh would open her heart and do this for them. It was AWESOME! It was the "pick me up" that Morganne needed after a bad day of recovery and pain.

Kayleigh contacted a company online about printing the books. They were going to be 100 pages and this company allowed 5 pictures at no charge. They were going to charge her over $1000 for 200 books (which was a minimum order) I had to sign off on this since it was so expensive. Standing in faith, I signed the paper. Then we decided to try something else before we locked ourselves into the one online. How about helping the locals? We paid our local UPS a visit. We've had a great relationship with them, they knew Kayleigh from the Culinary competition and they also knew of Morganne since they had a flyer out for a donation jar. Kayleigh asked them about printing the books and they were thrilled about it! They took on the task with printing. This also posed a few new obstacles that we were not prepared for. When you use the online company, you email them the recipes and they put the book together for publishing. Since we were using UPS as the printer, this meant that we now had to type and publish it on our own. Ummm....Microsoft Publisher?!?! What is that?!?! Kevin, UPS owner, took the time to teach us how to use it. He set us up a template and all of the recipes that we had saved in Word could now be copied into the format. This made things a little easier but we still had the process of making all the recipes fit. Not to mention, we only had 54 recipes and we needed at least 200 to make it work. Just a few posts to Facebook and BOOM! My inbox exploded with recipes and book requests.

By now it was mid-December. Kayleigh was pushing for a deadline of Christmas but it didn't quite work out like that. She was so upset because she wanted things be done and ready for sale by Christmas and I had to keep reminding her, "In God's time, not ours!" My Mom and I helped her work around the clock getting the recipes typed and formatted. We had recipes showing up from all over the U.S. and the recipe total quickly boomed to 308 recipes. As we talked with Wendy (Morganne's mom), we found out 308 was significant. It was the number of hours that Morganne's family spent "Fighting the good fight of faith" and how cool would it be to divide those recipes into 13 chapters, one for each day Morganne was in the hospital. DONE! The book went from being 100 pages to 223 pages in  matter of hours. The love that was given to this book was AMAZING! Now we just needed a book name. We tossed around a few on paper and nothing really struck us. I'd suggested "Heavenly Dessert" but it just wasn't working for Kayleigh. So she texted her mentor and asked him what he thought? Within a few seconds, "Confections For A Cause" was birthed. She was so excited and it finally seemed there was a light at the end of tunnel.

By January, we were ready to take it to print. The UPS Store printed a rough draft for us and we found that the margins they set were not correct and so that threw the whole book off. We took it home and read through every single sentence in the book and made the corrections. It was a longggggg task but HAD to be done! We took back the edited copy and they printed us another rough draft. As we scrolled through that copy, we still found mistakes but not very many. One more draft was printed and we made a handful of corrections and we were ready to go! It was print time! We were not even thinking about the cost going up since the books went from 100 pages to 223 pages. They figured out the cost of the books and we were $250 short of what we needed. Since Kayleigh had asked businesses to help with printing costs, she would have to find a few more places to donate money to help. We came home and she sat in tears about how we were going to get money for printing. And I reminded her of the Bible verse in Matthew 21:22, "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." What I didn't know was God was already working and it was in His plan. The following morning, my Mom was speaking with a coworker of hers and telling her about the cookbook and how it was coming along and the road block we had hit. She asked Mom how much more we needed? Mom told her that we were $250 short. Holly then took out her checkbook and wrote a check for $250. My Mom called me so excited that it brought me to tears! Kayleigh was in school so she had NO clue what had taken place. When I picked her up, I told her about the check and she immediately said, "Omgosh Mom! I prayed about it! I wrote it in my prayer journal! I will show you!" As we arrived home, she ran to her room and brought out her journal. There in black and white, she'd written before she went to bed the night before about how we were short and we needed to make this happen for Morganne's family. PRAYER ANSWERED!

We took the money back to the UPS Store and started the printing process! Within a week, we had 100 books in hand. Only 2 DAYS later, we were empty handed again! We sold 100 books in only 2 days. I knew Kayleigh had some pretty big events coming up so I wanted to make sure we had books for sale. I went back to UPS and in good faith I ordered 50 more books. As people heard about the book, they began to send money and place orders. It was a true outpour of love. I picked up the next 50 books just days later, only to sell those in 3 days! We couldn't print them fast enough. So I went back to UPS (I know they started to cringe when they saw me coming) and I was going to place an order for 50 more but decided to take another step of good faith and asked them to print 100.

By the end of January, we'd sold 150 books and Kayleigh decided to ask our local radio station for help. They were VERY willing to help and promote the book on the air. So she set up a radio interview and asked Morganne and her Mom to join us and tell their story on the air. The more people that heard her story, the more people we could reach with the books. They went live on 99.1FM at the end of January and it was a fantastic interview! They were able to reach out to the local community and tell about the book and how God is changing them.

There was a bigger plan in the works though! God has used this book in more ways than we could have ever imagined.

Kayleigh's mentor, Dane, is also a youth leader at a big local church and he decided to help promote this book even more. He had several youth that were planning a medical mission trip to Dominican Republic so he planned an event called "Confections For A Cause" and it featured 18 desserts from the book. Kayleigh would be allowed to sell her books. He wanted Morganne and Kayleigh to give their testimony about how this book has changed them and how God is working in their lives. He wanted Morganne to tell the story of the accident. It was $5 to get in the door and they had a silent auction and youth auction. A portion of what they would make that night would go to Morganne's family to help with medical bills too! What an amazing opportunity! Kayleigh planned another radio interview with 99.1FM and this time she invited her mentor to come and talk about the dessert event and promote it on live radio. The event was fabulous and had an amazing turn out. We are so thankful for the chance to be a part of this!

The night before that event, our church youth put on a Valentine Dinner night for adults. The youth would be serving dinner and hosting a fun game. Kayleigh also got it approved to talk about her cookbook and let Morganne tell her story publically for the first time. It was a very emotional night and they did a great job holding it together and speaking out about the miracles God has unfolded before them. This also led to a chance for Morganne to go speak publically at a Christian school and give her testimony there. Unfortunately we were not told since this was planned so fast and Kayleigh was not able to attend but we're happy that Morganne had the chance to possibly bless someone else that day.

And that brings me up to date. As of today we've sold over 200 books and it's been a wonderful ride! Sure there were bumps in the road but thats part of life, isn't it? If God made our daily journey easy then we wouldn't turn to Him. If He made our life easy, He wouldn't be reminding us that we need Him every hour, every minute, every second of every single day. He is always there, just a prayer away, waiting for us to run into His arms with prayer and praises. God doesn't only want us to come to Him with urgent prayer, He wants us to seek him and share our praises as well. uring this journey, I've watched Kayleigh go from a convenient prayer to a daily prayer. She dives into God's Word during the day, during the evening and whenever she feels she needs to. She's drawn closer to God and her eyes have been opened to the world around her. She learned that some of the friends that you thought were friends, were infact NOT friends. She wants to surround herself with friends that are doing what she is....following God with all her heart. As a parent, you have to let your children grow without hovering too much. For years, I've hovered. I've been the overprotective parent. Only because I felt that constant need to protect her since that nasty court battle years ago. BUT, during my hovering, I've always let her make decisions and let her take the fall for some of them so she could learn and grow in faith. It wasn't until this year that it finally clicked!

A few weeks ago, she decided to start something called "Pocket Prayers". (I soooooo wish I could get some help to patent this idea for her) Every day, she'd wake up and she'd turn to the back of her Bible where it listed "topics". She'd choose a topic and then turn to one of the verses for that topic. She did this without telling anyone, not even me. Whatever she felt the need to pray for that day, she'd pick a topic accordingly. Then when she got to the verse, she'd write it down on a little post it note and put it into her pocket. I saw her do it one day and asked her what she was doing? She explained about looking it up, writing it down, and putting it in her pocket. Yes, I understood thats what she was doing, but WHY? The answer that came from her mouth brought me to tears. She said, "Mom you never know when you will have the chance to talk with someone about Jesus and if I have the verse then I have a start to praying with them. Also, I might need the reminder during the day that Jesus is always with me." *sigh*  Just to think that my daughter could lead someone to know Jesus brings me to uncontrollable tears. She's such an amazing kid and I'm blessed to be her Momma!

The cookbook is now going to be featured in Hampton Roads Magazine (March 2012 issue) and we're thrilled to get a copy. Kayleigh has to present her final project in April so she will be more than ready for that! Thank you to everyone for the support you've shown her during this process. She made the comment not long ago that many seniors dread this project but this project has been much more for her...it's been a learning experience for her to grow and mature. (smiles)

So there ya have it....the reason I've been so busy the last few months! If you are interested in a copy of the cookbook, there are several ways to order. You can find us on Facebook, Confections For A Cause. You can find us by the website: Confections For A Cause. You can also email us at confectionsforacause@gmail.com. Lastly you can send us a check made out to Confections For A Cause with your name, address and phone number to 6699 Fox Centre Parkway, Box 212, Gloucester VA 23061. The books are $15 ($7 shipping & handling) and 100% of the book goes to Morganne's family for medical bills.

Thank you all for your suppport! Several of my D-Momma friends sent in recipes to make this possible and many of you have supported Kayleigh through the Facebook site. You all are amazing!

We love you!

Too Sweet Mail

This post is a little overdue so PLEASE forgive me!

The past weeks have been such a blur and my next post will explain why but I wanted to share this one first!

THANK YOU SOOOOOOO MUCH to Too Sweet Boutique. Words cannot begin to express how excited Kacey was when she got this package in the mail!

A while back, I won a contest on Hallie's blog for a pump pack created by Too Sweet Boutique. We've never bought any pump packs (with the exception of the ones Cara bought and sent her when she first started pumping) so this was our first experience with someone else making one for Kacey. Can I just tell you how impressed I was? AMAZING!!!! When I first contacted Amy, she was swamped with Christmas so we decided to wait until things calmed down and since Kacey had NO clue, it was a nice surprise after :)

Thant being said, I have to tell you all...if you're looking for pump packs that are PERSONAL...Too Sweet Boutique is your place! Amy designed Kacey's pack and minky belt and then she even made her a matching pack for her Dexcom. They say a smile is worth a thousand words, right? So here is the smile (after the tears of course!)....

She was so excited that she started to cry and when I asked her why she was crying she said, "Because Nae (my Mom) always makes my packs and I've never had a bought one before but this one is special because it has a blue circle with HOPE on it and I HOPE for a cure every day." Well that made me cry too!

Amy, I just can't begin to thank you enough for going above and beyond for this amazing giveaway! Kacey was thrilled...I was impressed...and everyone is happy!

For those looking for high quality pump packs for your child with GREAT customer service....PLEASE check out TOO SWEET BOUTIQUE!

Thank you again to Hallie for holding this wonderful contest on her blog: The Princess & The Pump

When You Know You've Done Enough

As a parent of a type 1 diabetic child, I struggle with the issue of, "Have I done enough as a parent to prepare her for handling things on her own?"
How do you REALLY know you've done enough?

Until you're put into a situation, then you really don't know. But a few days ago, I got my validation that as a parent, I've prepared Kacey to handle an "emergency" situation on her own.

So let me tell you how things happened.....

I love my Blackberry. It's 3 years old and it was past time for an upgrade but I was hanging on to it til I absolutely HAD to upgrade. The last 2 months, it's been causing me more stress than any Momma should have to deal with! It's been powering down on it's own and then taking 10-15 minutes to power back up. Those of you that have children with diabetes know how important having a phone is. That being said....on Tuesday afternoon, I picked Kacey up from school at 2:30pm and the conversation went something like this:

Kacey: Mom! Why didn't you answer your phone when I called?
Me: It never rang?!?! What's wrong?
Kacey: You gave me a heart spell today!! (her version of "heart attack")
Me: What happened?!?!
Kacey: I called you at 1:00 and your phone went to voicemail.
***insert my mind racing as to where I was at 1pm? Ahhhh....yes in the kitchen with Kayleigh and the phone had powered down...AGAIN!***
Me: My phone was acting funky again. Whats wrong?
Kacey: My pump ran out of insulin!!!
**insert a gasp and a gulp! You can imagine the paranoia that I went into because it was now 2:30pm**
Me: Why didn't you call me back? You should have kept trying!
Kacey: Mom!
Me: You should have let the nurse fill it!
Kacey: MOM!
Me: Get your stuff out and we will fill it now!
Kacey: MOM! LISTEN TO ME!
Me: **quiets down** What?
Kacey: It's already done. I did it on my own.
Me: You did WHAT?!?!
Kacey: When you didn't answer, I started to panic and then I sat quiet and cleared my head and knew what I had to do. I opened my case in my purse and I paniced again because I didn't have a new cartridge set. We forgot to put another one in there. But I got my spare kit in the nurses office and that didn't have a set either. It only had the old set. So I disconnected my pump. Took out the old cartridge. Unhooked the tubing. Put the needle from my Cozmo cartridge on my Ping cartridge and then I used tweezers and filled my pump to 70 units. I knew it would give me enough til I got home and we could refill a new one. Then I carefully got the airbubbles out, filled new tubing and reconnected. Please don't be mad at me for using my old cartridge.
Me: ***sitting mouth wide open** So you filled your pump and you've been reconnected since then?
Kacey: Yes! ***smiling*** I did what I needed to do to get the job done! Nurse J kept asking me if that was ok to do and I told her I gotta do what I gotta do because I need my insulin!

At this point I didn't know whether to scream and yell at my phone or cry tears of joy because she did what she did. She did it! She handled an emergency situation in an adult manner. She got the job done and she did a darn good job at it! I smiled all the way home through my tears. I knew in my heart that I'd done what I needed to prepare her to handle diabetes in a pinch.

Getting a new pump is always a scary thing. She's helped with site changes before but never unsupervised. So this was a BIG deal for us! And the most important thing is...she calmed herself enough to work through the process to keep her safe until she got home.

One word....AMAZING!!